Let's hear 'em, people... The worst pickup lines you've ever heard...

Or worse yet tell us if you have been the intended target of these "suspect soliloquies".

Let's hear 'em. I'll bet there are some real good ones out there.

Like that would get him anywhere....

:grr: My sentiments exactly.

Said by a guy in my dorm to a sorority sister at some frat party. Her icy response, "I don't like Jell-o."

I could think of better and I am a professional not good around girls person.

...as long as I have a face, you'll have a place to sit.

:evilgrin:

You remind me of a 20 pound bass - I can't decide whether to eat you or mount you.

TlalocW

Someone ACTUALLY said that to me years ago. The bar was closing...and we had been crusing each other. And I was, um, "in the mood".

In short...the line worked.

:-)

Terry

That dress would look awfully nice on the floor next to my bed...
Do you want to see something swell?
Why don't you come on over here, sit on my lap, and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up?
Would you like Gin and platonic, or do you prefer Scotch and sofa?
Gee, you don't sweat much for a fat chick.
Will you marry me and have my children?
Inheriting eighty million bucks doesn't mean much when you have a weak heart.
Bond. James Bond.
Stand back, I'm a doctor. You go get an ambulance, I'll loosen her clothes.
You look like the type of girl who has heard every line in the book... So what's one more??
That's a nice dress - could I talk you out of it?
If I told you that you have a nice body, would you hold _IT_ against me?
Ya' know, that outfit would look great on my bedroom floor.....
I love every bone in your body - especially mine
Sex is a killer ... so die happy!
Chicks dig me; I wear colored underwear.
Hi, I make more money than you can spend.
That dress would look great on the floor next to my bed.
You've got the whitest teeth I've ever come across.....
If we are what we eat, I could be you by morning.

He: "What was that?"
She: "What was what?"
He: "That sound."
She: "I didn't hear anything."
He: "It was the sound of my heart breaking."

How about the best response to an unwanted pickup?
Man: So what do you do for a living?
Woman: Female impersonator.

guy: "What's your number?"
KCDem: "It's in the book."

*pause*

guy: "So, what's your name?"
KCDem: "That's in the book, too."

Yes, she used that line on me. It seems she had been "warned" about me.

It's a good thing I have excellent cyber-sleuthing skills, and she didn't get the restraining order enforced.

'Cause I can see myself in them!

Or the very real ramblings of a fellow who assured me we'd been intimate in another lifetime. I'm not sure which.

Was your dad a dog-catcher? ‘Cause you’d look great on all fours!”

“I wanna treat you like a stamp: Lick you, stick you… and send you on your way.”

“So… what are you gonna make me for breakfast?”

“Hi! Would you like to sign my petition to decriminalize rape?”

“Well? It’s not gonna suck itself!”

“If I follow you home… will you keep me?”

“Was it love at first sight or should I walk by again?”

“Wanna hear my design plans for my portion of the AIDS quilt?”

“Pardon me, which pickup line works best with you?”

“I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hands.”

“Any truth to the rumor that you’re just like butter, i.e., you spread for bread?”

“Let me introduce myself: I’m , the next great love of your life.”

“Can I borrow a quarter?” <“What for?”> “I want to call my mom and tell her I just met the girl of my dreams.” OR: “I want to call your mother and thank her.”

“Is your daddy a thief?” <“No.”> “Then how did he steal the sparkle of the stars and put it in your eyes?”

“You’re so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear.”

“Would you be my love buffet? So I can lay you out on the table and take what I want?”

“Let’s go to my place and do the things I’ll tell everyone we did anyway.”

“The word of the day is ‘legs.’ Let’s go back to my place and spread the word.”

“Are your legs tired from running through my dreams all night?”

“That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor tomorrow morning.”

“My name’s . That’s so you know what to scream tonight.”

My name’s , but you can call me “lover boy”

“Nice shoes. Wanna fuck?”

“Your daddy must have been a baker, ‘cause you've got a nice set of buns.”

“Checking to see if you were made in heaven.” OR: “Checking to see if you're the right size.”

“Your bra is too tight—I think it’s cutting off your circulation. Here, let me remove it…”

“Did it hurt falling from heaven?”

“All those curves, and me with no brakes…”

“If I told you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?”

“Screw me if I’m wrong, but don’t you want to kiss me?”

“I like every muscle in your body, especially mine.”

“Pardon me, is this seat taken?”

“Is it hot in here or is it just you?”

“Can I have directions?” <“To where?”> “To your heart.”

“If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put U and I together.”

“How about you sit on my lap and we’ll see what pops up?”

“Do you know what’d look good on you? Me.”

“I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?”

“Do you have a little in you? Would you like some?”

“Ugh! Me have boner!”

“You just think this is my leg.”

“Say, that’s a nice . Can I talk you out of it?”

“I lost my phone number. Can I have yours?”

“I hope you know CPR, ‘cause you take my breath away.”

“Excuse me, is that semen in your hair?”

“My face is leaving in fifteen minutes. Be on it.”

“You must have a mirror in your pants, ‘cause I can see myself in ‘em.”

“Let’s play house. You be the screen door and I’ll slam you all day long.”

“Some guys buy really expensive cars to make up for certain shortages…well, baby, I don’t even own a car.”

“You must be a parking ticket because you’ve got “fine” written all over you.”

“Your dad must be a plumber ‘cause girl, you the shit!”

“My love for you is like diarrhea—I just can’t hold it in!”

“Are you from Tennessee? ‘Cause you the only ten-I-see!”

“It’s a good thing I brought my library card ‘cause I just checked you out!”

“I beg your pardon, but weren’t you Julia Roberts’ body-double in the movie Pretty Woman?”

“If you were an ice cream pop, I’d carefully remove your wrapper, slowly start licking around the edges, and methodically nibble until you were melting in my hands. Then I’d take the empty stick, break it in half, and throw it in the trashcan.”

“Your body’s name must be Visa, ‘cause it’s everywhere I want to be.”

“I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I could make your bed rock.”

“I may not be the best looking guy here… but I’m the only one talking to you.”

“I can’t find my puppy. Can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheep hotel room…”

“If you were a new hamburger at McDonald’s, you’d be a McGorgeous!”

“You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away!”

“Are those space pants you’re wearing? ‘Cause your ass is out of this world!”

“I hope you’re not wearing a bellybutton ring. I’d hate to accidentally poke my eye out later on tonight…”

“Do me! I’m married—but I have a Porsche.”

“Excuse me, I lost my virginity. Can I have yours?”

“Hey, rabbit—Come eat my carrot!”

“Wanna go halfsies on a baby?”

and I'll let you play my organ.

lol

Now take a guess who did that.

It's all about confidence.

Stop letting others define your self-worth for you.

nm

and eat you like a clam...

someone said this to me while i was waiting for the subway

....."Because I'd like to see myself in your pants"

Heh, I love using really really bad pickup lines on my girl ;-)

"My name's Kevin. I work for Bank of America."

The woman smiled and walked away. Probably something wrong with her.

was actually just standing out in front of my office in Boston when this good looking girl walked by and this guy standing a few feet away from stops her. . .

He looked a bit touristy and confused which is what made it so funny.

Him: Excuse me miss, I'm lost and I could really use some help.
Her: Sure, where are you trying to get to?
Him: Your place.

I was laughing my ass off both because it was cheesey as hell and it was even funnier because he looked like he was really lost.

I got that one while working as a theatre director. My wife was intrigued......

It was all downhill after that. :)

to which the girl responded, "no, who is she?"

my friends replied: "she's an actress"

the girl glowed until my friend blurted out: "she's that fat chick on The Facts Of Life"

the line did not work......

Overheard at college party sophomore year. It didn't work.

.... or experienced firsthand?

:evilgrin:

Will - be honest now.

so I guess... :)

Juuuuuust checkin'.

My friend used to use this one. It actually worked more than once.

"Could I have your business card? I want to know what my last name's going to be."

I can read you like an open book, but when do I get to read in braille?

Besides this one, how many pickup lines have you heard today?

We've got the chemistry, now let's do the physics.

I thought I'd better come over and talk to you before you caught me staring.

Your body is shaped like an hourglass, and boy do I wanna play in the sand.

Hi, you'll do!

Do you work for Kodak Film? 'Cause you're well developed.

Have you heard the one about you, me, and the things we did? No? You will.

If you were ice cream, I wouldn't waste a single lick.

If you were homework, I would do you on the coffee table.

Can I buy you a drink so I look better?

If I followed you home, would you keep me?

So how many drinks will it take for me to look good to you?

Are you a commander in the army? Because you have my privates standing at attention.

Man: You look like my first wife.
Woman: Really?
Man: Yeah, and I've never even been married.

I'm studying to be a gynecologist. Want a free checkup?

Man: Guess what I do for a living...
Woman: What?
Man: I'm an archeologist. And right now, baby, I'm digging you. Hey, my name is Haywood. Haywood Jablomee.

If beauty were a crime, you'd be doing life.

I like my women just like my cars -- imported. Where are you from?

You must be a parking ticket because you've got "fine" written all over you.

All those curves, and me with no brakes.

I can see the future and you're really glad you said "yes."

Let's play a game of love. If I win, you're mine. Otherwise, I'm yours.

If I had a nickel for every time I saw a woman as beautiful as you, I'd have five cents.

I just want to tell you that you have a price to pay for being this cute, and I'm here to collect... your phone number, that is.

If you don't have at least two orgasms, that's it, I'll leave you alone.

And last but not least...

You had me at "get lost!"

From a delinquent I was working with at the time. I told him "Two things. One, never talk to me like that again or you will lose every level privilege you have for the next six months (he was in a treatment facility). Two, never tell a woman that she reminds you of your mother. It's a really bad pick-up line".

"Wanna fuck?"
"Let me borrow your library card so I can check you out.;)"
"Are you free tonight or will it cost me?"
"Do you know what'd look good on you? Me."
"Help the homeless. Take me home with you."

Classic.

Female. What do you mean I didn't fall.

Male. Oh yeah, I thought you fell from heaven; you're angelic.

super cute gal, good conversation, funny, until the tried to "save" me.

Can I sleep on your stomach?

Something like that, I can't remember it exactly. I do remember I was drunk and not very interested.

...the words, "So, uhhh..." especially if the guy is stroking his chin and trying to look and act suave.:puke:

Like he was trying to ask me a question. He goes into this dialog about me looking Italian and how come I don't speak it - blah blah blah. (I've got a look similar to a Lanie Kazan or similar.. dark/olive complexion, dark eyes, etc.. but you can't really tell what nationality I am)

when I wasn't biting.. he started with a few choice words that I did understand such as 'merda'.. I then decided to stand up and be about 4 inches taller than him and told him to get his puny ass away from me.

"I've got a thing for blonds.... wanna see it"?

a very young-looking undergraduate came up to me in the periodicals room of the library, sat down across from me, leaned forward and said in what he thought was a seductive voice, "You know, older women find me attractive."

If I had been drinking a liquid at the time it would have splurted all over him.