OK, best shoot-down of an attempted pick-up you've ever heard/done

So I watched this guy trying to mack it up with a woman at a bar several years ago. She was clearly not interested. Suddenly, however, she turned to him with these smouldering bedroom eyes.

"Hey...did you know they have bar codes on condoms now?"

The guy, hearing 'condom' and thinking he was making headway, smiled and replied, "No, I didn't know that."

"Oh well," she said, picking up her drink and walking away, "I guess you've never had to unroll one that far."

The guy looked like someone set off a depth-charge on his balls. I spent the next two minutes choking on the beer I inhaled when I heard that.

Yours?

Yeah -- sure, Will.

Does "this guy" write books? :silly:

"Hi, I'm Will Pitt. Can I gitwitchu?"

"Who?"

Need a tissue? :)

:P

She just started laughing at me.

Thanks for bringing up THAT memory, Pitt.

guy: "What's your number?"
KCDem: "It's in the book."

*pause*

guy: "So, what's your name?"
KCDem: "That's in the book, too."

Yes, she used that line on me. It seems she had been "warned" about me.

It's a good thing I have excellent cyber-sleuthing skills, and she didn't get the restraining order enforced.

:)

heartless snub.

*overheard at a college fraternity party in the early 80's*

Envision a normal guy (not me, I swear), approaching a cute, but self-absorbed, co-ed...

"Hi! I'm John Doe. Would you like to dance"

"No." (said icily, and with contempt)

"That's OK. I had to go take a s**t anyway." Walks off.

Made me laugh.:evilgrin:

(By nice, I mean:
1. no thanks
2. sorry, I'm seeing someone
3. sorry, I'm already shackled to someone)

I've been known to work in some way a reference about men being overly peristant because of insecurities due to the size of their manhood.

When I said "no thank you, I'm seeing someone".
His response was "Don't you know who I am?"
My response "Yes, you are an ass."
I tried being nice.

He actually said that? That's deserving of a kick in... well, you can guess.

You were too nice :).

I think he went on to play some college ball, don't know what happened to him after that.

I remember them well. I seemed to attract them. I still seem to attract them 15 years later. I hate that type. They have such an irritating sense of entitlement in regards to women, no depth, and little reciprocity.

he: will you go out with me?

she: I sometimes lapse into sudden catatonic trances. I think I feel one coming on now...........

Me - "I don't think you'd want to."

Him - "Why not?"

Me - "I'd taste funny right now."

One guy actually shivered. :7

sickeningly good... sorry I just came from the should women have to shave their legs thread...

"No Parking."

a guy at church was having a date night with his wife. Their 17 year old daughter was waiting tables in the restaurant -- her first job. They weren't sitting in her section, but they were watching her pretty closely, of course. They were proud of how hard she was working (to say nothing of the discount they got when they met the manager, LOL).

Well, this man -- about her dad's age -- kept calling their daughter over to his table. He seemed to be wanting a lot of her attention. Finally, their daughter seemed to have had enough. She put one hand on her hip and used the other hand to point at their table.

"See that guy over there? He's my dad. We have the same phone number. Get it from him." The guy left shortly thereafter, his face as red as a sunburned tomato.

:D I thought that was great. Dirty old man hitting on a teenage girl. Got what he deserved. Heh! :D

how to think on your tired, aching feet!

Love it.

I just snorted Coca-cola out of my nose again. When will I learn?

but I was told a drunk guy in a college bar decided on the direct approach. He went up to a girl and said, "I'd love to get in your pants." To which she replied, "Oh, that's not necessary, there's already one asshole in there."

Him: What would it take to get you to go out with me?

Me: Chloroform.

No, that's not what happened when I read your post with a mouthfull of water.

It's the acronym for a society I've decided to found: SPEW, the Society for the Promotion of Evil Women.

www.heartless-bitches.com

It's worth a read, though... http://www.snopes.com/risque/celebrit/ellison.htm

a guy is talking to her and she is acting disinterested but he keeps going and says, "Do you want to get a room?"

She says, "I would but my dick hurts."

O8)

He: Do you want to have sex (insert four-letter word here in lieu).

She: Yes, but not with you.

"Huh?"

followed by the "he's crazy" finger circle around temple.

I was 19 years old, and still cute, working in Boeing Engineering Operations. One of the engineers was probably about 50, never changed his clothes, never brushed his teeth, had to be periodically asked by his manager to shower more often...this guy was seriously gross. He used to come and STARE at me while I was working, I mean really creepy, just stand there gawking at me. After awhile, I quit trying to be polite to him when he did that, as I discovered that if I was even marginally civil, he would not LEAVE. EVER. He would stand there until I went home, and then would follow me to the bus stop! :scared:

Well, one day my phone rang. It was this skank. He asked me, "Would you like to have dinner tonight?" I was so flabbergasted I literally shrieked into the phone, dropped it and ran out of the room, leaving the phone off the hook. I never meant to be deliberately cruel, but holy mother of God, that freaked me out more than I could coherently deal with.

After that, thank the merciful heavens, he started to avoid me. Or maybe it was that we finally hired someone who was younger than I was - and he started to pester her. RALPH, WHEREVER YOU ARE, YOU ARE A FREAKING CREEP!

*Ugh!*

I went down to a beach after work one warm sunny day. Beach was pretty crowded but started to clear out later in the afternoon...one pretty young woman turned out to be sitting on a blanket a few feet away and we started to have a nice conversation.
then she said:
"How tall are you?"
"Oh, about 5-10 or 5-11. Why do you ask?" I replied.
"Because I promised myself the next guy I go out with will be taller than I am." (she was pretty tall, with nice long legs.)
I said:
"In that case I'm 6-5."
(even lying on a towel, one can tell I am not even close.)
She laughed. We went out and ultimately started an excellent friendship.

I responded with, "Well, I'm not talking to you."

He was about my grandfather's age, was not good-looking even when he was young (you could just tell) and, when my polite "thanks, but no thanks" replies prompted him to offer me money, I turned to him and said (children can quit reading now)

















"I wouldn't (have sex) with you with a STOLEN d***, much less MY d***!"

:P

Me, when I was younger and stupider: "Hey you look familiar, did we know each other in a previous life?"

Her: "Maybe, but I probably turned you down then too"

:-(

...the drinking whilst driving (And apparently an ass) elderly driver asked the friend, "Well you're a cute one, wat's your email addy?", she responded (Slowwwwly), "f u c k o f f @yahoo.com". Apparently he started writing it down then got halfway and gave a laugh.