Yee-Haw! My Vote Cancels Out Y'all's!

Well, damn, man, it's pretty soon gonna be president election time again, and that means we gotta start thinkin' about who's gonna be the one we want to be president. That's some important stuff, who's president, because whoever's president will be in charge of the whole dang shootin' match. And, if y'all are like me, you know America's president needs to be the kind of old boy who, in the first place, kicks him some damn ass, and in the second place, don't listen to all that bitchin' about how he shouldn't be kickin' so much ass. And, if you ain't like me, guess what? My vote cancels out y'all's!
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Or say you wanna take away the money we need for our Army tanks and rifles and fightin' planes what let us keep our eternal vigilance of freedom by invadin' other countries. And say you want to give it to the damn schoolteachers, which let me tell you never done old Duane any damn good, and still, they most times drive a newer car than I do. I learned all I got from my daddy—another guy without any fancy book smarts, by the way. If he didn't need them books, then why do anybody else? Well, hey, I might not be educated, but I do got me a big ol' flag, $300 from the government, and a president that, like I told you before, kicked him some ass. It's things like that what make me happy my vote gonna meet y'all's toe-to-toe and take it down!

Plus, what's more, I got to see Saddam get his ass throwed in jail. That's a big ol' switch-a-dilly from a few years ago, when Saddam was runnin' around free while Duane was in the tank, let me tell you.

So maybe you think what we got here is one a them Mexican pissin' matches, what with my vote and your vote both bein' worth the exact same. But I tell you what! There's all the guys workin' down here at the budget-transmission shop with me, and the guys at the body shop across the way, and the car-battery dismantlin' yard. Plus, there's all our pals at the Dew Drop off 78, and all our other pals at the County Dragaway, and our big ol' families, and our wives, for those what have 'em. Read me? In this next election, whenever they set it to come around, we gonna go up agin' all you guys at the coffee shop and the library. Now, if you ain't noticed, we got a lot more parkin' lot space down at the racetrack and the Farm & Fleet store than y'all do out in front of your bookstores and muffin shops. All of us add up real quick, and our votes do a damn bunch more than just cancel out all y'all's!
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repeat
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33878

note: this would be funnier if there weren't so much damn truth to it.