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What made me start questioning why things happen ? I am watching a documentary on HBO about Florence Holway , a elderly woman who was raped in home. Listening to her story - I am speechless ... and I am questioning why evil exists. What kind of reality is this ? If there is a God or a divine creator if one so believes it , does thy get a kick out of the suffering of innocent. Does suffering really bring salvation to the guilty ?
Another reason why I am asking "why" is because I am tired of being lonely ... I want to fall in love - I have money , I have a new car , I have a steady job , and I come home to no one. I take care of everyone , and I want to have someone take care of me in a way of being in happy bliss. I am only 25 so I have plenty of time and everyone tells me it happens when I least expect it - but I am growing tired of heartbreak.
And my grandmother , I am coming to realize that she is starting to slow down - and it makes me sad because I worry. Sigh , I wish I could turn back time because I took her for granted ... she is not sick but I realize how important she is to our family. I don't know everything - grandma knows everything. I sometimes think I know everything , well I really don't . My grandmother does. My family is lucky she worked so hard to raise my mom , my two aunts and my uncle all by herself - and they all are positive people. I wonder if any other people in my family actually sit and realize what she has raised. And she is going to be a great-grandmother next month when my cousin has her baby - I just hope she stays vivrant as ever.
And my steady job is getting on my nerves - I am happy to have a job but I just want one week where I am not shuffled around from department to department because I am a good worker. How about making the slackers work for a change ?
I am just an emotional purpose. I am not sad - I am actually happy :) because I am feeling. I am glad that I am not sad because with all of the things I have been through in the past 10 years , other would have growed cold but not I , I will always have hope.
Just need to vent a bit - have a good day everyone.
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