Broken heart post

I was dumped by a guy after about 7 months of dating because his ex came back. She came back a few wks ago, he dumped me, then she didn't call back so we started seeing each other again, then she came back again. Do you think that she may dump him again? I know that I should move on, but I'm hoping that she will dump him for good this time. I don't know what happened but he just said that she had some issues to deal with and that is why she dumped him.

thanks for listening and any response.

Seriously, you can do better than that. He will probably break up with her again, find somebody else, then dump the new person and go back to the ex-- AGAIN.

He's got issues with the ex he needs to fix. He's not worth the heartbreak. Just stay away from him. Be good to yourself.

Any guy who is so fickle that he'll drop you for an ex, come back when she doesn't show and then drop you again is not worth the time of day.

Do you really want to be his, "Meh, I can't get anything else so I guess I'll be with her" girlfriend? Or worse, do you really want to go through this again in another 7 months or so because I'd be willing to bet you would.

Move on. Be good to yourself. Find someone who actually wants to be with you. :hug:

You are actually willing to be the 2nd choice "fallback" girl?

Find someone who thinks YOU are the best.

you shouldn't allow yourself to be second choice.

And your response when he comes back should be a resounding "HELL no!"

You don't sound as if you want to be anybody's backup plan, so don't allow it!

He was not over her when we met. I love him though, and want him back. I think that if she went for 10 months without him, then had felt sick on one date and stayed home because she had to clean her apt on another date, she isn't that interested. She then went to Ca for 2 wks and didn't call him, then called him at the last moment last sat and he took her out. Does that sound like she really cares for him? I think that she if forcing herself to like him because she knows that he will take it. (I know, I'm doing the same thing -being a doormat). I have a hard head, so I have to hear it over and over again so thanks for the responses.

Trying to not email him today. I know that I need to let him go, but I just keep hoping that she will change her mind.

it's his changing mind that is your concern. Don't be his fall back. Fuck him, there is somebody else out there. Deal with the loss - go ahead and hurt and cry a bit and MOVE ON! What an asshole.

"I think that if she went for 10 months without him, then had felt sick on one date and stayed home because she had to clean her apt on another date, she isn't that interested."

Okay, now put it another way -

I think that if he could drop me like a hot rock just because she came flitting around again, he isn't that interested."

Yes, you are being a doormat. Do you know what that gets you in this life? Precious little. Just what is it you love about this guy - the fabulous way he treats you?

Have some self-respect, for crying out loud.

but of course rationalized it away. Any way you slice it, I want him back. I have a MD appt today to try to get on antidepressants because I feel so sick about this. Taking to you all helps me not contact him and be a stalker. We have plans to have dinner on Thurs as friends...not sure why he agreed to that but I think it was guilt. They have plans this weekend. He broke it off with me...I just told him that if it didn't work out between them, to come back to me.

There are situations where one can remain friendly after a breakup and there are those when its not a good idea. Since your feelings about him are so strong and you're having trouble accepting the breakup, I don't see any sense in it - you're going to be sitting there eating your heart out over him. What does that accomplish?

I don't know how old you are - I don't wish to sound condescending but you sound kind of young. You need to start looking at this as a positive thing - you've discovered that the person you invested your love in is not particularly worthy of it and you only wasted 7 months on him.

Cry, yell, throw things, burn his letters and photo and then move on. I know its easier said than done but don't be a passive actor in your own life - take control of it. :hug:

and hell, I know that I'm being immature. I'm just sick about it. I really fell in love with him, and the rational part of me knows that I should walk away. The childish part wants to go to dinner in case it doesn't work out between them, which I don't think that it will.

matters of the heart like this are so so painful. In some ways it's even more so than a death. I;ve been there so I understand the enormous hurt.

This man sounds untrustworthy, fickle and selfish. He will not improve, sweety. He will always be an asshole and have new ways to emotionally torture you. You deserve way way better than that.

Please don't have that dinner with him. I know I know how tempting it is, how those few moments could feel good to you. That tiny thread of hope yanks at your heart. but there is no happy ending for you in this story if you continue to see him.

Can you call up some of your friends, family and let them help you to take your mind off of him, even for a short time? go out, distract yourself for a while until the pain relieves itself a bit. but there is no easy way, it will hurt hurt hurt for a while, but eventually you will come out of it stronger and wiser.

wishing you strength and courage.

Slowing starting to sink in. This is friggin painful, because I went so long without anyone, then found someone that I cared about. I'm thinking about not having dinner with him. I will post it if I don't so that you all can be proud.

or at least plant the seed. We really did have a good time together. I don't know...it will be painful so maybe I won't go(now I'm having a split personality moment).

in no uncertain terms that he will dump you the moment something better comes along. People treat you the way you let them and i think you need to realize that you have worth and you do deserve much than than what he gives you.

he is no prize.

No one ever "wins someone back." Either someone wants to be with you or they don't. This guy clearly doesn't.

I'm going to be blunt here and say, "grow up." Sorry, I know how much it hurts to get dumped but you're showing absolutely no self-respect in this.

when it comes to matters of the heart like this.

in some things we will always be large children. It's not good or bad, just the way it is.

I'm not telling the OP that her pain isn't valid - but I am pointing out that she deserves more than being a doormat for some guy who can drop her at a moment's notice just because some ex comes along.

but there are times when comforting is better than scolding. ;)

I wasn't aware that I had to go through you to respond to someone else's posts.

I'll just leave it at that.

I'll just leave it at that. :rofl:

If any woman I was dating put up with all that from me, I'd have no respect for her. You might keep him around a little longer, but he'll never respect you. You can't win, there are no IF's, AND's, or BUT's about it.

Leave with him respecting you at least.

When will they ever learn?

with a woman who told me that she had been having an affair with him for 32 years.
THIRTY-TWO YEARS!!!! He would go back to her when a marriage broke up, then
would go and marry someone else - and come back to her again, before moving on
and marrying someone else. And she always took him back. She hated herself
for it and, I think, hated him as well.

What a hell of a way to live your life. Do you want to be that woman??

Please have some respect for yourself and drop him before he drops you.
He's a user, and a loser! So lose him ASAP!!

Good luck. You can do it!

As for me, I want someone who wants to be with me.

I don't want someone who will settle for me because his first option isn't available.

What do you want?

I'm trying to get the courage to let go.

They both have issues. Sure, it will hurt to move on but you're hurt now. Go out with friends, go watch children play, watch some old Charlie Chaplin. You need things that make you laugh and feel good...like eating a hot fudge sundae for starters.

Here's a sad song by Flatt and Scruggs I heard as child:

Oh somewhere the music's playing soft and low
And a stranger holds the one that I love so
I was blind I could not see that you meant the world to me
But like a fool I stood and watched you go

Now I'm crying my heart out over you
Those blue eyes now they smile at someome new
Ever since you went away I die a little more each day
For I'm crying my heart out over you

Each night I climb the stairs up to my room
It seems I hear you whisper in the gloom
I miss your picture on the wall and your footsteps in the hall
While I'm crying my heart out over you.

you all don't realize how great it is to have someone to talk to. went to md, got put on lexapro (antidepressant). i can't wait until it kicks in. i plan on only taking for about one month since this is just a situational depression.

when I was depressed about my marriage ending:

- Go to a nursery (where they have trees and plants and flowers) and just walk around. Breathe in the scents.
It's free. Roam around. It's hard to feel angry when you're surrounded by so much natural beauty.

- Do NOT listen to music. It's the fastest way to get melancholy and it can keep you there, too.

- Do something that requires physical exertion (Ex. I tore down all the wallpaper in my house, then sanded the walls and re-painted. That may be a bit extreme,
but it worked, keeping me so busy that I didn't have time to think sad thoughts).

- Get in touch with friends/relatives you haven't seen in a while.

- Pick a project to get involved in, something you enjoy but haven't had time for.

- Be kind to yourself in any way you can. Eat a cookie. Get your nails done, if you like that. Take a long bath. Have that glass of wine!


Hope you decided not to go to dinner with him and to try to move on with your life.
Even though you may not accept this: you do deserve better than that, really! And doing this for yourself will make you stronger. You will find that person who's
meant for you, if you concentrate on making yourself whole.

Take care -

:(

:hug:

Obviously his feelings for you aren't that strong... but your feelings for him do seem to be strong. That's never a good situation.

Good luck :pals:

NOBODY is THAT good looking, or rich, or funny, or charismatic. Get these two out of your life, honey. That stuff is bad mojo, and it rubs off.

He doesn't sound committed, and frankly, he seems to count on you as some sort of back-up. How quickly is he "switching" partners?

You used the phrase "broken heart," but how you proceed will depend upon how you really feel; this might be a healthier avenue of inquiry than your trying to guess what might happen between them. We here certainly couldn't help you divine that. Are you inclined to give him one more chance? Would your mind change if he dumped you a third time? How final were the previous dumpings? How unambiguous were your partnerings?

You appear to be hoping for a particular pattern for a future relationship with this man. I would suggest to you that a very different pattern has already been established.

He'll suck you dry and drop you faster than a used kleenex! And with less regret! Get rid of everything that reminds you of him, change your phone number, and never look back. It may be painful, but it's way better to be lonely than in an abusive relationship!
Good luck!:hug:

...not what some jerk settles for.

She probably will dump him. So should you. :hug:

stop trying to be worthy of someone that isn't worthy of you. You will kick yourself for it on down the line.

Either you hang in there till the bitter end (which may mean he leaves you permanently and goes to her permanently or that he finally gets tired of her leaving him) or you can cut and run. My guess is that those are your two options here. Depending on how much emotion you have invested, if you can cut and run, I'd say do that. If you are very emotionally invested in him, get ready for some pain, cause he can't seem to make up his damn mind. It's going to hurt and hurt and hurt, then hurt some more dealing with his wishy-washiness and indecisiveness.

In either case, good luck.

One of the biggest problems in the dating world is that many women are drawn to men like this and are not interested in dating men who treat them well. I believe this may have been a major factor in the demise of my last very short relationship. This woman told me that no other man had made her feel special, wrote poems for her, said she was beautiful, etc. She had been with a lot of men who hadn't treated her well in the past, and said the way I treated her was totally new to her. Well, she ended up dumping me via e-mail, saying she didn't feel the "spark".

I think this is a major reason why a lot of men play games and are even taught how to manipulate women by some dating advice writers. It's a vicious cycle, and I think women have the power to break it. If more women used critical thinking to make healthier dating choices, I believe that the entire dating world would change for the better.

I hate you are going through this, but.. for levity...

He's just a harmless lil bunny...

Run away!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XcxKIJTb3Hg

:hug: