Woman take notes" The Guy Rules"

This was forwarded to me by a friend and I have to say by and large I concur.

Men ARE not mind readers.

Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

Crying is blackmail.

Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question.

Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem
See a doctor.

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we. - I disagree on this one

ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not! A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

If it itches, it will Be scratched.
We do that.

If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine... Really.

Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,or golf.

You have enough clothes.

You have too many shoes.

I am in shape. Round IS a shape! - I disagree

Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;


But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

:popcorn:

:popcorn:

This should be interesting, don't you think?

:rofl:

I'm not crazy about popcorn though, can I get some twizzlers or something? :)

Of course! I'd get you a twizzler if I knew what it was!

Good show, huh?

:toast:

But I'm not picky. :)

:popcorn: needs more butter though...

:popcorn:

:popcorn:

Here ya go! And enjoy the show!

:popcorn:

:beer:

Of course! There's plenty of room!

:toast:

This *could* be good!

I brought the drinks! :D

What a delightful thread-jacking we have here!

I think we outnumber the serious responses by a large number!

Drinks sound great!

:toast:

:popcorn:

:hi:

Really? This is new to you? And even remotely humorous? :eyes:

What's with the rolling eyes?

:eyes:

I did snicker though. That doesn't count!

appreciate you speaking for him. And no woman is exactly like that either (because half of the list is really about what women are like, i.e. too many shoes, crying as blackmail, etc.). In fact, the one thing I can see as universal here is that most people do not appreciate being lumped together or told how anyone "really is." Change all those tired jokes to how gays "really are" or how Mexicans "really are" and you might start to see the problem.

At least anyone my age (mid-twenties) how is anything in that list NEGATIVE? Women are more sensitive and men are more egotistical. The sexes are fundamental different in behaviors, would any educated person disagree?

Inate differences between the sexes are different from stereotypes.

Inate differences between the sexes are studied by anthropoligists and socioligists. Stereotypes are sent around via email in the guise of humor.

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Meanie. x(

I don’t get it? This doesn’t mean men or woman are better we are simply different.
Please explain the anger. :shrug::shrug:

1. Because while there are some inate difference between the sexes, ALL men are not beer-drinking, overweight, sports-obsessed frat boys who are loathe to communicate with their significant others and ALL women are not whiny, needy, clueless, shoe-obsessed shopaholics who use emotional blackmail to get what they want.

2. This is a board that promotes liberal ideas and generally frowns upon stereotyping of any kind. It is a gathering place where men and women of all different backgrounds come to commiserate. That's more of a joke for the Jeff Foxworthy crowd.

3. Even if there was anything funny about it, it's been passed around via email for as long as there has been email. Seriously, the Brazilian joke is fresher than this one.

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then I must be a real feminazi. Yeah, it must be me. Good grief.

I think I might start crying because it always works with my hubby. Then I'll go shoe-shopping to cheer myself up. Then I'll open a beer (bottle of course, don't want to break a nail) for my hubby and ask him if I look fat in the new outfit I bought to go with the new shoes. One grunt for "no" and two grunts for "yes" ...fingers crossed for one grunt! *giggle*...Oh, but wait, he gets mad if I interrupt him while he's trying to watch the skinny guys in shorts trying to get those orange balls in those tall nets for touchdowns (or is it home runs? I can never remember). I better not do that. Maybe I'll just whip up some chocolate cookies and talk to my teddy bear instead. Mr. Fuzzy doesn't mind listening to me talk for hours and hours! *giggle*

:dilemma:

Even if you are just saying it to shut me up.

Yes, I'm half saying it to shut you up :hide:

I'm just responding in the manner that I would if, say, my husband said these things directly to me. Some of them are chuckle-worthy, but if I felt fat, and my husband said, "well, then you probably are," he'd be VERY sorry that he did so. Just sayin'.

If someone asked if they are fat we should lie? Why is your post entitled "Honestly" I'm confused :smoke:

Because I'm telling you what my reaction would be, if my husband were to say something insulting to me, and I'm not sugarcoating my response. I'm responding in the spirit of the original posting (the author of the e-mail, specifically, not you). It's humorous, but in a rather condescending way. I can handle condescention, but I'll hand it right back. I'm not pissed off (takes FAR more than a little old email, to do that) just playing my side, that's all. ;)

:pals:

I don't use crying as a form of blackmail, nor do I think shopping is a sport. And if you put the damned toilet seat up, put it down, for fuck's sake. Common sense.

:eyes:

I mean, really, really mean. x(

:hi:

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Vivaldi concerto for flute with tiny whiny violin accompaniment.

Maybe I'm wierd (okay, that's a given) but I don't know any guys who are like this. :shrug:

Really.

(though most of us exhibit some of those characteristics). This, I think, is just a reaction to being CONSTANTLY bombarded with male stereotypes, most often from women. After a while, we just think, "fuck it, it's easier to embrace the stereotypes, even if we don't actually do what they say."

Not that women aren't bombarded with female stereotypes. Of course they are, and probably more than men. Some women deal with it by making lists of how stupid men are. This is a reaction to that :shrug:

women must be like they way they are described in the email. Boy, maybe I should go to the doctor. I haven't been shopping in ages and I have no desire to go either! And my husband talks to me all the time about stuff besides sports. Maybe he's "one of those" or something. Good grief. :eyes:

I'm not precisely a clothes horse, I hate shopping for clothes and all the stuff I do have comes from thrift stores. I'm the one likely to chill out on the couch and watch sports too. :shrug: Gender stereotypes suck.

But as a mid-20s male I really don't think that any of those apply to me.

You lucky bastard!

:shrug:

when I was single and bitter.

It scares me they are all unhappy and cheating.

:hug:

:pals:

"Men ARE not mind readers."

True, we are barely catalogue in the bathroom readers. Men prefer to think in spacial terms while women are more liguistically inclined. This is a generalization of course.

"Learn to work the toilet seat.
"You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
"We need it up, you need it down.
"You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down."

Keep it and the lid down so nothing falls in.

"Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
"or the changing of the tides.
"Let it be."

Well, we all need excercise. Sports on television is not a sport, it is a way to tune out others. Nothing electric should prevent you from talking to your wife or anyone else.

"Shopping is NOT a sport.
"And no, we are never going to think of it that way."

Sustained. Figure out what you need before you go to the store, then it is in and out.

"Crying is blackmail."

Only if you can do it at will. If so, shame on me for being fooled. People who love and trust each other talk, not pull passive-aggressive shit on each other.

"Ask for what you want.
"Let us be clear on this one:
"Subtle hints do not work!
"Strong hints do not work!
"Obvious hints do not work!
"Just say it!"

Yeah, what the fuck?

"Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question."

How was your day?

"Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for."

That's male conditioning. We are expected to perform and provide, not sit around being emotional. That fact is unfair to each gender, but it is a fact nevertheless.

"A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem
"See a doctor."

Well yeah. If there is a problem with the sex life, figure out what it is. Avoidance solves nothing.

"Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
"In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days."

Is this a contest or an effort to solve a problem?

"If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys."

Who the hell can fit into those things anyway?

"If you think you're fat, you probably are.
"Don't ask us."

We know when it is time to lie.

"If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you "sad or angry, we meant the other one"

Again, not mind readers.

"You can either ask us to do something
"Or tell us how you want it done.
"Not both.
"If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself."

Yeah, Mom!

"Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials."

Hmmm, a summons from divorce court?

"Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we."

Here's the problem. If I am pretty sure I am going the right way, I do not have a psychological need to have that validated by others. Stopping will cost time and I may end up with worse directions than I already had. The best thing is to keep a map or a street atlas in the car, which I do.

"ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
"Peach, for example, is a fruit, not! A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is."

red, green, blue, yellow, orange, purple (what's violet?), brown, black, white, grey. What are the other six?

"If it itches, it will Be scratched.
"We do that."

Duh.

"If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle."

Again, not mind readers.

"If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear."

Duh.

"When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine... Really."

And your natuaral face color is fine too.

"Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,or golf."

Or who can carry states that Gore and Kerry did not.

"You have enough clothes."

"You have too many shoes."

Yes, but so do I.

"I am in shape. Round IS a shape!"

Yes, fatass, morbidly obese is a shape, for now. No one you are married to is attracted to that shape.

"Thank you for reading this.
"Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;"

Ahhh, it's my bed too.

"But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping."

I mind being treated as an interpoler in my own house.

people just aren't accepting this as it is; a joke (what makes it funny is the fact in parts). Like any other joke, if you don't like it, okay, thats fine but no need to go personally insulting those who find it amusing. As a guy, I don't think it's offensive, even though it's being stereotypical in some cases. Sorry, I'm ranting at the person I agree'd with :rant:

err ~ and dude ... Mr. Room101

You triggered my ego (I look like this)
You might not be emotional happy but I guarantee physical satisfaction.

Being a Bodybuilding personal trainer, I get more play being a half a jerk then when I was a so-called nice guy. Why is that?

:banghead:

All my buddies used to say you’re too nice and lay back. I started to be a loud half a jerk and it's like two different worlds. A female friend always tells me nice is boring. I'm really nice deep down inside but it never got me anywhere.

I could be wrong but it has worked for me.

you're going after girls who like jerks, not that girls just like jerks.

This has been done TO DEATH around here.

IHATESHOESIHATESHOESIHATESHOESIHATESHOESIHATESHOESIHATESHOESIHATESHOESIHATESHOESIHATESHOESIHATESHOESIHATESHOESIHATESHOESIHATESHOESIHATESHOESIHATESHOESIHATESHOESIHATESHOESIHATESHOESIHATESHOESIHATESHOESIHATESHOESIHATESHOESIHATESHOESIHATESHOESIHATESHOESIHATESHOESIHATESHOESIHATESHOESIHATESHOESIHATESHOESIHATESHOESIHATESHOES!!!!!

But if I don't wear anything on my feet, I will not be allowed into the school. The administration has been very clear about that, in letters, emails, phone calls, and parent conferences. So. I have shoes.

i'm late to this and you ate all the :popcorn:

:cry:

This is turning into a flamewar.