My 8-yr-old got suspended from school for the day. I can't believe it.

He punched a classmate, a little girl, in the face with no apparent provocation. She's bothered him in the past but not this morning. He must be out-of-control pissed off/distressed about something. Damn. He's in his room "thinking it through" and then we're going to have another long talk. The kid has never even been to the principal's office before. I hope I can figure out what's going on... he's not one to be forthcoming with anything but jokes.

I hope you guys are able to have a good discussion... I would suggest opening it by talking about a time when you got angry and lost control, give him something to relate to, ask him what was going on. But man, that's not an easy situation to be in. I hope you're able to help him figure out what was going on and what he might do differently the next time he feels that way. Hugs to you both... :hug:

Earlier this week I found out he'd been lying about turning his homework in - for the entire last quarter! I thought maybe he'd feel better after being discovered but perhaps the homework issue is the tip of the iceberg. Good idea by opening the discussion with a personal anecdote. I'll do that.

I took that suggestion from a couple great books I read recently - Unconditional Parenting (Alfie Kohn) and Positive Discipline (Jane something?). Both have really helped me solidify my views on parenting and have some more concrete ways to address issues that come up, as well as the scientific basis for treating kids with respect, helping them learn self-discipline and the logical consequences of their actions, and getting away from punishment. Dunno if you've read them or if any of that sounds like something that appeals to you, but I'd highly recommend them both.

Good luck to you with figuring out what's at the bottom of his behavior. :hug:

I'm sorry to hear this, he's such a polite little guy. The jokes maybe cover up other feelings too. I know that my 7 year old got "beat up" on the playground. I don't think he's ever quite been the same about school. Maybe he's being picked on, or some other issue.

At any rate, :hug: :hug: and you know where to find me friend

:loveya:

He struggles in certain subjects. Just yesterday we were doing math together and he couldn't get the correct answer to an easy division problem. It turns out that he was transposing the numbers in his head... he saw "36" instead of "63". Sort of a red flag and I'll pursue the matter with his teachers. At one time he was being observed for dyslexia but in the end I was told not to worry. If it isn'y dyslexia, it's something like it. He and I have already had the discussion about how bright he is, and how he's just going to have to work a little harder than some of the other kids.

Poor little man. I'm really looking forward to getting a call from the girl's parents. Her face was swelling up when we left. :(

Apologize, find out how she's doing, etc.

Sorry you're having to deal with this - maybe there's something going on in his world that's upsetting him and he feels unable to talk about it.

I don't actually know this girl but Henry probably knows her surname. Ugh. I have to do it.

And remember you are loved crimmie! :hug: and you are teh awesome!

That is just like dyslexia except that its numbers, not letters ..I had a very intelligent friend who had this issue. I'm wondering if there isn't some anger/frustration issues with this here...

it, the word makes sense. I'm going to do some research. Thank you.

Call the girls parents before they call you. It is polite and will probably help to diffuse the situation. Even if the parents are assholes, I would suggest that you be the bigger person.

Edited to add that I'm sorry about what's going on with your son. This kind of thing can be really tough. I hope that you can get everything worked out :hug:

:hug:

If I could offer a suggestion that worked REALLY well for my best friend....

Her son did something very similar. He was 7 years old, and sucker-punched another boy in his class. They were in 2nd grade when it happened, but they had known each other since Kindergarten and never got along. It was the classic "king of the mountain" rivalry.

Her son (Nicholas) wouldn't talk to her about it. He chose to sit in his room and be grounded, instead of explaining why he did what he did.

A couple days later, she had some family and friends over for a BBQ. One of her friends' sons, aged 13, was hanging out with Nicholas and mentioned to Nicholas that he had heard about the "fight". Nicholas told him the whole story - completely unabashed. He claimed that the kid he punched was getting on his nerves, and that he finally just had enough - and hit him.

Do you know any kids who are a bit older than your son, who could maybe talk to him? After all, kids always seem more comfortable talking about their troubles with other kids, than with us mean, clueless adults. ;)

Just a thought. Hang in there, chickie.

The girl in question has been picking on him for a while, so he claims. The thing is, he hasn't really mentioned her while he has mentioned another girl tormenting him so I'm wondering if he took out his rage randomly. It's weird because when he left the house this morning he was in a super mood. School has him frustrated, I know that. Thanks, JerseyGirlDem!

my opinion....having been through that shit before in grade school. I remember one time I lost it on some bratty kid who had been giving me shit for some time and of course, I was the one caught retaliating, and I was grounded for it ( my Mom would believe the nun before me ) Anyway, I hope you get the issue resolved. You say he's never been a problem before, and that's what worries me. :pals:

Normally he handles these feelings pretty well. I think the dam burst this morning because you're right, he takes a LOT of shit at school because he's a little bit different from many of the boys. My oldest son had the same problem - the kids called him gay because he refused to fight, he disliked team sports, and he sat with his legs crossed as does his father. Now that son is big and handsome and well-liked. I just hope Henry gets through these tough years as well as Juergen did.

My guess without making any value judgments is that he got sick of her needling him and reacted violently.

The way he told it this morning, all he did is see her and he was filled with anger. Kinda scary but not totally mysterious behavior.

i would take him to a counsellor if he wont talk to you.

meaning, his father has problems controlling his anger at times (hence the divorce) but Henry has not witnessed any of the relatively rare physical manifestations of the anger. His father has taught him to defend himself, telling him that if he's being attacked, he has the right to hit back. This time, Henry attacked preemptively.

Boys do not hit girls..Even the crazy ones :)
Sorry crimmy. :hug:

The principal went on and on about how you don't hit girls and of course that's true. But these girls get away with being catty, vicious witches a lot of the time and none of it is taken seriously by the teachers. But by all means, bring on the belt! That'll teach him! :rofl: P.S. My kids don't get spanked. I learned when the oldest was very young that it wasn't helpful unless it was an extremely rare event reserved for the most horrendous crimes. They haven't committed any horrendous crimes yet. :hi:

:evilgrin:

That'll take about two seconds, since I can't run. Heh. :evilgrin:

Show him these stats:
http://www.endabuse.org/resources/facts/

And most importantly, live it. Don't ever let him think there's an excuse to abuse a woman.

That can really be tough. Especially on the young ones.
Kids can really fake that they're taking a divorce well, when they really aren't.

I'm sorry. It must be tough.

:hug:

then we've had to deal with their suppressed sadness, anger, confusion, etc. Henry spends every weekend with his dad, but we discussed today over lunch that he feels bad to think about his father being sad, and me sleeping all the time. Poor little monkey.

I hope you find out what's going on with him. He's been going through a lot recently (you all have).

:hug:

:hug:

I hope you can get him to open up..

like everyone has said theres something going on.....

aww crap

just what you didn't need......

lost

Treat it as a child losing their temper and doing something dumb. Not as a future psycho-path.

a good kid makes a bad decision. How long is the suspension? I rarely suspend for fighting. I usually put the kid in ISS, in-school suspension, usually supervised by yours truly and contact parents. We also have our counselors come and talk to the kids. Although, if it continues to be a problem with the same child I do suspend from school.

I hope you can figure out what is bothering him. Sounds like something made him snap. Good luck.

good luck getting to the bottom of it. :hug:

As a Social Worker, Mom, and Para-educator, there is something underlying here. Being the good mom that I know you are, you will get to the bottom of it. In the meantime, breathe deeply, then hit "it" head on. Good luck! :hug:

I bet he's been holding some feelings inside, maybe trying to get "through it" without bothering you. Kids are like that at that age. I'm sure you'll get him through it.

When my grandson was in kindergarten his Mom was stationed in Afghanistan, so we had him for that year. He got suspended for trying to choke a kid. There was a couple of things going on, of course, his Mom gone, and this kid punching him. I ended spending a lot of time in that damn kindergarten class. It helped.

I keep the suspension notice for future blackmail when he's oh, say 20.