Need advice, please

Seven months ago my husband quit his well paying job to essentially become a salesman. He knew little about the field, didn't have many contacts, networks, etc. It's turned out to be a disaster. He realized some time ago that this wasn't working and he needs a job. He appealed to is old boss, who was in the process of leaving the company -- old boss seemed to have a job lined up for both of them with another company, they've heard assurances again and again that "this is going to happen." But it doesn't happen. It's been weeks now.

In the meantime, he's not doing much to search. He keeps saying he's "waiting for a job." Folks, I don't know about you, but I've never waited for a job, I've busted my butt to go get my jobs. I just don't get this.

I'm the only one making money. I'm keeping us afloat, but not by much. What the hell should I do? Any guidance, insight, anything would be welcome.

:hi:

I'm sure others will offer much better advice than this, but it sounds to me like he is depressed and has given up for the time being. I would recommend you sit down together and make a plan. For example, set a goal to answer so many ads, or make so many calls, or send so many resumes per day. Then make sure he does it. Just don't let him sit around doing nothing. He needs you to get him moving again.

I went through this a number of times with my older son... Job-hunting is the pits.

If he needs his job-hunting or resume-writing skills updated, perhaps you could look for a place for him to go to learn how to do that (such as community college or employment agencies).

Good luck! Let us know how it's going, OK?

A few years ago, my old boss promised to rehire me, but nothing ever happened. I still stay in touch with him and he says, "If something becomes available ....." I decided to work part-time and go back to college with the aim of starting a new career in a few years. Your husband at the very least should be looking for a job or taking courses to help him develop some new skills. He also should have an honest talk with his boss and say something like, "I can't afford to wait much longer and would really love to work for you again. Can you tell me the status of what's going on?" At least in the technology field, it's not uncommon for a job to be open but for the the position to remain unfilled for years because the funding is unavailable.

Also, I think you should ask your husband what he thinks you should do to ease your worries and fears. Clearly, he has a responsibility to your psychological health, and should at least do some job hunting if only to reassure you. Lastly, and I bet he knows this, it's very tempting to sink into the waiting game, since it's awfully easy not to work at all. As long as his boss keeps stringing him on, he can justify a lazy lifestyle that will ultimately be reinforced by low-grade depression.

Thanks for your kind words. Understand he's got an MBA, speaks two languages, has a great resume, technical skills. He walked away from a six-figure salary.

He doesn't care at all about my concerns except to yell at me from time to time for looking worried. So now my job is to not look worried or even ask what's the latest. I'm very alone on this. However, I will do all I can to get him working -- that way perhaps we can go our separate ways. Our marriage is not good; we have a child and I've stuck it out up until now -- but of late, my daughter has asked me twice why I married daddy?

Too heavy for a Thursday night, but I really feel alone.

he's either frustrated, depressed, or both. Hopefully he's not just a slacker, I think if he's held down a job he will likely look for another one.

However, I would sit down and tell him your frustration and let him know what you are feeling, otherwise he may not realize it.

:pals:

good luck

and welcome to DU!

First, you have to settle the temporary strain on the financial situation because that alone harms marriages.

This is not always easy to do, but sometimes people have to swallow their pride for a bit and take a job that they normally wouldn't, just to keep some money coming in. Even if he took a job at minimum wage for a while, that's still more than he's bringing home now.

And there is no reason why he can't do something like this and look for a job. Hell, having to go to a job that he doesn't like might light a little fire under him...

You could suggest this, but of course delicately.

If I was in his position, I'd probably be bartending or delivering pizzas just to stay busy.
But he's not me.
I'm a freelancer myself, and have been hustling for months. And I'm making progress. Ever day I spend working or marketing pays off one way or another. Yesterday I pitched my services (writing, editing, design) to a rabbi on the metro in DC;)

That would be my first suggestion. Play recruiter. If nothing else, it will help you to feel less helpless.