Time for the "Stupid Customers" thread...

Last night I went to work. I got a call from a woman who asked if we had chicken wings. I told her that we did. She said she wanted to get an order. I said, "Ma'am, just so you are aware they come a dozen to an order." She said (and I swear I'm not making this up), "How many is that?"

Um...that would be 12, ma'am.

In a men's clothiers:
Customer: I came to pick up my suit.
Clerk: Your name sir?
Customer: Smith.
Clerk: How do you spell that?

It was a friend's brother who wasn't too bright.

Don't they sound the same?

And I've heard Smythe pronounced the way it's spelled. With a long "I" sound.

...was related by Paul Harvey during his newscast several years ago. It seems a woman walked in to a fast-food place and actually asked the person behind the counter what was on their Bacon, Egg, and Cheese Croissant.....

:shrug:

a guy i was working with had this converstation one day when trying to solve an authentication problem:

tech: is your capslock on?
customer: i think so, all the keys on the keyboard are in capital letters.

the kid in front of me asked "how much does a 25 cent ice cream cost?".

go somewhere else.

We had FedExed her some salmon from our catalog, and she was saving the plastic gel pack "for a special occasion" and wanted to know what recipes I could suggest. Now, it was clearly marked "not for human consumption," but apparently that was too subtle for her. :shrug:

Or thought she could give it to her husband.

I'm a programmer and shouldn't have to deal wtih customers but at my last job my phone number used to belong to the receptionist so I would get calls every now and then. So one day, I was in a really bad mood, and I get an outside call:

Him: Hello, I'm so-and-so. I need to talk to the head of your IT department.
Me: (From the sounds of it, he was someone important) I can transfer to my manager, and he can help you. His number is XXX-XXXX in case you get disconnected during the transfer.
Him: Got it. Thanks.

I transfer him and go back to trying to decipher the crappy specs I have for a program I'm supposed to write. Less than a minute later - RING.

Me: Hello?
Him: Hi, I just got disconnected when you transferred me...
Me: Did you write down that number that I gave you?
Him: Yes...
Me: (Putting a really patronizing tone into my voice like I'm talking to a small child) Now why did I give you that number? Do you remember?
Him: ... silence...
Me: (Continuing in same voice) Now I'm going to transfer you again. This time if you're disconnected, do you know what you're supposed to do?
Him: (As if through clenched teeth - obviously not used to being treated like this) Yes.
Me: Good.

My friend in the next cubicle was hurting himself from trying not to laugh while I was dealing with this guy.

TlalocW

...the article on fuel prices that was in a major newspaper this weekend?"

can you be more specific, sir?

"it was an article on high fuel prices and it ran in a major newspaper over the weekend."

okaaayyy....I'll get right on that.

When I worked in a jewelry store years ago, a rather heavyset woman came in and asked a co-worker if he could cut a ring off her finger.

"Sure," he relpied. "Did you bring it with you?"

as a teen, I worked part time at a auto junk yard. Mostly pulling parts from vehicles that were needed in inventory. One day, the boss (the only other guy who worked there) left me in charge of the customer service desk. He was going to be gone all day, so I just settled in and waited for customers. (If any)

Well, just about closing time, this guy walks in and wants a starter motor for a 1966 Chevy Nova. No problem, I said--I had just pulled one from a 250 6 cyl(which he said he needed) the day before. I went back to the stock room, got the motor and laid it on the counter.

He looked at me, said "no, no, no" I want a STARTER motor not that thing". I kinda was stunned and told him that *was* a starter motor from a Nova. He proceeded to argue with me until I couldn't take it anymore. I just said, "Sir, do you have the starter motor you need replaced with you?" He replied in the affirmative, walked out into the parking lot and came back.

His starter motor was a distributor.

*sigh*

:-)

That he was sent to the yard by someone who actually was working on his car--and got his signals crossed. Man, you can imagine if he were working on his own car?? :evilgrin:

This woman called one day and was obviously in a shitty mood from the beginning. She was on hold for over a minute, which pissed her off. We no longer had the specialty crust she wanted, which REALLY pissed her off (as though that was within my control). She kept being a total asshole, snapping at me and being rude. Finally, at the end, I said, "That total comes to $16.19, ma'am." She said, "Try not to take a FUCKING hour to get it here, okay?"

I took a deep breath. I was ready to quit the shitty pizza job anyway, so I went for broke.

"LISTEN. I know where you live, and I'm about to MAKE YOUR CHILDREN THEIR DINNER and then be ALONE with YOUR CHILDREN'S food in MY CAR for a good TWENTY MINUTES. Are you sure you want to keep taking YOUR shitty day out on ME???"

Stunned silence.

A muffled apology.

A $8 tip.

Maybe she's not as stupid as I thought. It's still very stupid to piss off the pizza delivery guy/gal, but at least she got the point. LOL.

Read Debra Ginsberg's "Waiting" for more horror stories about waiting tables, etc. She worked in food service for 20 years and it's a great book.

Still laughing at your comeback. Classic! :7

are not just assholes, they're STUPID. Besides the fact that pizza delivery people know where you live and have ample opportunity to fuck with your food, they know your neighborhood better than you do.

My store was filled, not with angry college kids, but with people who tried so hard to do a good job and be professionals. Friends at the pizza parlor are a great resource. Get lost looing for an address you can't find? Call the pizza parlor and ask for directions. Suspect some kind of problem in your neighborhood? Order a pizza, give a nice tip, and ask them to keep an eye out. They will.

Pizza delivery people rock!! :thumbsup:

I worked for Citibank when they first launched their dial up online baking program. We spent a lot of time troubleshooting modem connectivity.

The guy that sat across from me got the grand master of stupid customer calls one day. Citibank branches would often convince people to go out and buy computers just so they could bank online. His call was from one such customer.

She calls because she cannot get her computer started.
He asks the normal questions - does it have power, what do you see on your screen, the normal tech stuff....
She says she cant get the computer to turn on.
He asks what she has done to try to turn it on.
Her reply....
"I keep pressing on the pedal and turning the key but the damn thing just won't turn over"

She had the mouse on the floor and was using the keyboard lock key that used to come with computers. She was trying to start it like a car.

Needless to say he was rolling on the floor crying with laughter. We don't know if she ever got it started.

More than once, people would pull up to the full service pumps with their drivers side to the pumps, but the tank on the passengers side. Pointing this out to them, they would essentially do a U turn and wind up in the exact same position to the pumps, just on the other side of the service island.

People would pull up to the self-service island and then get angry when I would not come pump their gas. "But the full service was full!" they would protest, or "I can't afford full service!"

A woman once came to me complaining that the 7Up machine had eaten her fifty cents. I said "Yeah, it's done that a couple times, I'm gonna refund your money but use another machine, I'm gonna put up an out-of-0rder sign" and she of course went out and lost the second fifty cents in the exact same machine.

We were often accused of watering down our gas, and a man once proudly pointed at the water hose on the other side of the lot with a triumphant "A-Ha!" as proof of this paranoid theory.

People used to anticipate change back because the gas prices ended in 9/10ths of a cent ("There's no way it can wind up an even number!")

Numerous second-degree burns from people opening radiators in the heat of summer after driving for several hours. HINT: If the radiator cap is too hot to open by hand without using your shirt or towel as an oven mitt, the water inside is gonna be just as hot, and under pressure!

People be stoopid.