I can't keep my dog. :-(

I just can't.

My husband-from-whom-I-am-separated and I co-own a beautiful, loving dog. We adore him and he us. The dog stays with me during the week and goes to his dog daddy's most of the weekend.

Corbu is a pointer breed, a classic high-energy 'Velcro dog.' We've done obedience training. We accommodate him as much as we can. We've taken him to the beach, to the mountains for long hikes, to dog-family camping trips. I take him running with me. I've taken him to work with me. But it's not enough.

He has such separation anxiety that I must crate him to prevent destruction. I run home every day from work to let him out and walk him and comfort him. He still gets out and causes problems. In the previous apartment he destroyed $2500 worth of furniture because my idiotfuck husband wouldn't crate or restrain him (this after I moved out). In this apartment, I've gotten a nastygram from the homeowners association over the constant barking. I put a bark collar on him, we've called Barkbusters and train him, and he's still barking all day.

I've been dealing with pissing, shitting, barking, and destruction for four years. His co-owner refuses to admit to what extent it is a problem for me. Since I'm just a wife, my time and sanity is an expendable commodity and my needs come last. I can't take it any more. And it breaks my heart becuase when there isn't a problem, I love the dog so much.

I am going to tell him to take the dog and deal with him (and brace myself for an outburst of whining), or return him to the breeder to be placed in a better home, where there's room and someone is home all day.

Shit.

Yes, I've heard all the lectures about "being responsible"--from my husband. I am far from a party girl; I am home every night, and take the dog everywhere I can. Flame away if you must.

I assume you got the dog when you and your husband were together; now your situation has changed in a manner you could not have predicted at the time. Only an asshole would flame you for having trouble coping. I hope the animal can be found a new home with people who are able to attend to its needs.

I don't usually post personal situations to DU because I've seen how people can pile on.

Before handing the dog over to your soon-to-be-ex, ask him if he would object to you taking him back to the breeder. You know he is incapable of providing the dog the home he needs, so why subject the dog to your stbx?

Some dogs need more stimulation than a working person can give. It would've been better for the dog if you'd realized this in the first place, but I would never fault you for getting the dog. Your dog deserves a home where someone can be there with him.

And to be fair my ex has long experience with pointer breeds. He owned a Weimaraner from age 6 weeks to her passing at 15 years. However, Corbu is far more energetic than the Weim.

If they do, you let me know...

and I'll call up Skittles!! ;-) :hi:

In all seriousness, I am so sorry you have to go through this. It sounds like so much stress, already, in your life... and now this. I wish I had more comforting words for you. Hugs... :hug: :hug: :hug:

can bring out the Dr Lauras in our midst, too. Don't think I haven't taken my cue from that. I just hate being alone with this problem, though, so I am taking the risk of posting.

:hi:

:hug:

sounds like you really tried.

But, as you can see, I had a gap in my posting (yeah, me, believe it or not) for awhile. I don't think I posted anything from the end of Jan. until this post:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=105&topic_id=6203712

We all know how successful I was with that. :-(

I needed to hear that right now. :hug:

and I am very sorry about the situation.

Hold your head up - you are doing what is best for your dog, and you. :hug:

and had to find another home for her

i miss her but i just couldnt deal with it any more.

so i understand and am sorry.

I am in the same.

My STBE talked me into getting the kids a puppy and now a year later I have an 80lb black lab on my hands that she wants nothing to do with.

So I have this mass of energy at my house full time. and if I return him whence he came, the kids will freak on me.

So I am stuck with Max for about 15 more years...

:hug:

RL

and be a fabulous companion.

These breeds stay puppies most of their lives.

Dear God...I understand there are insensitive people in the world and some who may not feel for what you're going through right now. I'm not one of them, and neither are MOST...repeat, MOST...of the people on DU.

:grouphug:

I guess I was saying that pre-emptively, a kind of "Yeah yeah, I am NOT changing the dog to match the decor, dammit!"

There's no situation so bad that someone on the Internets can't make it worse. :shrug:

Raising a dog is like raising a kid, only harder because they'll never be able to tell you what's wrong. It sounds like you have no other options here.

In fact, I'd carry it further and hope that you have sole say-so and have the dog placed. It sounds like your ex won't be good for the dog on a long term basis.

Plus, since I'm butting in without it's being my business, what's the prolongation of the "separation" thing? Get you and dog out of your lives.

I can't get myself out of my life. :P

I meant, get the ex- out of your and your dog's lives.

I hope for the best for you and the furball.

I hope your husband can take the dog and handle these problems. I hope he doesn't have to find a new family. :(

:hug:

I wonder if you couldn't find someone better than the ex, as he doesn't seem to deserve you or the dog. However, who could flame you this situation?

You're trying to do what is in the best interest of an innocent soul who is entirely dependant on you for his or her well-being. As long as you do whatever you can to see that he finds a good home you're tops in my book.

I'm so sorry. I know it would just kill me to part with my dog too. ;(

for the pet's well being. There are many of other ways I've seen situations like this go, and often the critter isn't even considered. You are kind enough not to be selfish and also not to look at the dog like a possesion easily discarded.

I'm sure it wont be easy, but from what I read here you will make a decision that is in the dog's best interest. I commend you for that.

:hug::yourock::hug:

From yoyossarian's site. Sorry for the hot-link (a dog joke! Haha!)

Ellen, I'm sorry to hear that you're not getting the support that you should be getting. I hope that you can find some reasonable outcome.

Have you watched any episodes of the Dog Whisperer? Seriously. Very seriously. His technique would teach you a lot and you could learn it in two days by watching video.

This is what Cesar would say. He would say that you are attributing human feelings to a dog. A dog does not have human feelings, and dogs really don't care about being the object of your feelings. A dog is a pack animal that wishes the humans to be the pack leaders and exhibit calm, assertive control. The good thing is that your dog is not what they call a "red zone" dog -- he is not biting people or other animals. He is just a dog being forced to live in an environment that does not meet his needs: a lot of exercise in his human/canine pack, calm and assertive discipline, and the company of the pack. He just doesn't know what to do.

And frankly, it almost sounds as if you and your husband are using the dog to act our your hostility to each other -- your husband's behavior sounds so typically passive aggressive. People do that with their children, too, of course, and it's always unfortunate.

I think you'll have to choose between your feelings for the dog and the dog's feelings and needs. But please, please try watching Cesar Milan and see if you find some insights there.

And that's exactly the problem. I can't give him the company and exercise he needs.

You certainly have the ex pegged as a master of passive aggression.

Having been through both divorce and loving difficult dogs.

My advice would be to take a few giant steps back and try to get a larger perspective on your situation. The holidays can be a good time for that; I need it as well and am using this next month to just quiet down and try to cope with reality.

The second decision to make, after you allow yourself time to slow down, relax and forgive yourself, is to determine how much energy you can devote to the rehabilitation of your dog.

You can definitely do it if you want to, but do you have the time and intention?