Teen Arrested For Ejaculating Into Ranch Salad Dressing

<snip>

WHEATON -- A 17-year-old is facing criminal charges after ejaculating into a ranch salad dressing bottle and leaving it out for consumption in his high school's cafeteria.

Marco Raphael G. Castro, a resident of unincorporated DuPage County, surrendered himself to the Wheaton Police Department at about 12:30 p.m. Monday.

A senior at Wheaton North High School, Castro is facing charges of attempted aggravated battery and disorderly conduct for ejaculating into a salad dressing bottle Dec. 6, Wheaton police said.

Castro was released Monday after paying 10 percent of his $15,000 bond, police Cmdr. Joe Eversole said.

Eversole said the crime is a Class A misdemeanor, meaning at most Castro could face one year behind bars.

"I think it is unlikely that he would get (that harsh a sentence), but it's still up to the judge," Eversole said.

Castro is scheduled to appear in DuPage County court Jan. 24.

According to court documents, Castro also was stopped by Winfield police Oct. 30 for speeding; he was sentenced to court supervision.

Although most students on Monday said they were "grossed out" by the incident, Castro's classmates had different things to say about him. Some described him as a "troublemaker," a "partier" and even a "goofy guy."
However, his friends say Castro is a good-natured guy who is funny.

"He's a real nice kid," senior Petey Johns said. "He was able to make up jokes on the spot."

http://www.suburbanchicagonews.com/napervillesun/news/177462,6_1_NA19_SALAD_S1.article

:spray:

:rofl:

:spray:

:rofl:

Welcome to DU! :hi:

That's rich. Welcomed to DU! You're wit will be put to good use here.

Way to go, dude...:puke:

:D

Lucky for you I'm at work; if I was at home and hurled all over my brand new IMAC, you'd be in deep doo-doo...

:rofl: :hi: :P

RIGHT? x(

:hi:

that's just depraved, man.

:spray: :rofl: :applause:

:rofl: :P

"Hung like a Horsey."




:hide:

:rofl: :rofl:

is good for your skin, y'know.

:rofl:

pure evil!

:evilgrin:

Actually none of us want to know what happens to our food before it is fixed.

now.

:yoiks: Kinda ruins things now, doesn't it? :P

my jar of mayonaise, could you return it please?








Oh wait, on second thought, never mind. :hide:

:spank:

:rofl:

n/t

:rofl:

:hi: :loveya:

That's it...no more salad bar for my daughter.... gaaaaahhhhh :puke:

bllaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!


Protein? No thanks!

:puke: :puke: :puke:

how did he get caught?

:P

watched him handling more than the bottle of dressing :shrug:

Damned sexy salad dressing....

But I can't seem to put it together.

*sigh*

with the visitor to NYC craving seafood, so he gets into a cab and asks the cabbie, "Do you know where I can get scrod?"



Cabbie says, "You know, I've been asked that a million times, but never in the past perfect subjunctive."




I doubt there is a "past perfect subjunctive." I made it up.

The poor lad simply couldn't help himself.

Gross story, though!

What a sicko.

:spray: :rofl:

:scared:

:scared:

:puke:

that's what gave it away, in the first place...;-)

Funny.

But wrong!

Don't know whether to :spank:

or :rofl: .

we could all do with more laughing and spanking. :D

Not recently.

:scared:

When I was in HS, I knew a guy named Marco (swear to gawd) who did the exact same thing, except on the iceburg lettuce, i think. :wow:

That's fucked up.

:puke:

sure a lot of that goes on too.

Not that I'd know. Seriously. I'm a married man and I know my husband would not be happy.

:evilgrin:

I hope my kid ends up doing something like that. After all, only real nice kids do such things. :sarcasm:

What a little creep. He should be required to do community service and get some psychiatric help.

What that kid did is nothing less than disgusting if not outright pathological. It appalls me that so many here would choose to crack jokes about it.

:puke:

he was ARRESTED??????

:shrug:

There's an Olive Garden joke in here somewhere...

respond....I really don't want to read anything about that. LOL!

to the Jismnasium...

:spank:

RL

:rofl: :evilgrin:

:rofl:

:rofl:

:hide:

:rofl:

not yours matcom -- although -- you perv --

and they caught it before anyone dipped their vittles into it. There is just no way to talk about this, is there?

Damn Space Monkeys...

:puke:

salad to a new level.

Cream of Sum Yung Gai

(Old....I know....I'm sorry):blush:

Ha.

after reading this thread... You all are too funny.... :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Thank goodness I've graduated from high school...

and you ask for the dressing on the side!

And I'm definately not going to start now! lol

pretty erotic today.

I thought that was pretty gross, myself.

just hardly ever see you comment on such topics

when you bring my salad!

The only way to go these days...

:shrug:

Just not usually this much.

The judge should make him chug the bottle. :evilgrin:

and, yes, there are right in the middle of THAT scene.

Fight the power, Durden!

(I've never really been a fan of Ranch Dressing, Mayo, or most of the other white goo.)