My roommate has dropped out of grad school and moved home.

She broke up with her boyfriend, and aparently that's reason to give up school. :(

It's not a hostile break-up, and nothing bad has happened. She's okay.

But now I have to find a new roommate. :shrug:

when is she leaving?

but she just informed me tonight that she's moving out over the next 1-2 weeks.

I love the advanced notice. :(

:hug:

:(

I guess I can't imagine how a break-up could be so traumatic that she'd need to drop everything that suddenly and be that disruptive.

If it had been an abusive relationship I could absolutely understand running away. Hell, in that situation I would encourage it. But she's having her now-exboyfriend pack up her stuff and drive the truck to move it all back to Pennsylvania. Clearly they're still on really good terms.
:shrug:

:(

I'm going to post something on Craigslist first and see if I can weed out the scammers. Maybe I'll get some serious responses.

Last spring when I advertised for a roommate for the first time I got 50+ responses, and about 6 of them were serious. But that wasn't right before christmas.

It's just so inconsiderate on your rooommate's part to leave you in the lurch like that.

I hope I can find a good housemate quickly too. That would be one less thing to worry about. :)

I started my grad school program in the second semester, and finding a decent apartment was pure hell. I ended up with a pair of psychos, but the apartment was clean. :shrug:

Can you list your place with local college housing offices? I went to Boston College, and they had a notebook of available apartments for grad students to peruse, since they didn't have on-campus housing for grad students.

Best of luck, ThomCat. I know you've been going through some rough times lately. Here's a hug :hug:--things WILL get better soon! :hi:

There are a lot of universities here in NYC. NYU students are the ones most likely to be interested in my area. So I'll definitely put a notice at the NYU housing office. :)

Edit: Pace would be a good bet too, now that I think about it.

:eyes:

Her boyfriend says she's going to apply for the same program at PennState for next year and expects to get in without any problem. :shrug:

I don't know. I'm clearly had no idea what was going on. I didn't have a clue they were going to break up or that she was going to run away over it. :(

My sibling almost did the same thing (dropping out of med school) when she broke up with her boyfriend (who was in the same med school). I really sincerely do not understand why people form relationships in the same school! She eventually became a dr! She did see the ex a couple of times after she "broke up" with him and that did confuse me!

The idea of de-railing your own career over a break-up just mystifies me.

That was from the same school. There were plenty of cute guys out there and I was willing to do a long-distance relationship in order to see if it would work long term (I really do value communication!). I knew that if I dated someone from the same school, we wouldn't be giving each other space (which is why my sis and my friends frequently broke up with their b/fs, they spent so much time with them!).

I was in a REALLY long distance relationship (he in the UK me in the US) until I moved to the UK to be with him! It's going very well and we're now in the stages of planning our wedding! I think communication, trust, and even giving the person space every so often is a very good value in a relationship.

Communication: I did try LD once before I met my current beau, it was a guy from NYC (me in MN) and we went out on only one date (he was my prom date) and I noticed that I was the one IM-ing him first and he wasn't doing that and so I decided not to IM him and he signed on and off without chatting with me and that's how we "broke up". It was painless, so no worries. I did the same with my current, he IMed me first and that made me very happy!

Trust: My sister once thought my LD with my fiance was boring and I asked her why. "You're not together! You chat all the time!" I said, "So? It makes me look forward to the times we're actually together!" My fiance would tell me what has happened in his day, once when he worked at at Mickey D's (he's now got a much more respectable job), there was a girl there that would hit on him ALL the freaking time. He told her that he had a girlfriend and she said, "Oh she lives in the US, right? How do you know that she's not cheating on you? I'm sure she's cheating on you!" He told her that he knows me and I wouldn't cheat on him and I knew he wouldn't do the same to me as well. That really strengthened our relationship.

Space: This is the most obvious thing in a LD but what I noticed about my friends who date/dated someone from the same school/university. They wouldn't leave their boyfriends alone! Yes, at times I would wish my current was with me so we could go out on dates like our friends do but there does come a time where there needs to be "girl time" (I went out with my friends, and still do that here now that I'm living with my current, and he has his "guy time" when he goes to the pub with his friend). One time, I told my sister that I would like to go shopping with her one weekend and she said, "If (her boyfriend) can come with us!"

However, the most egregious abuse of the "space" rule occurred when my friend (L) was thinking of doing an 18th b-day party and was talking to her friend (S) about it. The conversation went like this:

L: I'm thinking of doing a party on Halloween (as her birthday occurred in October).
S: Oh that's good, I'll come if you invite my boyfriend.

WTF. I swear that people don't understand the concept of giving their SO some space. I'm now living in the UK, but when I lived with my sister... I swear that her (still) boyfriend made loads of excuses so he could have his space. My sister would ask him over to our house EVERY SINGLE night and occasionally he would say, "I'm working at home tonight." as a response. I used to study psych and I read that as a "give me my space" thing, but STILL my sister would say, "Ok, Zenzi and I are coming over!" And he would be working on class notes and, poor guy, my sister would bother him a couple of times. He worked at night at a lab on the university campus and my sister and I (after going out for dinner) would visit him every single time (I once said, "Why don't we leave him to work tonight?" My sister said, "He'll be lonely and he'll appreciate the company.")

To this day, I don't know how that relationship lasted 4 years (the guy my sister broke up with, they were together 6 years, and THAT baffled me). And I swear that my sister never learned from her last relationship and she's nearly 30!


I'm sure there's many successful relationships that were formed while they attended the same school/university. I'm sure they did the above (communication, trust, and giving each other space.

do you need a roommate? Or could you be OK if you were just able to pay someone for help/cleaning etc.? Didn't she get to stay rent-free if she helped you around the house?

I'm sorry. It seems when it rains, it pours. I hope you can get this squared away fast. I agree with the other posted who mentioned listing ads at some grad school offices -- one of my years I spent a semester away and came back in January, desperate to find a good place, and I ended up in a perfect situation by looking through campus listings.

But then again, you might want to find someone who isn't going to bug outta there in a few months when summer rolls around.

:hug:

There are too many little things around the house I can't do. Someone really should be here who can do that little stuff, even if I have someone coming in to do the cleaning periodically.

:shrug:

not because of a break-up...

And I hope you were able to get a stable living arrangement. :(

and we all had seperate leases. So him leaving didn't affect me monetarily.

I lost contact with him though, so I don't know how he fared.

Dropping out because of a breakup is dumb. Academia is better off without such wimps who are unable to cope.

but I hope she recovers from this and builds whatever career she's suited for. :shrug:

That is terrible. My condolences. Continued best of luck with your everything.

I hope it works out better this next time. :)

I hope you find another roomate quickly.

:hug:

:)

I'll definitely approach it differently this time, and hopefully it will go better.

When it rains, it pours.

Good luck with the new roomie search.

:(

How are you this morning? You were in so much pain last night and it came through loud and clear. You voice was hardly a whisper. :hug:

I'm hobbling, because my right foot can't take any pressure today, but overall I'm doing pretty well. I'm treating the new pain as basically a new annoyance I just have to deal with an otherwise ignore. :)

I managed this trip rather well, and I'm definitely going to travel next month. :hug:

:hug:

I'll do everything possible to make you comfortable on this trip. :)

even if only a little bit.

Your brother is cool. We run in entirely different circles, but we'd probably get along pretty well. I can't see him being around to do the stuff I need help with though.

My aunt and uncle want me to move in with them out in New Jersey. I'm not ready to do that yet.