A woman tells you she has kids, but they live with their father

You think:

upon hearing news like that I always knew that I had better dig deeper to find out more about this person before entering into ANY kind of relationship. Maybe it's nothing, maybe it's something....don't make snap judgements evaluate the whole situation.

You have to assess the situation. It could just be a question of funds to cite one example.

I know several fathers who have school-year physical custody, while the mother has summer custody and they share joint legal custody.

ask my hubby- number 2- who will ge tthe kids if we divorce. i did that single mom thing. never again.

This is what happened to my sister and the bastard got away with all of it because the courts didn't want the kids to suffer any 'emotional damage' having to spend time with their mother. The whole legal fight was the most hideous, ridiculous thing I've ever seen.

don't get me started on this one. Parental Alienation is a HUGE problem and it does happen to mothers too - though I knwo it's mostly the other way around.

NEVER assume a woman is a bad mother or doesn't care -- you never know what goes on behind the scenes.

do people draw the same inferences from that?

In our culture, kids ordinarily go to the mother by default, unless there is some reason the mother can't have them. So a father who doesn't have sustody isn't unusual; a mother who doesn't have custody seems to raise a lot of red flags.

Tucker

is one that reinforces every moralistic wingnut's worst prejudices to the tee. That's the problem with samples of one, I guess. Let me not get further into that, it involves a very dear friend.

or to pry, because it's none of my damned business. :hi:

i mean, i always tell women in bars that my wife and i are separated-
(hey- she's at home, and i'm at the bar...we're "separated")

and they really did live with their father? What would your assumptions be?

Tucker

What a fine upstanding example of humanity you are. :puke:

when you assume, you make an ass out of...

i mean, i always tell women in bars that my wife and i are separated-
(hey- she's at home, and i'm at the bar...we're "separated")

So in order for you to not be cheating on her, she has to approve of this action. Also, if nothing else, you are still lying to those women in bars, so I stand by my original :puke: .

:eyes: :eyes: :eyes: :eyes: :eyes: :eyes: :eyes: :eyes: :eyes: :eyes: :eyes: :eyes: :eyes: :eyes: :eyes: :eyes: :eyes: :eyes: :eyes: :eyes: :eyes: :eyes: :eyes: :eyes:

and it's NOT lying- it's "joking"...you really need to lighten up.

:eyes::eyes::eyes::eyes::eyes::eyes::eyes::eyes::eyes::eyes::eyes::eyes::eyes::eyes::eyes::eyes::eyes::eyes::eyes::eyes::eyes::eyes::eyes::eyes::eyes::eyes::eyes::eyes::eyes::eyes::eyes::eyes::eyes::eyes::eyes::eyes::eyes:

the sweet smell of someone being judgemental...

They completely change the meaning of things.

All you said was you like to go to bars while your wife stays home, talk to women and tell them you are seperated.

Using an :evilgrin: or a :D or a LOL even could have changed the entire context of a message that was delivered in a flat way of writing that was easily interpreted as serious.

If a man in a bar told me he was separated from his wife, I would be no more likely to be "interested" in him than if he said he was happily married. Too complicated--I'm single, he'd better be, too. Period.

However, if the aim is just conversation--as it usually is--"separated" would set off alarm bells. I'd rather discuss music or art or what an a**hole Bush is than the evil witch that done him wrong.

There are all kinds of reasons kids live with one parent or the other. I would resist making an assumption.

"my god- what are you? a slut, or an unfit mother??"

"Are you a drug addict or just a nut?"

If you are interested in a relationship with her it means no kids right now, but the possibility of instant kids later if custody changes.

:D

I would have been much better off with my father because he has problems, but is better with children. Not that that is your situation, but I'd hope people would be open enough to realize that sometimes circumstances in one way or another necessitate this.

I haven't exactly been shy in saying I'm not exactly 100% happy in my marriage the past few years and we have talked about this stuff with each other. I have 3 boys and for their benefit, it might even be better for their dad to have primary custody if we can't work out all our various funks. My daughter will be almost in high school though by the time we could split and she'd probably be with me, but we'd stay close geographically and work it out the best we can to be as joint as possible. I've had thoughts of seperating, but ultimately until we could both be in a situation where we can work things out enough for the kiddos if we split, we're together. Right now, two households and taking care of our mutual career and educational pursuits is financially impossible.

Anyway, I don't judge. I'm in no place to judge anyone these days. :(

I know of a case where the father should have and didn't
Another case where the father got custody and shouldn't have. He had more money, the kids 'wanted' to stay with him, he was a local rich influential personage. The woman found out why the dog didn't like him, she found him screwing the dog and then suspected abuse of the children. Divorced but the kids wanted to stay with dad for the material things. The son is still hesitant about what happened with his father, the daughter has an Electra complex.
You never know.

Things that make you go "Hmmmmm."

No Judgement about her fitness as a parent from me. That's just the choice they made.

I can imagine many reasons that are not casting a negative light to the parents.
For example the mother could have a job where she has to travel much. Or the father´s place has much more possibilities for the children (better schools, or so).

If I were to live with my father I might be a Freeper *screams*

of her kids doesn't have to share either of those personal details when she first meets someone. Why chance turning someone off before he or she gets to know you?

Whether you're talking about people you might become friends with or people you might develop a romantic relationship with, you don't have to tell the whole truth about yourself when you're just becoming acquainted.


Remember, there are two secrets of success in life.

#1. Don't tell everything you know.