Not this shit again. People, am I the kind of person who doesn't want to hear about your feelings?

Do I react irrationally when you write that you are sad, or sick, or **getting married** or looking for a job?

Also, if a man reaches 51, and for a number of good reasons is insecure and therefore defensive as hell, is there any hope that he will ever relax and just enjoy the ride? He tells me three times a week that I'm going to get bored with/tired of him, but yesterday when I responded with, "No, you'll tire of me first," he decides that I'm insecure and am putting out unconscious messages that I want the relationship to end. "What is it about her that I don't know?" he blogs. Jeebus H. Christos. How can anybody so smart be so emotionally backward?

He keeps saying he's afraid I'll hurt him, and then he acts like a fricking jerk so that, as wonderful as he is in all other respects, I just want to walk away. I've never encountered anybody like him before. I like him so well that I'm going to wait until he commits a real crime before I declare it's over and yes I am aware how stupid that is.

I know, it's hard to elicit sympathy because he's a repuke and because I know he's bad news. I guess I'm just venting (again) and by Sunday everything will be roses & sugar. See ya tonight when I'm steaming mad. :eyes:

:hug:
My pm box is always open for you Crimmy.

:hug: :loveya: :hug: :)

:) :loveya:

Redstone

:rofl:

:spray:

OMG

too funny Redstone...

:hug:

I've no advice. :D

I'm enjoying the hug. :hi:

Having read your posts in this thread. You ought to try to get him to understand that his insecurity, and the anger he uses to protect himself is the biggest problem your relationship has.

He really does need to learn to relax and enjoy the ride. And he needs to understand that. If he is spending time worrying about when and why you will leave him, he can't be fully into enjoying the time that you are together. If the relationship works out, and you stay together "forever" one of you is still going to leave (via death) eventually. So he can either enjoy the time you have together, or he can waste that time by worrying about the future.

Worrying won't change the future, but in this case, the worry can adversely affect the future.

So, explain that to him, and when he seems to "get it" things should go fine until the next time he starts to feel insecure. Then you have a phrase you can use to bring him back to the present - something like "Enjoy the ride, or ruin with worry. Your choice."

Bang him over the head with that enough times, and he'll either learn it in his bones, or you'll get tired of saying it, and he'll know why you walked away.

It's your life too, and you're the one you have to take care of first.

:hug:

you two need to go and have a mad passionate weekend somewhere and get past this stuff i think :hi:

He simply doesn't see where he might be part of the problem, although days later he will often apologize for his anger/behavior.

As for a passionate weekend... sigh. We do those very well but it doesn't seem to help the situation.

and go shopping :P

:hug:

sorry sweetie

And it's okay. I'm already past the anger and thinking about jumping in the shower. Have a great night my dear. :loveya: :hug:

but fortunately tomorrow will be better :D

:hug:

:loveya:

But... as for how long it'll take him to relax... who knows?

It sounds like you really care about him... I'm sure your patience will win out over your expectations of rational behavior. :P

about the relationship. While this makes sense in theory - it is hurtful to the other party involved.

I sorry to hear it. :(

Thanks. :)

someone loves them more or less unconditionally.

continue being understanding, as I have done? Because part of me, the independent part, is shuddering at the thought that I'm being "conditioned" to respond with love to all of his outbursts, but know that when I have a problem with him, it will be dealt with when and how he sees fit. It's actually kinda scary yet when he's not upset he is an incredible man.

while at the same time realizing that, when he does it, he is in need of reassurance that he is loved. Even though it is a hurtful game to play, it is seeded in a very real need.

It will be worth the effort. Thank you for your thoughts, ChoralScholar.

I understand that all relationships need to develop over time, but don't let it become emotionally draining.

:hug:

He has had so many bad experiences and he expects me to be the next one. My plan is to... keep at it and see what happens.

I wish you the best weekend! :hug:

We're expecting 3 days of thunderstorms again. The pain is already rolling in. It is not going to be a good weekend. :(

:hug:
If you have a good weekend I want to hear about it and I'll enjoy the weekend vicariously. :)

I'm sorry for your pain. I'll try to have fun for your sake, hehe. Many hugs! :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

Maybe not aggressively so, but his insecurities are making him say some rather damaging things.

to insecurity with anger and I react to anger by withdrawing. My STBE has anger issues and I have little interest in trying to spend the next seventeen years tiptoeing around my own house.

It sucks, Writer. He is remarkable, amazing except for this problem.

You may ALWAYS be honest with me, though I might spit at you in response. :hi:

;)

Hey - it's so soon, anyway. Why the rush? This man has had 51 years to sort out his baggage.

everything, and the both of you rip off your clothes and hit the hay, the better off you'll both be.

Keep life simple, and you'll enjoy it more.

(Hey, you DID ask for opinions...)

Redstone

:D

I think I'll print out your response and carry it with me.

You used the word "unstinting," and used it correctly, and were not the slightest bit self-conscious about doing so.

You are a very bright young woman, and one who has many other desirable qualities as well. If you never take ONE other piece of advice from me, print THIS one and take it home: Never, EVER sell yourself short. You DESERVE to be happy, and you do NOT have to "settle" for a relationship that does not make you happy.

That lesson took me a LONG time to learn, but after I finaly did, everything changed for the better.

Trust me on this one, OK?

Redstone

will be sending a message that you are tired of the crap!

I always put on my headphones and play some of my favoirte soothing or angry music (Vangelis, Tarzan instrumentals from the soundtrack, Enya, Don't Want You Back Backstreet Boys :D) and then start playing the game. (I bought the CD so I have the deluxe edition, but the online game is fun too.)

http://www.popcap.com/gamepopup.php?theGame=zuma&lcid=1033&alt_webgame=flash

(P.S. Having been in a situation similar, the reason for this behavior is to make you feel so guilty that you will never leave him. The effect of this type of behavior is the intended one, or the unintended self-fullfilling prophesy. You will get quite sick and tired of it....)

Good luck and :pals:

:hug: :hug:

don't settle for less.

:yoiks:

















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(IMHO anyway)
I probably sound like Crissy Snow yet again, but if you think about it, you'll get what I mean.

There's men in my past I can certainly be friends with, but there's such communication gaps on such core levels, the relationships were doomed on the romantic realm. You don't have to be with anyone who makes you miserable. In fact, I didn't attract a man who treated me well until I didn't need anyone besides my kids, a few good friends, and a good vibrator on occasion.

You deserve a healthy relationship, sweetie. I think you know this inside.

I really hope you find what you are looking for out there. This guy does not seem like Mr. Right from out here in the cheap seats.

:hug:

Why are you dating a 51 year old?































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