No Receipt? No problem - generate your own receipts here

http://www.smileygenerator.us/receipts/1/

Unfortunately you have to download the results and put them on a photobucket place if you want to show them to everyone.

Here's my receipt from last night

smart, but evil

Jane Curtin: And now, to talk about income taxes, is Weekend Update Social Sciences Editor, Al Franken. Al?

Al Franken: Why, thanks, Jane! Well, now that it's tax time, I know a lot of you are thinking, what can you do to help me, Al Franken, do my taxes. Well, first, let me say that 1979 was a pretty good year for me, even though it wasn't part of the Al Franken Decade. As a major writer/personality for a major TV show, I did.. pretty well. I'm not gonna tell you exactly what I made, because it might make a few of you a little less likely to be concerned about me, Al Franken. But let's just say that.. you'd be pretty impressed.

Now, one nice thing I learned about making a lot of money, is that on the percentage basis, the more money you make, the less taxes you really end up paying. For example, last year, George Bush paid $3,000 in taxes on almost $100,000 income. Not bad, George! You see, the tax codes are written by guys who have a lot of money - just like me, Al Franken.

Okay, now I'm gonna tell you three of the ways that I legally avoid paying my fair share of taxes. I'm not going to tell you everything - after all, this is something I pay my big-time accountant for, whose services are, by the way, tax-deductible.

Now, first - the Al Franken Corporation. You see, I make only $300 a week, paid to me by Al Franken the Corporation. Now, the rest of the money taken in by the Al Franken Corporation goes to paying many of the expenses of its employee - me, Al Franken. Now, of course, the more business expenses that Al Franken, me and Al Franken, the corporation can document, the less taxes I have to pay.

Which brings me to how you can help me, Al Franken with my taxes. I would like each and every one of you to send me your spare receipts. I mean, any receipts. you see, since I'm a comedian, almost anything I spend can be justified as a business expense. For example, this sports jacket. < holds out sleeve > See, I'm wearing it on TV, so it's a business expense. < pulls leg over desk > You see.. these pants here. Now deductible, because they're on TV. < extends wrist > Okay, this watch. It's an expensive watch, it's now deductible. Okay.. < picks up tape deck and puts in on desk > This portable tape deck. It's got everything.. now deductible. Now, this Christmas, I went to Hawaii.. < holds up picture > ..and here's a picture of me in Hawaii, taken by some friends I met there. And, I don't know if you can see this - can we pull in a little closer there? < camera zooms in on picture > Now, obviously, I couldn't have taken this picture unless I'd actually gone to Hawaii, and stayed in a hotel there. And I think that you, the audience, you like this picture, am I right? < audence applauds wildly > Okay, now the Hawaii trip is deductible.

Send me any receipt you can't use! Books! Stationary! Medicine! My accountant can something with it, believe me! I'd like to talk especially to you poor people, who were unemployed in 1979, and went below the poverty level in ghettos of America. Now, you don't pay taxes, you don't need your receipts, so send them to me, please, everybody! Send in your receipts to me, Al Franken, New York, New York. I'd appreciate it. Thank you.

Jane Curtin: Thank you, Al, I hope everything works out.

I still use the 'how can it help me, Al Franken?' line, even though it mystifies everyone under about 40 years old.

What a lew-ser. Costco's got 'em for $74.99.

:eyes:

Though you'd have to view the post tax price to know that :)

Damn ancient-technology purple printers. :grr:

I don't mind showing it, because I'm a corporate apologist.

Where did you find that coupon?

She's got tons of 'em! But you have to say something nice about Delaware or she won't share.

:woohoo:

Oh wait that's just the game

:applause: