My wife sent me this e-mail. Is she trying to tell me something?

THE NEXT SURVIVOR SERIES

Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks.

Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes. There is no fast food.

Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of 'pretend' bills with not enough money.

In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week.

Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives, and send cards out on time.

Each man must also take each child to a doctor's appointment, a dentist appointment and a haircut appointment . He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care (weekend, evening, on a holiday or right when they 're about to leave for vacation).

He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function.

Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times.

The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done.

Each father will be required to know all of the words to every stupid song that comes on TV and the name of each and every character on cartoons.

Each man will have to make an Indian hut model with six toothpicks, a tortilla and one marker; and get a 4 year old to eat a serving of peas.

Each man must adorn himself with jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep their nails polished and eyebrows groomed. The men must try to get through each day without snot, spit-up or barf on their clothing.

During one of the six weeks (maybe even TWO), the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties. They must try to explain what a tampon is for when the 6-yr old boy finds it in the purse.

They must attend weekly school meetings, church, and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting.

He will need to read a book to the children each night without falling asleep, and then feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their hair each morning by 7:00 . They must leave the home with no food on their face or clothes.

A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information: each child's birthday, height, weight, shoe size, clothes size and doctor's name. Also the child's weight at birth, length, time of birth, and length of labor, each child's favorite color, middle name, favorite snack, favorite song, favorite drink, favorite toy, biggest fear and what they want to be when they grow up.

They must clean up after their sick children at 2:00 a.m. and then spend the remainder of the day tending to that child and waiting on them hand and foot until they are better.

They must have a loving, age appropriate reply to, 'You're not the boss of me'.

The kids vote them off the island based on performance. The last man wins only if...he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment's notice.

Housewives do these things all the time...

Now it just might be yours...

:evilgrin:

:bounce:

step up to the plate

I smile a lot.

:applause: :applause: :applause: :applause:

Each father will get to spend at least 4 hours a day watching soap operas :hide:

Of course, my wife really isn't into soap operas. Dr. Phil is another story.

It is 4 hours on DU!

:evilgrin:

Any woman who thinks she needs to do all of these things all of the time and resents that men don't needs to do some soul-searching.

Sorry. I know that this is supposed to be humorous, but some of this stuff is stupid. What woman beyond the age of 18 has a science project to complete? That's the child's responsibility.

And that's just one of the things listed here that are choices not an obligations.

What is the biggie there? A lot of parents help kids with their homework.

but I don't really think she needed the help that much. I think she just kind of wanted me to be involved, which was great.

Not necessarily do it for them but help and encourage them!

Surely there's room for balance here.

That smacks of doing the science project. Helping with homework and DOING a child's project are entirely different things.

I have two kids and several pets and I would never dream of doing all the crap in that letter - I also wouldn't want my kids doing that much stuff. They are having a good time being kids - I worked too hard my whole life to become a glorified cab driver for 2 elementary school kids. If i did do all that shit i would not resent my husband for kee-rist sake - He has a job that I would never want and he works damned hard at it. BTW - being almost 51 has a lot to do with why I will not be the soccermom -- ever! It is not part of who I am. I have a friend who has three kids who is the spitting image of the posted letter above - she complains non-stop about never having any time for anything -- DUH! She lives down the street from me and I swear, I see her coming and going 15 times a day -- I asked her once if she was delivering pizzas -- at least that gave her a laugh.

BTW I rarely watch daytime TV --- I found that little comment above to be rather annoying.

Come on! No one makes women kill themselves with those things, except themselves!

that's offensive.

I do know one or two men who do it all, but they are far and few between. I think our society expects and to some extent trains men to opt out of parenting activities.

and hold down a full-time job.

I guess that could explain the 50% divorce rate.

So a lot of what was in the OP joke list hits home with me. Some days are really rough, but it's still better than living with him.

And you are not wallowing about in your own misery trying to look like a martyr.

I want to move there!

I guess we just don't put up with our menfolk slacking off around here.

what a housewife or househusband for that matter actually do all day. A lot of people think they just sit on their asses. But I guess I can see where you come from!

It's obvious this person places vastly unrealistic and unnecessary expectations upon herself and needs help prioritizing her life.

and I intended it as such when I posted this. I've seen this before, as an e-mail forward.

:eyes:

:) Not me! and I didn't mean Vash either!

I'm sorry my response was poorly designed - I didn't mean your wife saw it that way, but whoever DID write that originally has some problems.

:)

to my life right now, except for the part it being on an island and it involving 3 kids instead of 1.

I have 3 kids and I've never done any of this horseshit in my life.

I did NOT ferry my kids to a dozen different events each week. They ate fast food and liked it, damn it!

MY house was a mess, I never cooked regularly, the kids did their own laundry from the time they could reach the machine and the only birthdays I remembered (sometimes) were those of the kids.

I cut their hair myself, bought Hostess cupcakes for the PTA, my house was not decorated and I sure as hell didn't grow flowers.

I didn't have a TV, my kids knew the words to every Pink Floyd song ever written before they were 7. And they did their own damn homework.

I wear jeans and t-shirts and I pity the fool who barfed on them. And when my 6 year old found a tampon in my purse, he was chewed out for being in it in the first place.

I went to a handful of school meetings, never went to church and the "park" was the 800 acres of the farm we lived on. My kids fed themselves, dressed themselves and brushed their own teeth and hair by the time they were in school. Reading is not a chore.

I could not have told you my kids height, weight, shoe or clothes size at any time. I do not know their weight or length at time of birth, I don't recall the time of birth except for my first - I recall that because it was 3 hours after I left work.

Sick kids went to bed and left me the hell alone.

The proper answer to "you're not the boss of me" is "You damn well betcha I am!"

:P

edited to add - my kids are great kids, love me and think I was a terrific mother.

Kids must learn to adapt to the world they were brought in to. Adapting your entire world to accomodate them does them no good in the long run.

I did let them play ONE sport per year and did the driving. Although for two years the school actually had the budget to run a late bus! That was a freaking DELIGHT!

better than women.

One guy can watch all three of them while the other five do the other stuff. Even with one car among the six men, it is still manageable. How old are the children? They might not be using the car much if it needs three car seats.

"Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes. There is no fast food."
Play sports with whom? There are only nine people on the island. Who is going to teach the music or dance classes? Anyway, none of those activities are exactly mandated by heaven.If there is too much to do, option things get reduced.

"Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of 'pretend' bills with not enough money."
What do you mean "his three?" The initial facts presented had six men with three children. That's two men per child. Correcting homework is for teachers. Science projects are for the student. Depending on the age of the child, they can do their own laundry. Also, there's sanitary and then there's nuerotic clean.

"Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives, and send cards out on time."
Why?

"He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function."
Again, why?

"Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times."
Presentable to whom? Presumably he already lives there so it is not like he is trying to sell it. Decorating? Flowers? What for?

"The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done."
With the children doing the chores, such as they are, I can do what I want.

"Each father will be required to know all of the words to every stupid song that comes on TV and the name of each and every character on cartoons."
Bullshit. Parents who put that upon themselves are fools.

"Each man will have to make an Indian hut model with six toothpicks, a tortilla and one marker; and get a 4 year old to eat a serving of peas."
Ah, so one of the three is age four. You can forget about the model. Not going to happen.

"Each man must adorn himself with jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep their nails polished and eyebrows groomed. The men must try to get through each day without snot, spit-up or barf on their clothing."
That is a standard that women impose on themselves. You'll excuse me if I don't join you in this nuerotic behavior.

"During one of the six weeks (maybe even TWO), the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties. They must try to explain what a tampon is for when the 6-yr old boy finds it in the purse."
I would rather set some bounderies for the 6 year old. Stay out of my stuff. Why wouldn't I complain of slow down?

"They must attend weekly school meetings, church, and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting."
What school? There are only 9 people on the island. Forget about church and with only 9 people, the whole island is a park.

"He will need to read a book to the children each night without falling asleep, and then feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their hair each morning by 7:00 . They must leave the home with no food on their face or clothes."
As long as it is a book I like.

"They must have a loving, age appropriate reply to, 'You're not the boss of me'."
Good luck finding your own supper.

"The kids vote them off the island based on performance. The last man wins only if...he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment's notice."
So if I win, I can leave, right?

For a total of 18.

Now -that's- a reality show I actually might watch.

Then again, I'm a beta mom through and through.

- First of all, three kids would be too much for me. If "intelligent design" truly existed, then we would all grow an extra arm for each additional child born. I barely have enough arms for the one kid I have right now.

- Two sports and a music or dance class? No. I know other parents do this, but once again, I know my limitations.

- My house is never sparkling. Sometimes it's a wreck. I'm ok with this. I do work with my daughter on her homework, but her assignments are her responsibility.

- I don't send birthday cards. I barely remember my own birthday. If I remember, I'll shoot you an e-card one week later.

- Kids have haircut appointments? Really? Dentist appointments are few and far between and my kid goes to the doctor when she's sick or when the school nurse reminds me she needs vaccines. This isn't too bad from a scheduling perspective (thankfully I have a healthy kid though)

- I don't do cookies or cupcakes. This is what the bakery at my local grocery store is for.

- I'm not big on lawn work. We live in an apt now though so fortunately this isn't an issue anymore. As for decorating the inside of the house, I like doing it but keep in mind it's never an ongoing thing.

- Why would any parent feel obligated to memorize songs and cartoon characters? Is this really a thing?

- Um, it's my TV. I'll access it any damn time I want.

- The toothpick Indian hut thing is odd. Is this for a school project or to somehow get the kid to eat peas? I don't have time to convince my kid to eat her veggies. She can either eat her dinner or go to bed hungry.

- The jewelry, shoes, eyebrows thing is odd too. My grooming and dressing habits are for me and I don't make my choices for other people. I feel sad for women who feel overly obligated to look a certain way.

- Fortunately I don't get bad PMS symptoms but I bitch about it anyway. If I do get uncomfortable, I make it a point to let my family know. I'm not above receiving sympathetic back and foot rubs.

- weekly school and church meetings? HAHAHA!!! Never going to happen.

- Reading to kids every night is definitely a must do. My personal morning philosophy is that if your kid is old enough to go to school, then he/she can put on their own clothes, brush their teeth, etc. I'm a big believer in delegating.

- A loving, age appropriate reply to "You're not the boss of me"??? Does "yes I am" count? :shrug:

Duct Tape