Getting bullied by an elderly relative

First off, I am posting this as a rant cause I really need to verbalize this. Second I am posting this in case there are others out there going thru the same thing I am going thru so you know that you aren't alone.. Thirdly, I am not looking for sympathy cause I know there are others out there with much worse situations.

My mother lived with us for several years in the early part of this decade. I think I did an above average job taking care of her. She broke her hip and had a stroke and then it became apparent that she needed to be admitted to a nursing home cause her health concerns were so acute and she need around the clock medical care.

In the beginning, I went once a week to visit her. Then twice a month, then once a month, and now only at Christmas and on her birthday. These visits have now become intolerable for me. I can't believe I am saying this about my own mother! I get sick on the hour ride in to see her and feel like I am going to pass out when I get there. I have not once left the facility without feeling like a failure but at the same time have felt depressed because I am not visiting her enough.

She is fine for a while on the visits and then after a while she lets into me about not supporting her writing career. In these tirades she gets very belligerent. She writes this crazy stuff that doesn't get printed and then accuses me of not helping her enough. In a Stephen King The Shining moment yesterday, she told me to open a drawer in her bureau to find a story she had written. I opened the drawer and it was three rows and four inches thick of crazy rantings, which she pays someone to type for her and send off to publishers which keeps getting rejected. The stuff was absolutely craziness!

I could toss this off to dementia. But she has been like this for 40 years. I am now 50 and have been putting up with this for 40 years.

I really don't feel like I can go back in there again after this week's visit. But going too long without visiting her wears on my nerves so badly that I finally give in and visit her only to get bullied again. How crazy is that? I just don't know what to do:(

Anyway that is my rant. I believe I have been a good daughter. At least i tell myself that. I have not relied on her financially since I was in 8th grade. But the guilt continues...

:hug: :grouphug:

With Mother's Day coming up, we have to remember that a lot of us did not have good mothers, or even competent mothers, and we have very few good memories to fall back on.

Most of the good I get from remembering Mom is by looking at ceramic works that she did before I was born.

sometimes cold relationship for all of my 45 years. In the last few weeks I've come to find that the heart surgery she had 2 years ago was not effective and we have been told that she will not be here this time next year.

I had resigned myself to trying to make this a good year for her, try to see her and my dad as often as possible and prepare myself, my father, my daughter and my siblings. I thought I would be ok until yesterday I went to buy a Mother's Day card when I realized it would be the last that I would ever buy and the last she would read from me. She has not discussed the situation and does not know that we are all aware (her physician called my sister with the news) so I had to write a cute little quip like I always do. Very hard and tremendously sad.

It's a little bit hard to read "My mother is so awful" posts in my current state of mind.

I hope the best for you and your mother and pray that things get easier.

:hug: That must be awfully hard for you and your family. Sending good thoughts & vibes your way.

This has been a traumatic way for you to live. I hope you will seek some counseling. In the meantime, there is no reason at all for guilt.

or at least excerpts. If the writings are truly super crazy, you could turn her into an internet celebrity.