Post your favorite Seinfeld moments.

Here are a couple of mine:


Jerry: You have no idea what an idiot is. Elaine just gave me a way out and I didn't take it.
George: I just gave up free tickets to every sporting event at Madison Square Garden and a lifetime of guilt-free sex. Spare me, my friend, because I am Costanza, lord of the idiots.
Woman in background: You're all winners!
George: Suddenly... a new contender has emerged.

Jerry: Sofie, it's me! I know about the tractor story!
Sofie: Then you know I got gonorrhea from a tractor?
Jerry: You got gonorrhea from riding a tractor? And you call that the tractor story?
Sofie: Yeah, well at least you guys have each other. I got it because I was riding the tractor in my bathing suit.
Jerry: All right! That's it for me! You've been great! Goodnight everybody!

Mr. Lippman: It's come to my attention that you and the cleaning woman have engaged in sexual intercourse on the desk in your office. Is that correct?
George Costanza: Who said that?
Mr. Lippman: She did.
George Costanza: Was that wrong? Should I not have done that? I tell you, I gotta plead ignorence on this thing, because if anyone had said anything to me at all when I first started here that that sort of thing is frowned upon... you know, cause I've worked in a lot of offices, and I tell you, people do that all the time.
Mr. Lippman: You're fired!
George Costanza: Well, you didn't have to say it like that.

Cushman: I gotta tell you, you are the complete opposite of every applicant we've seen. Mr. Steinbrenner, sir. There's someone here I'd like you to meet. This is Mr. Costanza. He is one of the applicants.
George Steinbrenner: Nice to meet you.
George Costanza: Well, I wish I could say the same, but I must say, with all due respect, I find it very hard to see the logic behind some of the moves you have made with this fine organization. In the past twenty years, you have caused myself, and the city of New York, a good deal of distress as we have watched you take our beloved Yankees and reduced them to a laughing stock, all for the glorification of your massive ego.
George Steinbrenner: Hire this man!

Cosmo Kramer: You're wasting your life.
George Costanza: I am not. What you call wasting, I call living. I'm living my life.
Cosmo Kramer: OK, like what? No, tell me. Do you have a job?
George Costanza: No.
Cosmo Kramer: You got money?
George Costanza: No.
Cosmo Kramer: Do you have a woman?
George Costanza: No.
Cosmo Kramer: Do you have any prospects?
George Costanza: No.
Cosmo Kramer: You got anything on the horizon?
George Costanza: Uh, no.
Cosmo Kramer: Do you have any action at all?
George Costanza: No.
Cosmo Kramer: Do you have any conceivable reason for even getting up in the morning?
George Costanza: I like to get the Daily News.

Come back, one year!

:rofl::rofl:

THE WORST SHOW ON TV

how many times can you see that JackA** Kramer falling down?

:grr: :grr:

I got all 8 of the damn DVD sets, you know.

By the way, nothing scares people more than taking a look at my DVD and music collection :).

:evilgrin:

Out of all nine seasons, the undisputed high point. The episode that transcends every bit of the hype. Pure, unadulterated genius...and a bit of unfortunate undercutting for anyone who feels that the departed Larry David was the sole mojo of the show.

:rofl:

:rofl:

:rofl:

:rofl:

"I have a lot of problems with you people!"

:rofl:

"Yeah, I think you probably should."

:rofl:

"Let me tell you something, funny boy... You know that little stamp? The one that says New York Public Library? Well, that may not mean anything to you, but that means a lot to me. One whole helluva lot. Sure, go ahead, laugh if you want to. I've seen your type before -- flashy, making the scene, flaunting convention. Yeah, I know what you're thinking... Why's this guy making such a big stink about old library books? Let me give you a hint, junior. Maybe we can live without libraries, people like you and me.... Maybe. Sure, we're too old to change the world. What about that kid, sitting down, opening a book right now in a branch of the local library and finding pictures of pee-pees and wee-wees in The Cat in the Hat and The Five Chinese Brothers. Doesn't he deserve better? Look, if you think this is about overdue fines and missing books, you'd better think again. This is about that kid's right to read a book without getting his mind warped. Or maybe that turns you on, Seinfeld... Maybe that's how you get your kicks... You and your goodtime buddies... I've got a flash for you, joy boy. Partytime is over."
- Lt. Bookman, in "The Library"

But I never got why they gave it to flat-chested Teri Hatcher? :shrug:

I don't care much for Hollywood celebs, but Teri Hatcher is nice on my eyes.

that show sucked


lost

The end of the Frogger episode, when Kramer was trying to cross the street with the machine.

And the entire Festivus episode.

"First you cry, and then when you see the woman dancing, you cry again."

:rofl:

George: "Listen to this. Marcy comes over and she tells me that her ex-boyfriend was over late last night and 'yada yada yada I'm really tired today.' You don't think she'd yada yada sex?"
Elaine: "I've yada yada'd sex."
Jerry: "Really?"
Elaine: "Yeah. I met this lawyer, we went out to dinner, I had the lobster bisque, we went back to my place, yada yada yada, I never heard from him again."
Jerry: "But you yada yada'd over the best part."
Elaine: "No, I mentioned the bisque."

And the two best soliloquies:

ELAINE: So then, listen, listen. So then, I showered and I dressed, and I saw him again, on the way out. (Giddy and nearly out of breath) So we're walkin' and talkin', and he asked me my name - and I think I said Elaine - but, I mean, who the hell knows.. And so then, he says to me: "Do you wanna split a cab uptown?" And I said, "Sure" - even though I was going downtown. So, we get in the cab, and I mean, I have no idea where I'm goin', right? But this is John F. Kennedy Junior we're talkin' about! (Deep breath) So, then, he says to me, "Where do you live?" And I - and I - and I was close to your block, so I said your building. So he dropped me off in front, (Laughs) and I had to take a cab all the way back downtown to my house.. (Picks up a glass of cold water and presses it up to her forehead to cool her off) Oh, God..

George: So I started to walk into the water. I won't lie to you boys, I was terrified! But I pressed on and as I made my way passed the breakers a strange calm came over me. I don't know if it was divine intervention or the kinship of all living things but I tell you Jerry at that moment I was a marine biologist!
(Elaine enters and sits down)
Elaine: George I was just reading this thing in the papers, it's amazing!
George: I know I was just telling them the story.
Kramer: Come on George, finish the story.
George: The sea was angry that day my friends, like an old man trying to return soup at a deli!
(Jerry gives Kramer a "what the h-" glance)
George: I got about fifty-feet out and then suddenly the great beast appeared before me. I tell ya he was ten stories high if he was a foot. As if sensing my presence he gave out a big bellow. I said, "Easy big fella!" And then as I watched him struggling I realized something was obstructing his breathing. From where I was standing I could see directly into the eye of the great fish!
Jerry: Mammal.
George: Whatever.
Kramer: Well, what did you do next?
George: Then from out of nowhere a huge title wave lifted, tossed like a quark and I found myself on top of him face to face with the blow-hole. I could barely see from all of the waves crashing down on
top of me but I knew something was there so I reached my hand and pulled out the obstruction!
(George pulls out of the inside pocket a golf ball)
(Jerry and George just stare at Kramer)
Kramer: What is that a Titleist? A hole in one eh.
Jerry: Well the crowd most have gone wild!
George: Oh yes they did Jerry they were all over me. It was like Rocky 1. Diane came up to me, threw her arms around me, and kissed me. We both had tears streaming down our faces. I never saw anyone so
beautiful. It was at that moment I decided to tell her I was not a marine biologist!
Jerry: Wow! What'd she say?
George: She told me to "Go to hell!" and I took the bus home.

(Ok the last one's not a true soliloquy but it's even more impressive since he kept getting interrupted)

woman's voice on the phone.
"Who is Jason Alexander?" I replied.
"He's on Seinfeld." said the woman rather testily.
"What is Seinfeld?" I said.
"Are you serious?" said the woman.
" Yes. What is Seinfeld? Is it a talk show or something?" I asked.

This little exchange happened with me when I worked for a small, liberal, long distance company. I ended up talking to Mr. Alexander who seemed amused that I had annoyed his assistant. He was pretty pleasant to deal with and his technical problem was fairly easy to resolve. I watched the show when I remember it was on but I never thought it was all that amusing.

It was so true to life :rofl:

(This one I saw tonight, BTW) George asking for the death certificate at a funeral so he could save money on airplane tickets. At the end, he tries to use a photo of himself at the coffin to procure the discount.

The "Elaine Mannequin"

Lt. Bookman, the Library Cop (and the sadistic gym teacher, Mr. Heyman)

The trip to Hollywood (not the funniest episode, but a good story, though)

Kramer as Miss Rhode Island's chaperone (and George convincing the Yankees to switch to cotton uniforms)

:rofl:

I'm watching the one right now where he is cheating on an IQ test.

Kramer ties the police tape to a tree and runs into traffic. He runs out of tape before he can get halfway.

KRAMER: Ahh! I'm out! No tape left!

JERRY: Well, come on George, I'll help you push it across.

GEORGE: Wait a minute. This looks familiar. This reminds me of something. I can do this.

JERRY: By yourself?

GEORGE: Jerry, I've been preparing for this moment my entire life.

George pushes the machine onto the street. From a view in the sky, we see him dodging cars, hopping back and forth into lanes of traffic. Frogger music and sound effects play.

SHLOMO: He looks like a Frog.

SLIPPERY PETE: So do you.

George makes it across just as a huge truck comes barreling down the street. George tries to get the Frogger onto the sidewalk, but can't. He futilely sticks his hand out trying to stop the truck which honks. George jumps out of the truck's way and onto the sidewalk as the Frogger is smashed.

JERRY: Game over.

lol

and threatening to punch the guy who went "Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna!"

Setting: A photographer's studio

(George is holding out his hands while a man and woman marvel at them. A photographer is fooling around with a camera towards the right wall)

MAN: I've never seen hands like these before..

WOMAN: They're so soft and milky white.

PHOTOGRAPHER: You know who's hands they remind me of? (Pauses for effect) Ray McKigney.

(The woman nods as the man looks off into space)

MAN: Ugh.. Ray.

PHOTOGRAPHER: He was it.

GEORGE: Who was he?

PHOTOGRAPHER: The most exquisite hands you've ever seen.. Oh, he had it all.

GEORGE: (Hands still out, even though they've stopped looking at them) What happened to him?

(Obviously a touchy subject, the woman coyly walks over to the photographer, and they both occupy themselves. The man is left to tell George the answer to his question)

MAN: (Clears throat) Tragic story, I'm afraid. He could've had any woman in the world.. but none could match the beauty of his own hand.. and that became his one true love..

(Long pause)

GEORGE: You mean, uh..?

MAN: Yes. he was not.. master of his domain.

GEORGE: (Makes a gesture saying he understands. The man nods) But how.. uh..?

MAN: (Quick, to the point) The muscles.. became so strained with.. overuse, that eventually the hand locked into a deformed position, and he was left with nothing but a claw. (Holds hand up, displaying a claw-like shape) He traveled the world seeking a cure.. acupuncturists.. herbalists.. swamis.. nothing helped. Towards the end, his hands became so frozen the was unable to manipulate utensils, (Visibly disgusted by this last part) and was dependent on Cub Scouts to feed him. I hadn't seen another pair of hands like Ray McKigney's.. until today. You are his successor. (George looks down at his hands) I.. only hope you have a little more self-control.

GEORGE: (Smiling to himself) You don't have to worry about me. (Nodding, gloating) I won a contest!

like an old man trying to send back soup in a restaurant"

Jerry talking about the state-of-the-art lock system on his apartment door to Kramer after Kramer left the door open and somebody stole Jerry's stereo. Cracks me up every time.

:)

You took this book out in 1971. Yeah, '71. That was my first year on the job; bad year for libraries; bad year for America, hippies burning library cards, Abby Hoffman telling everybody to steal books. I don't judge a man by the length of his hair or the kind of music he listens to. Rock was never my bag. But you put on a pair of shoes when you walk into the New York Public Library, fella!

Let me tell you something funny-boy. You know that little stamp, the one that says ‘New York Public Library’? Well that may not mean anything to you, but that means a lot to me. One whole hell of a lot!

Sure, go ahead, laugh if you want to. I've seen your type before; flashy, making the scene, flaunting convention. Yeah, I know what you're thinking. Why's this guy making such a big stink about old library books? Well, let me give you a hint, junior. Maybe we can live without libraries, people like you and me; maybe.

Sure, we're too old to change the world, but what about that kid sitting down opening a book right now, in a branch at the local library and finding drawings of pee-pees and wee-wees on the Cat in the Hat and the Five Chinese Brothers? Doesn't HE deserve better?

Look. If you think this is about overdue fines and missing books, you'd better think again. This is about that kid's right to read a book without getting his mind warped! Or ... maybe that turns you on Seinfeld; maybe that's how you get your kicks; you and your good-time buddies.

Well I got a flash for yah joy-boy; party-time-is-over. You got seven days Seinfeld. That is one week!

You'd better not screw up again Seinfeld, because if you do I'll be all over you like a pit-bull on a poodle!

"You're killing Independent George"

says:
"Yeah, let me tell you something: this is all in her mind, OK? She is
insane. She thinks I made her sick because I coughed on her doorknob, rubbed
her stapler in my armpit, and put her keyboard on my butt.

Yeah, she's a wacko!"

Hilarious......

What Frank asked Steinbrenner when Steinbrenner went to the Costanzas' house to tell them George was dead.

"Maybe the dingo ate your baby" -- Elaine to the woman who couldn't find her fiance, poor baby.

If that makes me uncool, so be it.

Bake

Yep. Gay. Totally gay. Steeped in gayness.

To this day, whenever we see somebody who is really swishy, we say he's "steeped in it."

:rofl: