God damn my fucking health!! Or lack thereof!!

:rant: And let me begin by saying that I'm grateful for DU, where I can let loose with a public outburst like that. I have some parishioners who wouldn't be freaked out by that, but many who would. And now back to my outburst....

So these cramps that I was sure were a return of my endometriosis are in fact pain from a urinary tract/bladder infection. "No biggie," you think. Just a few anti-b's and I'll be fine. Except that I'm just coming off three weeks on cipro for endocarditis. No way I should have a bladder, or anything else, infection. So, now my doctor is worried that I have something wrong with my immune system in general, and I have to have a bunch of tests. She asked if I knew of any reason why my immune system would be compromised....one of those moments when I wanted to say "YOU'RE the doctor!", but I politely responded, "Why, no." I think she might have been asking if I thought I might be HIV+, but I'm not sure. Again, that's why they made blood tests (and if I'm HIV+, there's either a new way to get it, or someone who was handling needles in the hospital has some 'splainin' to do).

My doc says my heart murmur is "lots worse". "Lots", apparently a new medical term :eyes:. I have no idea what "lots worse" means, or how a heart murmur gets worse at all.

So, Thursday I get yet another echocardiogram, yet another ekg, maybe 24 hour monitoring (I wasn't clear as to whether that was definite or not), and more blood tests.

And I feel fine..except for this occasional "quiver" in my chest that I've always had (and therefore have learned to ignore) and these cramps, I don't feel weak or sick or in any way abnormal. :shrug:

A few little cramps send my doctor into full panic mode, and I feel fine, mostly. But, I'd like to feel fine completely, so I'll go for the tests and all. But it's tiresome to keep going to the doctor for what seem like minor symptoms, and have it turn into a big effin' deal.

Don't even know who I'm ranting at....but I needed to rant. And I know I can do it here.

That's why I love you, my lounge sisters and brothers. :pals:

Okay, I'm done...

The doc's probably just being careful... or padding their billing. :rofl:

Either way, better safe than sorry... please try not to worry too much... that'll just make your health worse, right?

:hi:

And yes, better safe.

Thanks!! :hi:

Your MD sounds like she just wants to make how your heart is working
after the bout of endocarditis. That can be serious stuff, as you know.
Any more feedback on why the bible study group didn't show last week?
Pretty rude of them IMO...p

that she's careful. But I have enough to deal with, what with church crap, the on-going flea issue (which I like to think is now under control, but I've thought that before), and just life in general. What I'd really like is to just be told everything's fine, health-wise, so I can focus on other things. But I may be getting to the age where I'm just going to be dealing with health issues more. AFter all, I have this congenital heart thing that I've always known was likely to become something more some day.

I know why the Bible Study people weren't there. I knew when it happened. This summer, a gay couple in my church got married. They had asked me nearly a year ago to put it on my calendar, that I'd be officiating. Since then, they befriended a clergywoman who's a well-known glbt activist, and asked her to do their wedding instead of me. One of the reasons for this was that I went to my deacons and had a discussion with them about their feelings about gay marriage--which I knew some of them were nervous about. The deacons voted to support my decisions about gay weddings, so it was all good. And the discussion was all about gay marriage in general, not about a specific instance. I'm pastor to everyone, even those I disagree with, so I wanted them to be heard, after all. But the couple saw this as a kind of betrayal.

So, anyway, they asked this other "big name" pastor to do their wedding. When our judicatory staff found out that she was doing a wedding for two members of my church, without any involvement from me, well, they said it was a "boundaries violation", and raised the issue with the ordaining committee for possible disciplinary measures (we're not suppose to "offer pastoral services to members of another congregation without the consent of that pastor" to quote our code of ethics). So, she may or may not be in trouble--I still think nothing will come of it--and I'm being blamed, even though I have not been involved in the disciplinary stuff AT ALL!!

So, in general, to a small but vocal portion of my congregation, I'm evil incarnate. A friend of the couple even said to me "You need to watch your back. We're going to get you." As a colleague of mine said, "It's not paranoia if they've TOLD you they're out to get you." So, things are unpleasant right now. And that particular Bible Study--one of three scheduled each week--was made up entirely of members of the group that currently hate me. And hating me is more important than studying scripture, apparently.

I have lots of support from most of the congregation, and even some of the hater group have fallen away from them, as their behavior has gotten more and more mean-spirited. So, it'll be okay in the end. I know what I am and am not responsible for, and except for one loss of temper (hard to imagine, I know), my conscience is clear.

Thanks for asking!

You can rant anytime, I wish I could say..."I feel your pain"
but that wouldnt be good
Hope you get to feelin better......and have medical insurance like alot of people
dont have....you are lucky!!
:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hi:

Just got a letter saying premiums are going up, again, next year. But my Trustees will grumble--and rightly so, imo--but put it in the budget.

So, it could be worse. Thanks for the hugs!

and I like to think that I'm still a youthful 30 with boundless energy, creative ideas, and a long life of happiness ahead - and it seems to work, in spite of the fact that I'm 50, going through 'the change', and have a couple of the 'issues' you note in your post.

Walk the dog at least twice a day, gone back to yoga class, think of myself as in good shape. My body, apparently, would like to argue otherwise. :(

your murmur "sounds" worse. You won't know until they do the tests and do actual measurments if it actualy is worse, physiologically speaking.

From one cardiac patient to another. :patriot: :hi:

And, as a friend pointed out, it is my heart--not a gall bladder or appendix that they can take out if it's a problem. And, unlike the lungs and kidney, I've only got the one. So, I need to take care of it.

And I'm sorry you're dealing with this on top of the other crap you have to deal with. :hug: :hug: :hug:

Here's lots of calming, healthy thoughts coming your way and remember, Beagle kisses are the best medicine. :hug:

Hugs and beagle kisses. Who could ask for more?

:hi: I hope you feel better soon. :hug: Sending lots of good healing vibes your way! :pals:

Interstitial Cystitis. Let me know if you want more information on there subjects.

P.S. If you are menopausal or post menopausal - they are definitely contributing factors.

I actually went out and bought "supplies", which I haven't needed since I went on depo years ago. I was stunned to learn it was my bladder. My doctor seems sure it is a bladder infection, based on urinalysis.

and sending a hug :hug: