A question for DU women.

One of my co-workers (a women) asked me today if I thought it looked like she lost weight. I said,I cannot tell, but to be honest, you don't look like you need to lose any weight. She seemed upset with my comment. What did I do wronng?

"Oh, so I was fat before?"

or similar.



:hide:

If you tell her she's lost weight, she's going to be happy.

There is NO RIGHT ANSWER to that question.

I wish I could tell you what you did wrong.

I should have faked a seizure when she asked the question I guess!

:evilgrin:

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second be nice to my woman. I like to go out to dinner with her because I get lots of left overs.

She eats a lot of the more annoying bugs, so she's always handy to have around...



Talks a lot, though... always yappin'...

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once I had lost over 20 lbs, I was getting mad that none of my co-workers mentioned anything, so I started telling them and asking why no one said anything. They said they hadn't wanted to say anything cause it would feel like they were telling me I had been fat.

Trust me, you can't win in this situation.

I noticed no one noticed here, either.

why am I always ignored?

what did you do differently?

And most importantly, what was your motivation? And how do you feel now?

I feel great! It's fun to try on clothes now and they all look good!!!

The only answer to that question is...YES!

It doesn't matter if she looks like she is smuggling hippos in her dress, the answer is ALWAYS...YES, it does look like you've lost weight.

her only question is "I am not as big as that women" and gesturing toward a very large women wherever we are.

You've got to be kidding with this question.

she came into my office, asked me, and then left in a pissy mood.

Come on! Have you never met a woman, ever? Aren't you married?

and that is in 18 years of marriage.

:D

You never will figure us out.

Cheers!

I am thin.

However, what does it take away from you to say yes to that question?

*poker face* I cannot tell a lie.

I may be presumptuous to speak for all men, but here goes.

It makes men upset to see women upset. Especially those women we are close to. We know that women have many insecurities about their weight so we avoid the subject for fear of bringing on a bout of tears, recriminations, verbal attacks. So being asked the question itself is stressful because any answer could be wrong. If we answer yes, then we can be accused of thinking she was fat before but withholding our opinion. If we say no, then we are accused of not noticing something she well may have worked very hard at.

So the safe answer, always, is "you always look great". Then we can be accused of being evasive but I can live with that.

The problem comes when you do think a girlfriend/wife/whatever has gained weight and is less attractive for it. What would be the recommended plan be in that case?

10-20 pounds? I think maybe you just need to get over yourself. If you really love her, it won't matter.

50-100 pounds? Well, that's different. The appearance is changed and you're getting into dangerous health territory. I would encourage exercising together by planning bike trips, hiking, etc. Also only have healthy food around (if you live together) or only go out to eat at healthy places (if you don't). Be supportive and encouraging, not perjorative. You're right that most women have major issues with their weight - it's societal, and the least our primary loved one can do is be loving and supportive.

That might buy you some slack, because it implies you noticed a change, but doesn't assign a value to the change.

But that's a Gordian knot to be sure... there should be a way to take the 5th in social situations

hands flailing out, shouting WHO SAID THAT, Where are you!!!

then exclaim "Oh my GAWWWWD, you've lost so much weight you've just abut disappeared."

People getting upset cause they don't get the answers they want... shit pisses me right the fuck off. Don't ask if you don't want to know, %#&*@.

is to grab your bag of chips, clutch it to your chest and scream, "NOOOO! I don't care if you're starving! You're not eating my stuff!"

:D

no chips, nothing fattening.

....my best advice is that you should have faked a seizure. There was no good answer for her question per that woman.

As for me....weight and age don't bother me, but many women are very funny about those two subjects.

Cheers

You gave her one ("You don't look like you need to lose any weight"), but it wasn't the one she wanted, and it probably wasn't glaringly obvious enough for her, or perhaps she misinterpreted it.

I can't STAND foolish games like that, and I'm a woman. Sorry you had to deal with it. You were honest, and not even brutally so--hell, it sounds like there was nothing to even be brutally honest ABOUT--and she couldn't take it.

Also, why would coworkers go around asking things like that? Unless you're fairly close to her, it's a rather sticky and awkward question to ask someone. Sounds either like she's got something hot in her heart burning for you and wants your attention or she's very insecure and seeking validation wherever possible. Or--she could just be one of those people who always seem to ask all the awkward questions, the ones for whom you get an immediate pang of embarrassment.

On Edit: Gah-rammah.

she is in the process of going through a divorce and she comes up to my office often to get away from her own department.

I was hoping it wasn't just some random woman from down the hall. :D And the divorce-thing probably is causing insecurity in how she thinks about herself, especially if her soon-to-be-ex was a dick in some way or another to her.

I think she must have some sort of a thing for ya there, hon...



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Eh, buddy?

And THAT was simply a quirky little joke!
What DO I have in my files that would balance the equation out?... hmmm...
How 'bout this lil' number?:



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Yeah, insulting the criminal VP is JUST THE SAME as insulting women.

Totally balanced.

Good job!

...and even at the basic stereotypical views most men have towards us, is a very healthy attitude.
I'm sorry if you find my humor a bit extreme or bizarre, but that is in fact the very sort of stuff I tend to excel at...
And while it's not everyone's cup of tea, there are some who find my brand quite refreshing, or so I've been told...
Sincerely: All due respect and peace and happiness to you... no insult intended here, just giggles...


Elegant Pig-Mittens: A MUST For The Finest Fascist Fashionistas!

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So if the women get such a nasty pic to laugh at ourselves with, I'd expect you'd have something like that for the men to laugh at themselves with, that's all.

...there is no other way out of that predicament...

"You know,(slight assessing pause) now that you mention it, (nod head here) I was trying to figure out what was different (big smile)!"

Seriously, practice it in the mirror. This will work for just about anything: weight, hair plugs, new glasses, new clothes.

You got an insecure coworker who wants to be lied to.

Sometimes people want me to lie to them too. I find it kind of annoying that they want me to lie to them, but I do anyway just so they don't get pissed off.

I don't want people to lie to me, but I guess I'm in the minority there.

"Why, yes you do! I've been meaning to tell you how GREAT you look! Just terrific!"

That one works. Guaranteed. When a woman asks that question, she does not want an honest answer. She wants the answer quoted above. Trust me.

Edited to add: I'm a man who has answered this question INCORRECTLY enough times to know.

Bake