My mom is still alive.. That won't always be the case.. A few questions..

She is very unhealthy and has tons of health problems. I have a few questions.

1. I would like to start saving for the inevitable. She has nothing and is always broke. I'm the only one left that will pay for the arrangements. So, what is the cost of embalming, casket, service, plot, and etc.. I can figure out the wake myself. How much should I save up?

2. She is in Ohio and I am in Oregon. I would like her to be buried here. How exactly is this done? Does the funeral parlor take care of these things? Are bodies transported on normal commercial flights? UPS? What should I expect trying to get the body back to Oregon?

Sorry, this is really morbid. But, I would like to be prepared.

If there is a local funeral home you know and trust, ask them about it. They deal with this kind of thing all the time (shipping remains across country, buying plots and caskets, etc). They can help you make all the arrangements before your mom is gone. Its a lot easier to deal with prices and arrangements when you're not also dealing with grief.

My great-aunt, in her 90's, made all her own arrangements with a funeral home years ago. She has everything down to what kind of service, casket, even what dress she wants to be buried in. A bit morbid, but also a big relief. We know she'll get exactly what she wants, and there will be no financial strain.

A funeral home can make the transport arrangements. Either on in your town or one in Ohio. We had to fly my mother from DC to Ill when she died. She was to travel by commercial air, unfortunatly her flight was grounded on 9/11 and we ended up having to hire a driver to take her. The home offered to let us do the driving but I was not prepared to do it.

Costs can vary greatly depending on what type of services you need. Embalming is not required. Caskets can range from simple pine box with no metal fasteners(conservative and orthodox Jews use them) to elaboratly ornate.

You can probably talk to a home and get some of the arrangements made ahead of time and get an estimate.

I'm not sure how you feel about this, but would cremation be an option? This will reduce the cost of the funeral itself, and negate the need for a plot. When my father passed away, my mother and the rest of the family opted for cremation, no plot necessary. We went for a lower-cost casket because of this, it was covered with draperies in the funeral home so appearance wasn't a major issue. Even going this way, the costs for everything were around $4500.

I have discussed this with her..

..a very expensive burial, why should you have to go into debt over it? I mean, if you end up being able to save enough money, that's one thing; but I just don't believe the living should have to suffer because someone doesn't think cremation is a sufficient way to be "laid to rest."

Sorry, but this subject just infuriates me sometimes. I gave my husband strict instructions I am to be simply cremated and he can do whatever with the ashes... he may flush them down the toilet. It doesn't matter -- I will be dead.

Again, I am sorry if this sounds tacky... or, harsh.

Good luck with it all.

:hug:

instead of going his own way since you won't be the one paying any of it. Expense isn't the only factor that could trigger suffering among the survivors, KC2. What if your husband loves you so much and misses you so terribly that he wants to go far beyond the simple cremation you desire? Wouldn't you _still_ want him to honor your wishes, even if it meant a bit of suffering on his part?

And, I also put the instructions in my will.

:hi:

Right down to the haunting part. :hi: :hug:

Please don't be swayed by those who would attempt to persuade you to put her wishes aside. I'm betting that your mom isn't insisting on an opulent state-funeralesque affair to mark her passing.

Thank you, too, for loving your mom enough to care about these arrangements in advance. I don't think it sounds morbid at all. Your mom raised a good man. :hug:

The most economical solution while still being respectful is to be cremated in Ohio and then transported back for the interment option of her choice. That can be anything from scattering ashes in a field to putting them in a conventional plot with a headstone.

I don't know the costs but I know increasingly my family has been seeking the cremation option because it is efficient. You're right to plan for it now. A time of stress and grief is not time to try to be a smart shopper and I'm sorry to say that the undertaking business seems to count on that.

I think it's very sensible (but then, I've had my arrangements in place since I was in my late 20's - I don't want my kids to have to deal with that when they're either grieving or celebrating :P ).

I agree with AllegroRondo - a professional in your area should be able to help you with all that.

Check with an independent insurance agent and see if you could get a small life insurance policy that doesn't require a physical exam, e.g. $5,000 or $10,000. If premiums are affordable, that may be an option.

Social Security will also provide a $200 death benefit.

Go online and find a funeral home in the area where she lives and get information about final costs. You can plan a funeral and burial/cremation for a reasonable amount. They can also give you information about what's needed to transport the body - there are permits, etc. The funeral home will take care of these things for you, but at a price.

Its not morbid, death is a natural thing. Good planning makes it less stressful for you and keeps you from spending more than she would want you to spend.

You don't have to get everything from the funeral home, they cannot require you to buy a casket through them.

Costco now sells caskets at prices much lower than most funeral home's options.
http://www.costco.com/Common/Search.aspx?whse=BC&topnav=&search=casket&N=0&Ntt=casket&cm_re=1_en-_-Top_Left_Nav-_-Top_search&lang=en-US

1. Typical average cost is about $6,000 for all the costs of processing a dead body, though that includes the average $2000 casket and $1,500 vault, which you might not need either of. Embalming itself is about $1,500-$2,000, and isn't actually necessary - it's only necessary if one wants to view the body after a few days. There is no legal reason for embalming.

Plots, depending on where you would like to bury her, can be anywhere from a few hundred to thousands.

Another option is cremation - it's the cheapest way to go, especially if you forgo the embalming, and since you are transporting her to Oregon from Ohio, that will save you TONS of money.

Not that one wants to look at one's mother's death as an opportunity to save money, but shipping the body will not be cheap - I don't prices for sure, but I'd imagine in the low hundreds, maybe more if they require shipment in a casket (though I have no idea what the regulations are).

You could call a local funeral home and ask them about all this stuff, and they will happily help you out (though they might not offer you the cheapest options unless you badger them).

The cost of a funeral service, if you are talking a Christian one, should be close to nothing - it's customary to offer the minister an honorarium ($150 is a good amount), but I don't know of any legitimate minister who would actually charge for it, and I can't imagine any church asking for any money to hold a service there (they might ask for money ifyou want to have a lunch, and they might ask for a small amount to help cover janitorial services, but churches are generally really, really good about knowing the importance of a funeral and never asking for money that people don't have). You can also have the funeral/memorial at the funeral home, which shouldn't cost you any extra, or even just ask a pastor to do a graveside service.

If she's old enough to be on Social Security, I believe SS pays about $500 for funeral services.

Not to children. Found that out the hard way.

A friend told me that Social Security would also take back their payment for the month of December -- even though my mother died just three days before the end of December. This was another bogus story, because they didn't touch it.

It seemed stupid that they would take it back on the 28th day of the month.

it if it is after the tenth. In my dad's case, it went directly to the nursing home anyway. AND, on top of that, we had to pay about $4500 a month for the two months he was in the hospital to 'save his bed'.

I figured it was money well spent if he would have recovered, but sadly, he didn't. :cry:

My father spent a single night in a nursing home and died that night. My mother would have had to go to one (which would have killed her), but she died in the hospital instead.

That was one shitload of money for an unused bed.

Keep in mind my mom isn't dead yet. I just want to be prepared. She could make it another five years. I just don't want to be figuring this shit out when it does happen.

him to CT was $2000.

That sounds doable.

take mom for one last drive across the country. A friend of ours drove 'mom' around town for a couple weeks before deciding what to do with ashes.

That said, in answer to questions: Expect between $7500 and $10K for an average casket embalming. they will provide any additional service you wish to pay for.

More importantly, for this stage, do you have the legal and financial affairs in order? Do you have a power of attorney? Ability to sign/decide for her if need be?

I'm kind up on this stuff as today I'm moving my mom from one nursing home to another (she got kicked out for requiring too much care.). It really helps that I have POA, can sign checks, have authorization to deal with banks, social security, insurance, etc. I've been her legal guardian now for a year.

The whole deal, beautiful casket, lovely service ran about $15,000.

For my FIL, it was about $10,000 because he was buried here in the VA veterans cemetery.

They can probably tell you better than anyone here can. Look around too for a school of mortuary science. They might be able to not only give you answers but a better price.

It's such a waste and takes a toll on the environment.

That is too bad your mom is against cremation. It would be hard to go against her wishes, but if you are the one who will eventually pay for it, I don't think you should have to go into debt for a burial.

I am starting to save now. I was curious how much I need to put away. I should have about 5 to 10 years.

i honestly don't see the point of doing this, your mom won't know if you instead cremate and scatter her ashes, and it's a lot of $$$ for your own future that you're flying around the country to put into a hole in the ground

i can't afford to pay for traditional funerals for my parents, i'm just plain not going to discuss it with them, i can't be put in the position of promising to do something that i couldn't ever afford to do and it would be terribly wasteful if by some miracle i won the lottery and could afford it

these days around here it seems like the only people who have traditional burials/funerals in new orleans are the drug dealers or older people who have those pre-paid plans/insurance so that they are paying the cost themselves

honestly if your mom doesn't care enough about it to arrange it/insure for it herself then maybe her wishes are not really much more than an idle preference

maybe it's different in ohio and oregon, in fact it probably is, but it will still be the high four figures or the low five figures -- a year's living expenses to many of us who participate on DU -- and for what really?

all those inflated costs you hear about for weddings? well inflation has hit burials too, these vultures operate for profit and they deliberately prey on people's superstitions and vulnerabilities to extract big money from them

:thumbsup:

I think it's a little more than just "not caring."

in your area.

There is one in my city, and the whole shebang costs less than $1000.

It is called RiverView Cemetery.

The Memorial Society of Georgia quotes fees of $1950 for a simple burial. It doesn't look like there's a chapter in Oregon, but the Georgia chapter has this link, with lots of useful information:

Funeral Consumers Alliance
http://www.funerals.org/

Update: there IS one in Oregon, it just goes by a different name:

Funeral Consumers Alliance of Oregon
http://www.funerals.org/Oregon/

My dad in '94: Funeral and etc. and plot: $12,000
My mother in '04:Funeral and etc., NO plot: $16,000
Fiance in '01: Everything: $16,000

Sorry, that's all the info I can provide. Good luck. It IS a pain in the ass; pre-pay for everything you can. I know that sounds horrible; but you will appreciate it when the time comes.

Kids can be such brats sometimes.

And even family members can be cold to those who are ill and not well off.l