Has anyone ever gotten back with an ex after years of divorce?

My ex and I are working on getting back together after 9 years of being divorced. The first three years of our being apart were filled with hate and bickering. Then we became "friendly", then "friends". Now we are trying to get back the good stuff that we had for so many years. It used to be really good up until the last year of our marriage. We were married for 18 years and had three sons together.
We've spent the past week together, talking. A lot of talking and figuring and expressing feelings about what happened and why. We should have talked like this 10+ years ago.
In spite of our separation we always loved each other even though we also hated. Sounds funny but thats how it was. We both felt victimized by one another and we both were to some extent. We just shut down and grew apart and angry. Now after all these years we have realized that we are "soul mates". This is so very weird right now. Its like we are getting to know each other all over again but we still have the history to reminisce about the good times. Our grown children are ecstatic.
I hope that this works. Even though we had other spouses/SO's over that time we always thought of and missed each other. How strange!

Has anyone else ever done something like this? How did it work out for you?

I'm thrilled it seems to be working out for you, but if I ever run into my ex...
























I'll back up and do it again. :evilgrin:

If going to break up with LeftyMom, do so from undisclosed location, very far away. Then, plastic surgery.

;)

get "back together."

Has three kids. Has been remarried more than ten years now.

It can work, if both of you want it to work.

Best of luck to you.

:thumbsup:

No animosity on my part. But I was the one who left, so of course I'm the evil one.

But good luck to you!!

We just let things stagnate and die. And they did. And it stunk!
Both of us are coming off break-ups and have not had much success in the love dept the past nine years. Our choices have not worked out at all.
Maybe breaking up was meant to be so we could find each other again? Its just so weird and its very scary too!

I can imagine how thrilled your grown children are.

I never would go back back with my ex, in this lifetime, but I certainly wish you and your ex the best of luck!!!

the ex after 10 years apart. I suppose it happens quite a bit. I'm glad things are working out for you.

so there is certainly a chance it will work for the two of you. This time at least you both know what you're getting in to! Good luck.

:puke:

This is just sooooo strange!

If it works for you, awesome.

My situation is probably different. I am in LeftyMom's camp of "If I ever run into my ex, I'll back up and do it again". Mine was an abusive alcoholic drug-addicted nightmare. And, he still is many years later. If I learned ANYTHING from that decade plus of my life it's to never allow myself to be treated that way. Ever.

Just remember that you split for a reason. Probably a very good reason. Probably not the same reasons my "marriage" failed, and maybe you can work through that and maybe you've both grown and learned things. And, maybe not. Whatever you do, just look at it intellectually as well as emotionally. Think long and hard about the reasons that you split and whether those reasons have all been addressed and carefully considered.

My wife and I were teen parents, and we both came from fairly conservative families that insisted that we marry and become a family. We did get engaged, but ended up calling it off and going our seperate ways. We always did have some contact, though, because of our daughter.

About five years later we started talking and were suprised to find out how well we actually clicked with each other. We'd both grown up a lot (both physically and mentally), so we started seeing each other again. We ended up getting married, and have now been married nearly 10 years. She's the love of my life :)

People grow up, and people change. Just because it didn't work out a decade ago doesn't mean its dead today. Also keep in mind that reconciliation doesn't have to be the end. My grandparents were divorced after 15 years and hated each other, but once they split they became the closest of friends...they were inseperable for nearly 40 years. When my grandfather died a couple of years ago, she grew so depressed that she followed a few months later. The funny thing is, when we'd bring up marriage they'd look at us in horror and start telling us how "Bad" they had been to each other when married. They were perfectly content to stay the best of friends, and none of us wished them ill for it.

Especially if you have children (and they are young enough to still live with you). My parents remarried each other. They divorced in 6 years the second time; married 9 the first time (with 8 in between). In all honesty, although I take responsibility for my own mistakes, it had a profound effect on my view of relationships as an adult. I stayed in a bad marriage for a very long time and made other really stupid choices in life. I've learned from my mistakes, but please, get counseling along with this if you have children, and don't ignore their feelings or input. Speaking from experience, it's never as rosy as people think it will be in situations such as this, especially for children.

I would add that in addition to getting counseling if you intend to pursue this any further, you should immediately start working toward establishing why exactly you want to get back together. That's the most important issue to identify, in my opinion. After what went wrong and how long you've been apart, I think you need to get clear on your reasons for even wanting to be together. Bringing up all the reasons you shouldn't try again, even if you feel that the problems that caused them have been eradicated, isn't enough, I think.

I'm glad we had the time together but we both realize that we can't pick up where we left off.

I wish you the very best of luck!

Might not be a bad idea to get some 'marriage counseling' and sort out what's different now and what your expectations are, etc. It can be useful to explore these things with a 'guide' - if you know anyone whose wisdom and objectivity you both trust.

My divorce was a nightmare. I can't go into it. But to skip over the 'bad old days' to today, we talk on the phone. (He's married with another family, I'm not). We come together as if we'd always been together when it concerns our children and he's recently been very ill with leukemia which has made me very sad. We're still in one another's corner.

From the vantage point of age, I'm inclined to think all of us ought to be very careful about what we discard and why because 'getting it back' might be impossible.

I hope that however this works out for you, that it's good...that you will either remarry or be really good friends. Your children (as well as you) will benefit. My kids, who are grown, often remark on how happy they are to see their Dad and I on good terms.