Well i didn't see this coming...

...he announced this evening he has an apartment and is moving out as of Aug 1. Which is uncoincidentally 2 days before our 21st wedding anniversary. I am not sure what to say or do at this point.

:hug:

it answers some of your questions with new ones, but it answers others with answers.

...that I have to solve NOW.

and I'm sorry... :hug:

...she is out of the question. She's staying with our nephew and his wife and they have no room. In fact, she may be moving soon. :shrug:

How do you feel about it?

...what a combo, eh? Now I have some basic shelter problems to fix.

Damn. All I can do is offer you a hug at this point. That just sucks.

...my problems are minuscule compared to yours. Thanks for the hug. :hug:

Mine are tiny compared to others', but their problems don't directly affect me.

YOU are going through major things that affect YOUR life - and you can't compare them to other peoples'.

yeah - it could be worse, but damn it could be a lot better.

You are the one going through this, and it is major to you. And not matter what else I or others are suffering through, this is YOUR life and it is directly affected.

Relative to your life this is huge. And I can't really offer much wisdom here except to say that you take care of your self and this is the only life you have. Don't spend it in misery - it sucks :)

You are a wonderful person from what I have seen here, don't let this get to you too much - but it does, and will, hurt - and I and your friends here will do our best to listen and support you.

You have all done that for me, and the best I can do is return the favor - because I learned that here I have people that will listen and be honest with me.

You have only to PM me and I will give you my cell #. Or just post how your feeling (and if I don't see it as I am in and out feel free to PM me the thread).

Friends help friends, and you have all been my friends in my hard times, and I will do the same in return.

...Good tears this time though. Thanks.

Change on this scale sucks. It sucked me and it does for you.

BUT I will say this - I found myself and my life after all that. I found a life I never thought I ever would. It was dark, nearly killed myself at one point over it. The pain was terrible - and yet I felt liberated, which made me feel a tad guilty.

I don't know what you are feeling deep inside, all I can offer is the hope of a better day. I found my better days years later, even though I was the one that left.

There is a better life out there, and now it is in your control. We can offer support here as you go through this. It is not easy starting over, it never ever is. But the end result is probably going to be the best for you (as it seems your SO is not committed to you anymore).

This is YOUR chance, as sucky as it may seem, to start a new life and control it's direction.

It sucks, and I can empathize on how that feels. It won't be easy or fun. But it is what it is, and the only thing you can do is go with it and make this change work for the best for you.

I have to run for a few hours, but will be back. And again, if ya need to talk, PM me.

We are buckeyes afterall :)

I hope that you are able to stay focused on taking care of yourself through all of this. I don't know what else to say other than I'm sorry. :hug:

I'm trying but its hard.

Always. :hug: :hug:

...you all have been here for me for a long time now. and I appreciate it more than ever. :hug:

I am so very, very sorry.

May I please say, that per your post the other night about his 'friend'; I am not suprised.
Bet my house the friend is a woman.

You, however, need to be angry at some point. I get the distinct feeling that he has used you and it's pissing me off all the way over here in NC. But, I am not you.

I think, in time, you will be well rid of this. But I know that may be no consolation now. All my hugs to you...:hug: :hug: :hug:

...I've lived with him for 27 years. He just doesn't seem the type. But his actions have been strange lately, so I dunno.

..anyone, unfortunately, can end up being the type. Anyone who meets me and my husband now could never imagine that I used to run around like crazy on my ex finace, but I did. I felt like shit about it too, and resolved after awhile to stop. I have stuck to my guns about it...but you also have to realize that, as someone downthread said, it could be a midlife crisis.

I hope you can find financial/housing support. I will be thinking about you.

:hug:

Take care of yourself first and foremost.

:hug:

...:hug: thanks.:hug:

So, I'll give you some of these... :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

...hugs are always appreciated. :hug:

:hug:

...:shrug: thanks for the hug, Hypno.

But I just wanted to say that I'm sorry you're going through this. At this point, the most important thing for you to do is take care of YOU.

...I'm working on that. Hard as it is.

mine left in Oct. after 30 years...
I love you, but I'm not in love with you (blah fucking blah)
please educate yourself... Put midlife crisis in google....
promise, there is help, this is the best website
http://www.fortysixty.org/
a godsend to me

my heart is breaking for you.......

PM me if you need OK


lost

:hug:

Meaning... is there another woman? Why has he decided to leave now? Is he worried about the predicament he is leaving you in?


What a shitty thing to do, telling you less than 2 weeks before he moves out. What are you going to do now?


In the end, it will be for the best. As per your other posts recently I sense that you aren't happy at all and were
wishing that driving away was an option. You mentioned to Retro that you would love to go to your sons and then head on to your sisters.
Sounds like a good plan.

A fresh start- away from whatever the husbands drama is.

Hugs to you.

...I can tell you this: we haven't spoken much beyond necessity in some time. I am usually the last to hear about anything going on with him. I haven't been happy for a while now and he doesn't care.

The trip to the son's and my sister is a pipe dream at this point. Nice to think about, but implementing it will be difficult.

I wish for you all the best.
Change is difficult & can be incredibly painful, but sometimes, the hardest changes bring the best things.
Your husbands behavior (and lack of consideration) shows that he is unworthy of you.
YOU DESERVE MORE. Stay strong!!

We are all pulling for you!!

Just like that, he dropped that on you?

I want to join with the others here, and tell you to please take care of yourself.

:hug:

...technically he didn't tell me. He told my oldest son and his girlfriend. I just happened to be in the room when he said it, as fucked up as that sounds.

If your son hadn't come over and he hadn't let it out at that moment, when the hell was he going to tell you?
I'd pack his shit right now and tell him to leave. He has no problems disrupting your life- go ahead and push right back.
He's stated his intent to move and clearly had no intention of telling you- I say throw his ass out now.
Then HE can know what it feels like not knowing where you are going.

What an ASSHOLE. Do your children realize what a selfish son of a bitch he is?

I am SO SORRY that you are going through this.

That totally sucks! Not only was it unkind of him to "tell" you in that way, but it was also unkind to your son and his girlfriend.

...except it wasn't exactly a surprise to them. It was more of a heads up to them. To me. it's a :wtf: moment... My son and his girlfriend have been planning on moving out for a little while now. So it's just going to be oblivious ol me here. All utilities paid to the end of the month, and the taxes due on the property. I figure it'll take a couple of months for the taxes to go into arrearage enough for the county to foreclose. THEN I'll be up shit creek.


Gads...now I'm really :(

On edit. this is my 7000th post. :eyes:

That would eliminate the entire problem, right?

...He's probably already got it in the works. :grr:

Take care of yourself, TOhio. Warm thoughts your way.

:hug:

I certainly have no words of wisdom for you. But I certainly know - to an extent - how you feel.

Sounds to me like he needs a complete physical - including mental health. Not that that does YOU any good, but maybe it helps to realize that no - it's NOT you - it IS him.

Hang in there sweetie. You'll get through this. You've always struck me as pretty darned resilient and resourceful person.

...:hug:

:grr:


:hug:

...;)

:hug:

Don't know what to say but good wishes to you on building your future.

:hug:

I have plenty of these, though :hug: whenever you need one.

:hug:

...:hug:

And I have to say I agree with whoever upthread said to pack his stuff and tell him to get out now. As they said, he's totally disrupted your life and didn't even have the courtesy to tell you directly - maybe you need to make him a little uncomfortable, too.

It's not fair that you seem to be the only one hurting and struggling here. :hug: :hug:

Whatever you do, though, I wish you well and can only say that sometimes the things that seem most dreadful and difficult turn out to be some of the most positive. I sincerely hope that's the case for you. :hug:

...he's the master of this house (as far as he's concerned). It wouldn't be in my best interest to kick him out.

As far as he's concerned, he was the only one hurting while his ex-wife was dying, so he's justified in acting the way he does.

I certainly hope for something positive. :hug:

The master of the house would certainly not be such a bitch.

I know you need to do what you need to do - I'm just inherently against women being treated like shit.
( I grew up with a single struggling mother.. lots of back story there)

He didn't have the courtesy to tell her of the coming disruption and it is ridiculous.
I guess moving on August 1 must be convenient to HIM- but since he hasn't shown her an
ounce of consideration I say pack his shit and leave it outside the door with a note that said
"It's more convenient for me to have you out now. Bye"
The whole story really sucks- I wish I lived closer to her so I could kick his ass!!:mad:

when one door closes - another one opens. i certainly wish you well in the days ahead. i know from your posts that you have been going through a particularly trying time. life is giving you another chance to do for and take care of yourself!:pals:

I hope you're right...:hug:

Here's a hug for you if you want :hug:

One word of advice: if you get a separation agreement drawn up, make sure he takes his debt with him (if I'm remembering correctly from something you said in another thread).

Be very aware of what's going on in any joint savings/checking accounts that may have money in them. Sometimes in these situations, the leaving spouse withdraws all the money in order to set up their new place or for whatever reason. Not good.

Sorry if I sound like a lawyer. :(

...I'm not sure what the law is in Ohio, but I'll find out.

A spouse who is left in this way does have certain rights under the statutes in your state. You don't have to be at his mercy on all the decision-making is all I'm saying.

Take care yourself. :pals:

:hug:

There are some rough times ahead for you and I hope that in the end you find a good, happy place for you. You're too nice a person to have anything less.


on edit: call a lawyer TOMORROW. You need an advocate.

...hope i can find somebody cheap.

:hug: :pals: I'm so sorry. It truly stinks. And I agree---tell him to pack his shit up and get out now. Don't let him drag this out until August 1. You deserve so much better than that. :hug:

...it does stink. Not sure if i can kick him out, but i can certainly limit my exposure to him.

:hug:

...:hug:

What a terrible thing to be blindsided by. I'm sorry.

:-( :hug:

...all the signs were there, I just missed them. :hug:

it's gotta hurt, I'm sure. You have loads of good thoughts from me...

Google "hindsight bias."

But don't beat yourself up for not seeing it!

Damn his worthless soul to hell....:grr:

I'm sure you can find a lawyer who will work on a contingency basis....

Or maybe even pro bono......for free...

What a bastard he is...

I have no words worth repeating.....

Just these...:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

...we were just talking about planning to leave. Now he's leaving. It's gonna take all I got to climb into that bed later, I can tell you. I'd rather strangle him.

that's really abrupt. how you doing?

:hug:

...still wrapping my mind around this. My options are few at this point. He's fortunate that I'm not a violent person.

My best in thoughts, prayers, positive vibes, hugs and best wishes is all that I can offer you:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

:hug:

and some good stuff happening in your life. :hug:

...Things just have to start looking up. :hug:

I'm so sorry, TOhioLiberal. I wish I had some good advice for you, but I'm pretty dumbfounded by this. As others have said, be sure to take care of yourself--in all ways, physically, mentally, spiritually, financially. I'm sure it's hard to even begin to do anything but try to handle the practical matters first so you'll have what you need. :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

I am really sorry TOhioLiberal



As said upthread, you have friends here who are always willing to listen and help as good as possible,

This is a hard one to take but you can take this as an opportunity to triumph over this. A new beginning. You will recover and live the life you want.

As many others had said, you are #1 now and take good care of yourself :hug:

pardon my language for a moment, but don't let that fucking piece of shit walk all over you. Yes, it's going to be tough, but I'm sure you're a smart person, and you'll be a stronger, hopefully happier person when things settle down a bit.

And we're all here for you. :) :hug: