I need some medical advice, quick! - Democratic Underground

Orrex

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Thu Nov-08-07 10:48 AM
Original message

I need some medical advice, quick!

Let's hear it!

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MrCoffee

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Thu Nov-08-07 10:49 AM
Response to Original message

1. dammit, Orrex, i'm a doctor, not a miracle worker!

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Orrex

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Thu Nov-08-07 11:16 AM
Response to Reply #1

25. Darn it. And I was just about to ask you to give Helen Keller a message for me

Now what am I supposed to do?

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Richardo

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Thu Nov-08-07 10:50 AM
Response to Original message

2. Put aloe leaves in your shorts and that rash will clear up in no time!

:thumbsup:

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Orrex

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Thu Nov-08-07 11:07 AM
Response to Reply #2

14. Timely!

Whew!

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Richardo

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Thu Nov-08-07 11:08 AM
Response to Reply #14

16. You have no idea!

Edited on Thu Nov-08-07 11:09 AM by Richardo

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quip

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Thu Nov-08-07 10:51 AM
Response to Original message

3. Breathe. Blink.

Edited on Thu Nov-08-07 10:56 AM by temeah

Repeat as necessary

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Orrex

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Thu Nov-08-07 11:07 AM
Response to Reply #3

13. Something's wrong

I got halfway through that second part, and now I can't see.

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quip

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Thu Nov-08-07 11:27 AM
Response to Reply #13

33. Somebody probably just turned off the lights. You'll be fine.

:eyes:

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NightWatcher

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Thu Nov-08-07 10:53 AM
Response to Original message

4. baking soda or robutussin. if you've got an ill, one of these will cure ya

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Orrex

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Thu Nov-08-07 11:08 AM
Response to Reply #4

15. I used robot-tussin when my android had a cold

Fixed him up in a jiffy.

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Burma Jones

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Thu Nov-08-07 10:53 AM
Response to Original message

5. Try using an athletic suppporter

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Orrex

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Thu Nov-08-07 11:09 AM
Response to Reply #5

17. In God we Truss?

Thank you for your support.

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Midlodemocrat

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Thu Nov-08-07 10:54 AM
Response to Original message

6. I'm not a doctor, but I play one on tv.

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Orrex

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Thu Nov-08-07 11:11 AM
Response to Reply #6

20. Usually people play doctor in the privacy of their homes

But I'm delighted to hear that you're so open about it.

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MissMillie

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Thu Nov-08-07 10:56 AM
Response to Original message

7. feed a cold

feed a fever

feed everything dammit!

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Orrex

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Thu Nov-08-07 11:13 AM
Response to Reply #7

23. Feed breasts!

Or breast-feed. I can never remember which.

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Tyler Durden

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Thu Nov-08-07 10:56 AM
Response to Original message

8. "Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice:"

"Pull down your pants, and slide on the ice."
Sidney Freedman, MD

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Orrex

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Thu Nov-08-07 11:12 AM
Response to Reply #8

21. That actually works in most situations

I tried it while waiting in line for a movie, and it worked like a charm.

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quip

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Thu Nov-08-07 10:59 AM
Response to Original message

9. Windex. n/t

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Orrex

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Thu Nov-08-07 11:09 AM
Response to Reply #9

18. I was just about to take off my clothes and run around

But now I won't, thanks to the streak-preventing power of Windex.

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quip

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Thu Nov-08-07 11:29 AM
Response to Reply #18

35. It's a kind of a panacea; I saw it in a movie once.

Better take off your clothes and run around, though, just to be sure.

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madinmaryland

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Thu Nov-08-07 10:59 AM
Response to Original message

10. Here's some good advice to heed....

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the President his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, three Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.

Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"

:evilgrin:

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Orrex

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Thu Nov-08-07 11:16 AM
Response to Reply #10

24. Keeps getting funnier!

Robert Gates is giving the President his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, three Brazilians died in Iraq."

The President reflects on this sad news for several moments. "Brazilians," he says at last. "Are you sure?"

Gates assures him that the information is correct, and the President quickly picks up the phone and calls his stockbroker.

"Buy me as many shares of Amazon.com as you can get!"

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Breeze54

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Thu Nov-08-07 11:00 AM
Response to Original message

11. Don't eat yellow snow!

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Orrex

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Thu Nov-08-07 11:13 AM
Response to Reply #11

22. Another mistake that most people won't make twice

Good call!

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Wcross

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Thu Nov-08-07 11:01 AM
Response to Original message

12. No, it is not normal to hurt when you pee. n/t

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Orrex

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Thu Nov-08-07 11:10 AM
Response to Reply #12

19. I hurt all the time

Edited on Thu Nov-08-07 11:10 AM by Orrex

Such is the depth of my compassion for my suffering fellow humans.

I'm just cool like that, I guess.

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ohiosmith

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Thu Nov-08-07 11:17 AM
Response to Original message

26. You have a terminal brain cloud Orrex. You have some time left.

You have some life left. My advice to you is: live it well.

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Orrex

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Thu Nov-08-07 11:24 AM
Response to Reply #26

29. How can I do that with the WGA strike going on?

What kind of life can I have when there's no one to write next week's script for Lost and The Big Bang Theory?

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trof

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Thu Nov-08-07 11:18 AM
Response to Original message

27. Button up your overcoat, when the wind blows free.

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Orrex

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Thu Nov-08-07 11:25 AM
Response to Reply #27

30. Hey, I belong to no man, buddy.

I advise you to take good care of yourself, if you know what's good for you.

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Vanje

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Thu Nov-08-07 11:21 AM
Response to Original message

28. Soak it

in hot epsom salt solution.

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Orrex

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Thu Nov-08-07 11:26 AM
Response to Reply #28

31. Oh, I'm supposed to *soak* in that?

I thought that it tasted a little funny.

:puke:

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BlueIris

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Thu Nov-08-07 11:26 AM
Response to Original message

32. Just go to WebMD and do whatever the posters there tell you to do.

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Orrex

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Thu Nov-08-07 11:27 AM
Response to Reply #32

34. So far so good, but...

Where am I supposed to get a live sea cucumber and three pounds of hog entrails at this hour?

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BlueIris

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Thu Nov-08-07 11:35 AM
Response to Reply #34

38. Costco. Duh.

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Deep13

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Thu Nov-08-07 11:30 AM
Response to Original message

36. Take two of these and call me in the morning.

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Orrex

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Thu Nov-08-07 11:51 AM
Response to Reply #36

39. Good point--why should today be different from any other?

My buddy Glen knows how to livet up, that's for sure.

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zabet

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Thu Nov-08-07 11:34 AM
Response to Original message

37. As the world's only living

brain donor, I am drawing a complete blank. Sorry.

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Orrex

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Thu Nov-08-07 11:59 AM
Response to Reply #37

40. Then you can have your brain back

It's not doing me any good, that's for sure.

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Crabby Appleton

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Thu Nov-08-07 12:58 PM
Response to Original message

41. take two placebos

and call me in 80 years.

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Orrex

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Thu Nov-08-07 01:53 PM
Response to Reply #41

49. No way am I falling for that again

This time I'm taking three.

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swag

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Thu Nov-08-07 01:01 PM
Response to Original message

42. Keep a good head and always carry a light bulb.

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Orrex

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Thu Nov-08-07 01:53 PM
Response to Reply #42

48. Something about that post sound dirty

Can't quite figure out what it is, though.

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swag

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Thu Nov-08-07 10:40 PM
Response to Reply #48

53. Here ya go!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxGrGaVipQc

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lost-in-nj

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Thu Nov-08-07 01:07 PM
Response to Original message

43. Turn your head

and cough...

lost

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Orrex

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Thu Nov-08-07 01:52 PM
Response to Reply #43

47. That might upset the guy who sits next to me

But if you think it'll help, I'll give it a try.

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bmbmd

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Thu Nov-08-07 01:45 PM
Response to Original message

44. Always remember, Men-

stick it on before you stick it in.

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Ellen Forradalom

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Thu Nov-08-07 01:46 PM
Response to Original message

45. I prescribe a nice, bracing Fresca douche

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Orrex

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Thu Nov-08-07 01:52 PM
Response to Reply #45

46. The epitome of fizzy refreshment

Makes me tingle just thinking about it.

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soleft

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Thu Nov-08-07 02:41 PM
Response to Original message

50. Plastics, Orrex, Plastics

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Dr. Strange

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Thu Nov-08-07 04:35 PM
Response to Original message

51. Stop doing it or you'll go blind.

Words to live by.

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Orrex

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Thu Nov-08-07 11:09 PM
Response to Reply #51

59. If you use the same hand all the time, you only go blind in that eye

I'll leave it to the reader to evaluate the equity of that particular trade-off.

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(1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore

Thu Nov-08-07 05:15 PM
Response to Original message

52. Okay....

Go get your head examined.......:P
(and take two willow bark capsules and call me in the morning.....);-)

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Orrex

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Thu Nov-08-07 11:11 PM
Response to Reply #52

60. They x-rayed my head and found nothing

And if by "two willow bark capsules" you mean "six Oreos," I'm way ahead of you.

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quip

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Fri Nov-09-07 12:21 AM
Response to Reply #60

69. Nope. Too easy. eom

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Orrex

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Fri Nov-09-07 12:30 AM
Response to Reply #69

70. Sigh. Always a critic. How about:

Go get your head examined........

Okay--can you recommend a good proctologist?

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quip

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Fri Nov-09-07 12:38 AM
Response to Reply #70

71. rim shot

;-)

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Indi Guy

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Fri Nov-09-07 02:18 AM
Response to Reply #70

73. Larry Craig?

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Fri Nov-09-07 05:42 AM
Response to Reply #60

79. Well that explains that....

Posting is a lot easier without all that silly grey matter getting in the way isn't it.....:rofl:
BTW--"going to the proctologist"....very good.....

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lightningandsnow

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Thu Nov-08-07 10:50 PM
Response to Original message

54. Don't wear tampons for more than 8 hours a day,

or else you'll get toxic shock syndrome.

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Orrex

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Thu Nov-08-07 11:06 PM
Response to Reply #54

56. I'll thank you not to tell me what I can or can't put in my nostrils

FACT: Following chronic nosebleeds in June of 2003, I wore a de facto tampon in my face four solid days, and that darned staphylococcus aureus phage group one never set foot in my schnoz, not once.

Do I know how to have a good time, or what?!?

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NC_Nurse

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Thu Nov-08-07 11:00 PM
Response to Original message

55. Stay away from hospitals if at all possible.

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Orrex

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Thu Nov-08-07 11:07 PM
Response to Reply #55

57. How am I supposed to replenish my supply of scrubs?

And where do I go to stock up on lime Jell-o and tapioca pudding?

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cloudbase

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Thu Nov-08-07 11:08 PM
Response to Original message

58. Pills should always

be taken with alcohol.

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Orrex

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Thu Nov-08-07 11:14 PM
Response to Reply #58

63. Usually I just load up on AquaDots

And then I go out and fire up my bulldozer.

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Inchworm

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Thu Nov-08-07 11:12 PM
Response to Original message

61. Drink yer juice!

that is all :)

:hi:

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Orrex

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Thu Nov-08-07 11:23 PM
Response to Reply #61

66. Is "juice" a euphemism?

If not, you've totally lost me.

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MonkeyFunk

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Thu Nov-08-07 11:13 PM
Response to Original message

62. If your erection last more than four hours

call your doctor. Then call me.

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Orrex

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Thu Nov-08-07 11:20 PM
Response to Reply #62

64. Would it help if I just called you doctor?

And if it lasted more than four hours, do you think I'd be wasting my time posting to the Lounge?

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Richard Steele

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Thu Nov-08-07 11:21 PM
Response to Original message

65. Urinate on it to neutralize the toxins. nm

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Orrex

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Thu Nov-08-07 11:25 PM
Response to Reply #65

67. You always give that same advice, no matter what the question is.

No way am I falling for it again.

Well, okay, but this is the last time.

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Richard Steele

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Fri Nov-09-07 03:57 AM
Response to Reply #67

77. Be fair- you asked me a hundred goddamn questions about the menu at that Olive Garden!

I don't like to be pestered when I'm gawking at
ladies breastfeeding!

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cuke

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Fri Nov-09-07 12:15 AM
Response to Original message

68. Never eat anything larger than you head

TMOT

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GoddessOfGuinness

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Fri Nov-09-07 01:55 AM
Response to Original message

72. Change your underwear

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MnFats

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Fri Nov-09-07 02:28 AM
Response to Original message

74. if you keep doing that, you'll go blind.

To which the kid replies,"Gee, couldn't I just do it until I need glasses?

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Richard Steele

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Fri Nov-09-07 03:58 AM
Response to Reply #74

78. Ya gotta PACE yourself.

I'm 38, and extremely nearsighted. :evilgrin:

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Prisoner_Number_Six

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Fri Nov-09-07 02:34 AM
Response to Original message

75. Whatever you do, DON'T.

Just don't. LEAVE IT ALONE.

And don't even THINK of using a needle on it. You'll regret it in the morning.

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krispos42

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Fri Nov-09-07 02:43 AM
Response to Original message

76. Oh, it's not the Brazillion joke!

I'm disappointed!

Ummm... apply moist heat to the affected area for an hour, three times a day, then wrap in gauze soaked in EVOO and cover with Saran wrap and an Ace bandage. And next time wash the "Bunker Buster" with some anti-bacterial soap before you put it away.

:P

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MonkeyFunk

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Fri Nov-09-07 05:53 AM
Response to Original message

80. If it's oozing

don't fuck it unless you really have to. And if you really have to, wrap in aluminum foil.

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astral

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Sat Nov-10-07 01:49 PM
Response to Original message

81. Put the Lime in the Coconut and Call me in the Morning

. . . . if you call me in the morning I'll tell you what to do

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Richardo

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Sat Nov-10-07 01:51 PM
Response to Reply #81

82. .

:applause:

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