my life is on the rocks

My Dave is drinking to much, taking tylenol and beer together. And I don't know what he is doing with the money we barely make. we make roughly $1,500 and we have at lease $800 going out in bills from that. we should be making all the bills. But From what I found today I don't think we are.And since the apartment fire he has barely hugged me. We had a big fight Sat. Because he keeps saying stuff like he just wants to pick up and leave and how he would like to blow his brains out. I told him he needed help but then he yelled at me how my B.A degree has become more important than the house work. I called him a idiot of acting the way he is. then I went and stayed with my parents over night to let him think about what we said. Guess I am i the wrong be case all he is doing now is yelling at maverick and not giving me the time of day.

Letter I found on table today with only half the rent in it. Hope you can read it.If I make it out right we are behind in the rent!!! And he never told me!!

Take a few days off.. Think about the situation. I can't provide much insight. But, if you were my sister I would advise getting out of dodge. Good luck... :hug:

:pals:

He sounds life he is fighting quite a few demons.

If you need an ear feel free to pm
Maybe not the greatest on advice but i do listen well
:hug:

:pals:

but seems these may be symptoms of a larger issue. Any idea what that could be? Good luck.

from a $65,000 year job in Los Vegas to working for just above minimum wage in Joplin Mo.

I remember falling into a similar slump when I lost my $85k/year job due to a layoff. I finally found a new gig, but I had to move and make considerably less money. BTW, I was unemployed for one year. Recently I moved back to Austin TX but had to take a cut in pay to do so. Now I'm planning to take the plunge to pursue my PhD. That's gonna require living like a student again, essentially making about 1/3 of what I make now. The point is I realized that academia was what made me happy, not making $85k/year. I used to be so envious of those who worked in their "dream" job, basically doing what they loved doing. I finally realized that I loved teaching so I'm pursuing this new venture. He may just need to find out what it is that he loved doing in the past. Not sure this will help, but good luck nevertheless.

PS Speaking from a man's perspective, he's probably not liking himself as the main provider or reduced in his role. As a man, we need to be assured that we still serve that purpose.

He can at lest tell me whats going on instead telling me to fork over two thirds of my pay check which totals out at 400 dolars a month and still not get the rent paid. And I still have to come up with $100 on top of that to pay the phone bill. he makes $1000 dolars a month so we should be OK. Where is the money going???

What is yours saying?

PS Men's intuition still looking for a new battery.

I was thinking it could be the drinking but that is still a lot of money to go to just beer. Could he be playing those darn scracher cards? Possible! He seems to love those things.

...from what I can gather: Drinking, gambling, money issues, mid-life fears and depression, and everything that comes with depression - suicidal thoughts, along with decreasing affection, communication and intimacy... this is definitely a job for a professional. But I know, they cost money which is one of the basic problems right now.

I have a few preliminary thoughts:

First of all, you have a RIGHT to know where the money is going and if the rent isn't getting paid, WHY it isn't being paid. This isn't just about him being a spendthrift oir whatever, but now he is putting your actual physical security at risk (because you need a place to live and you won't have one for long if he isn't paying the rent when he has enough money to do so). Can you tell him in a non-threatening way that you are concerned about why the rent didn't get paid on time, ask him why he thinks that happened? And then tell him that the two of you need to work together to start keeping track of your money so that it doesn't happen again. Tell him you want to help by setting up a budget, and start looking at old bill statements and receipts from everything, and ask (tell) him to start bringing home receipts from absolutely everything, and tell him you will do the same. My guess is that he won't like this at all and will throw up a number of insults and irrational arguments to keep it from happening so you won't find out what's going on, because it sure sounds like he's hiding something.

My second thought is that even if he won't acknowledge a need for counseling, or agree to go, and it sounds like he won't... you still need to go for your own survival. I suggest doing some internet research or even looking through the yellow pages and calling around for low or no-income counseling providers. It may not be the best out there, then again you may be surprised. But the bottom line is that you need someone on your side, and someone who is willing to help you understand how to deal with your husband's issues in the way that will best help each of you individually, and both of you together. Someone who will help you to communicate with him even when he wants to isolate himself, because it sounds like communication is also an enormous problem.

Right now there may not be much you can do to save him, but you still have to try, and in the meantime there are a lot of things you can do to save yourself.

Please get counseling for yourself, to deal with him. Good luck.

They can treat him for free!I tried to get him to go, but he flat refuses. As for me I am already under care for low serotonin levels.
And I have tried to ask him, in a non-threating way, about the money issues and I get yelled at.

...okay, AT ALL, much less when you are bringing up a serious matter directly affecting both of you.

Can you go to the Ozark Center alone and get counseling for the partners of troubled persons? Please look into it. You may be enabling him without intending to, and without even recognizing it. I know you are already getting treatment for some health issues, but as you said yourself the problems between you two are only increasing, and from what you've told me most of them are not based on your health anyway. Therefore you clearly need more assistance than you are already getting.

My dear, I fear this is going to get worse before it gets better. Right now you need to do damage control, and take care of YOU. Regardless of how he is (mis)managing his own life, you need a viable plan for your future, both in the short and the long term.


Good luck.


:hug:

:hug: I love you for your sympathy.

:dancy bear-hug:

Definately in need of professional help. I have most of those symptoms myself and I'm clinically depressed.

Best of luck to you. I don't envy your position, just seeing what I put my own family through. :hug:

And my parents are getting worried. And his parents are getting worried. But he won't listen. I am a Communication Major and I can't seem to talk to or get him to talk. And with us not being married ,as in with license,Nothing can stop him from leaving and doing god knows what to himself!

What an awful situation. I don't mean to sound flip, but see if you can at least get the tylenol out of there (get him advil or something) because it WILL do serious liver damage and that's the last thing you need on top of every thing else. Sending good vibes your way.

Will try, but I am afraid he may buy more.

Consider getting some help for YOURSELF. Go to this Ozark Center and center yourself. It can strengthen you and help you deal with whatever's going on. You can't control him, but you can control how you react to his behavior.
And if I were you, I'd take over the bookkeeping at home.

And that is something that he will never do.

He won't be able to make it without your contribution.

Maybe then he'll finally figure out that you're both going to either sink or swim... HIS CHOICE... together.


Sorry, but IT IS TIME FOR TOUGH LOVE, my dear.

how awful! i don't have any advice to offer, just a hug and a request: be careful and take care of you. :hug:

and thanks I need hugs!:hug:

Please keep us updated. I am sure things will turn around for you. Here's a big hug from me. :hug:

:hug: I know it's tough. :pals:

that you mentioned above is huge! That would be enough to throw most men (or women) into emotional distress. Rational or not, most people have much of their identity and self-esteem tied to their ability to provide for themselves, their family and their future. That radical change and moving to a new state sounds tremendously stressful (!!!!).

I don't know anything more about your situation than you have mentioned on this thread, but your partner sounds like he needs help, grounding and comfort. And, you sound like you need more security and stability. Take advantage of the Ozark Center.

I wish you the very best, Lady Freedom! :hug: :hug: :hug:

I've been through three divorces and all were traumatic.