Shopping at Wal*Mart (joke)

Mr and Mrs Fenton are retired. Mrs Fenton insists that Mr Fenton go with her to Wal-Mart. He gets bored with all the shopping. He prefers to get in and get out, but Mrs Fenton loves to browse.

Here's a letter Wal-Mart sent to Mrs Fenton:

Dear Mrs Fenton:

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may ban both of you from our stores. We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment. All complaints against Mr Fenton are listed below:

Things Mr Bill Fenton has done while you were shopping in Wal-Mart:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of prune juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.

4. July 9: Walked up to an employee, told her in an offical tone: "Code 3 in Housewares" – and watched what happened.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the Camping Department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'd bring pillows from the Bedding Department.

8. September 23: When a clerk asked, "May I help you?", he began to cry and screamed: "Why can't they just leave me alone?"

9. October 4: Looked right into the Security camera — and used it as a mirror to pick his nose.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the Hunting Department, asked the clerk if he knew where to find the anti-depressants.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. December 6: In the Auto Department, practiced his "Madonna" look using different size funnels.

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and, when people browsed through, yelled: "PICK ME! PICK ME!"

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he fell to the floor in a fetal position and screamed: "No! No! It's those voices again!"

And last, but not least,

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while, then yelled very loudly: "There is no toilet paper in here!"