Out of the Mouths of Babes - (For Parents & Kid Lovin' DUers)

One of the great joys of parenting is the wonderfully hilarious things that kids say. Sometimes what they say is pretty profound.

Last weekend my 5 y.o. son and I were looking at a globe and he asked me to point out Georgia, then Denver, then India, and finally he asked me if I could point out the United "Steaks". Needless to say the game was over because I could not get up off the floor.

Do you have a particular favorite that still brings a smile to your face?

Cute

Our older guy, who's now 16 and a solid six-footer, used to sing along with the Clapton song, "Pretending" when he was a toddler by using the words:

"That's when I knew she was tootending"

He would also call Firemen, "Fighter-fighters".

My little brother, ages ago, would refer to a local mall called "Dixie Square" by saying "Grixie Grare". He also reasoned that if putting pepper on your food made it hotter, then putting salt on it must make it cooler.

The elder one, now 12, had some goodies.

All vehicles with 4 or more wheels were 'gucks'
An airplane was an 'amwane'
Medicine was 'messanin'

Later on, when he got a bit older, we'd find him lying on his bed in his room, seemingly doing nothing. When we asked what he was doing, his reply was "I'm havin' a think."

When he discovered how to say pocket, the grin on his face prevented him from making the 'p' sound and it came out 'focket'. I had fun explaining that to the daycare staff.

The younger one loved movies. The Lion King ('WINE TEEN!!') was his favorite. He knew all the dialogue from watching it umpteen times. His favorite song was Scar's 'Be Prepared', but when my boy sang it, he sang "We be BAD!" I had to have his brother translate it the first time I heard it out of context (We were just getting into the car for a trip when he broke into song.)

megymeans for magazines
pincleepers for nailclippers
mowlawners for lawnmowers
gwice weam for ice cream
ees for juice
and too many others for me to remember....
another one my grandson came out with that cracked me up: at his great-grandpa's 80th birthday party, I caught him conning one of his aunts into cutting him a fourth piece of cake (he was 3 at the time) and I was telling him he was going to be sick if he ate all that, and he said, "No I won't, Grandma, I'm just a cake-kind-of-guy!" I just howled...
And when my Dad died a few weeks ago, I had wandered down a hallway at the church, wanting to be alone for a bit, and he followed me without my hearing his little sneakered feet behind me, and all of a sudden, as I was sitting on this bench looking out the window at my childhood hometown, there is this little hand on my back, and his quiet voice in my ear saying, "I know you miss him, Grandma, but you can always carry him in your heart. His spirit, anyway."
Bless my little buddy...

Bless you and bless your grandson.

:hug:

my then 4 y.o.

Nic: Who's God?
Dad: errr..ummm..I don't know
Nic: Where does God live?
Dad: In our hearts
Nic: In your heart?
Dad: In my heart and in your heart

about 5 months later

Nic: Where's your mommy?
Dad: She lives in New York
Nic: Where's your daddy?
Dad: He lives in New York with my mommy
Nic: Where's mommy's mommy?
Dad: Well she passed away?
Nic: So where is she?
Dad: She's not here anymore
Nic: So where is she?
Dad: Here's a picture of her. If you look at her and think about her, then she's in your heart.
Nic: She's in my heart?
Dad: Yeah, that's right
Nic: So she's with God
Dad: (with misty eyes) yeah...that's right.

But the message I got in return was far more profound. I think you know what I mean.

I've got tears too - the good kind. :hug:

when she was about ten. We were driving to Minneapolis and passed a car dealership on the way, and she looked over at the sign and made a disgusted sound, and I asked her what was wrong. She said, "If things were right in this world, Mom, there'd be a Girl Land right next to that Boyland." The name of the dealership was 'Boyland Chevrolet' and she didn't realize it was the owner's name, but thought they were promoting motor vehicles as being specifically 'guy' things, and was she pissed...
I was so proud!!

When I was little I loved to watch trucks on the road. And with every one I saw, I uttered a very intent, "Guck."

My parents drove all the way from Virginia to Texas when I was 4 and had to listen to that the entire trip.

Where's the Entire State Building.

Thanks.

heaven, and my granddaughter was explaining that heaven is a better place. I expected him to say something like "Yeah, that's where Mommy is" or "Sure, that's where Jesus lives" but instead, he blurts out, "Well, YEAH! There's BEARS down here!!"

I'm sure he got hugs for that one.

Is a treasure trove of toddler malapropisms.
When he first stated talking he would call Superman SickyMa.
Apples were Appies.
And Wonder Woman is still Wubby Wumman.

My new favorite thing he does is whenever he hears ANY music, he breaks out in to a HUGE dance routine. The boy has boogie shoes.

talking about his Health class, he was describing cilia and other ways our bodies protect us from dust and contaminants. So, I said "It really sounds like you enjoy your health class." Then he said to me, "Yeah, because it something that I can relate to in my everyday life, it's not like when we talk in Social Studies that I can say, oh yeah, my grandfather is from the Ming Dynasty."

I guess you had to be there, but it totally cracked me up.

Sometimes I feel a bit like I'm from the Ming Dynasty!

I'm proud to be an American
Where at least I know I'm 3

telling me that I'm his bubby.
be still my melting heart.
I read once that when your kids are born you instinctively love them, then you FALL in love with them.
I've fallen hard folks.
The 2 out of focus guys in my avitar (I can't figure out how to create a good one)
Are Kyle, 6 and Christopher, 3.

My first born son is my conscience
My second born son is my soul

Unconditional love. It is the meaning of God.

He finds a way to melt my heart every day.
I love that silly kid!

Yours must be very near, yes?

Born on the longest day of the year.
My little Summer Solstice baby.


He looks just like I did at the same age.

Older, wiser Gabriela:

Cute should be spread around.

I miss that age. Mine is going to be eight. He used to lie in his crib and the first thing we would hear when he was babbling was " bap" It was very funny at the time. He would also say that everyone was a "Ging-ging" and we used to joke that he was talking about Gingrich.

We like him. I'm pretty sure we are going to keep him.
We've already spent a lot of money on that one, no point in
looking at a newer model.

My litte man is the sweetest and funniest kid I have ever met.

"I can't kick your weenie."

She did that once. While I was singing soprano, Mom told her in not unclear terms that was a no-no.

"Mom, can I play spin the bottle at my birthday party?"
"Mom, can I have a Britney Spears poster in my room?"
"Mom, what does a vagina look like?"

He's going to be a force to be reckoned with :scared: and if TXlib isn't nice, I'll introduce him to his daughters in a few years. My 8 year old son thankfully still thinks girls have cooties.

I don't envy you several years into the future....get your giggles now!

Strippers dopping babies off on my doorstep. :scared:

"You passed through one not long ago, you should have been paying attention."

OK, maybe not. :evilgrin:

had a c-section

Mine is not girl crazy but he can't stop interperting the world according to how it affects his penis. Good lord its embarassing at times.

We drive over a hill, "Daddy that tickled my penis"

what the kids/grandkids say, usually in public of course...

but my younger son, who was famous for very nasty wet sneezes (Bill Cosby's 'Glazed Donut Monster' comes to mind), sneezed loudly and then hollered to me across the room "Don't worry, Mom; it was a dry one!"

We've never been ones to excessively censor movies from the boys. Usually we just explain things to them. They went with us to see Independence Day when they were both young enough to still be riding tricycles. One day the two of them were out on our patio pedaling away and playing ID4. Then I heard it..."Oh, no! You did NOT shoot that green shit at ME!"

I could also tell you stories about his discovery of his privates, but he'd never forgive me.

I could not figure out what he was talking about, and then the commercial came on.. It was a motorized wheel-chair for HANDICAPPED kids.. He thought it looked great..

When he was in the hospital for one of his many trips there, he always made a bee-line to the "wheelchair room" to see if the really fast "roller-chair" from last time was there.. (He did not need one, but he and the other kids would have races..(The nurses were SAINTS)..Every so often we would come back from dinner and find him in a chair...tethered to a nurse's chair.. The boys had a knack for running into things :)

My brother used to say.. "...and deliver us from eagles..amen..."

We had a cat when he was in 1st grade (I was in 6th), and she was having a slow labor. The vet came and gave her an injection to speed things up and promised that "She'll be shelling 'em out like peanuts soon". Off we go to school and, about an hour into the day Sister Veronica, the kindergarten teacher, shows up and asks to see me. I go out into the hall, and there is Sean. Sister asks me to PLEASE tell him to quit telling the other kids that he has a cat who can 'shell out kittens like peanuts'. I did.

:P

One day I went up to my dad, thrust my (nonexistent at that point) chest out, and said, "Dad, am I voluptuous?"

After regaining his composure (he wanted to lose it laughing right in front of me), he took one look, went back to his paper, and calmly muttered, "You need to get some volups first."

So they've always been 'volups' at our house.

he, about hip-high, with little arms reaching about to my chest, both hands up and slapping: "Mom, what are those??"

me: "those are my breasts"

he: " Oh....Can I yook at 'em?"

me: "No, you can't 'yook' at 'em."

he: "But why??? They're big, big, big!"

Kid takes after his daddy.

I was babysitting the son of a friend of mine recently. The kid is 3 going on 4 shortly, and I took him to a nice, kid-friendly park. There was a very small child there (about 18 mos. or so) and I told my charge to go say hi to the little boy there. The little boy was standing there, playing in the dirt with a stick.

Well, "my" kid went up, took the stick from the younger boy and said, "Hey, be careful! You could poke someone's eye out with that thing!" OMG - I was DYING, and his parents have not stopped telling that story. We all got the biggest kick out of it. :D

this is when i still lived with my parents and my baby brother was about 5. he had a friend over. I was changing clothes in my room and my baby brother came in and closed the door on his friends face "i can look I am her brother. you cant take a peak, shes not your sister"......it was so funny...they were being perfectly serious too...

She used to come up with a million of them. My younger one too. She once admitted she liked the color "Mahoganahoy" instead mahogony.

but he somehow got the word mustard mixed up with a movie title that was popular at the time - Ghostbusters. So he insisted that his sandwich not contain any "Ghostmustard"

your parents live in ny?

and my little sis is a prof. at CCNY. She lives in Brooklyn.

Years ago I was going somewhere with a friend and her two small children. Elizabeth, the baby, must have been 1.5ish at the time, and her son, David, must have been 4 or 5ish.

I was in the passenger seat, my friend Susie was driving, and her children were in the back seat.

All of a sudden a little boy's voice HAPPILY exclaims from the backseat:

"Mommy, you a bitch! You a naaaaaaaaaaasty bitch!"

We had NO idea where that came from, and were trying to keep from dying laughing in the front, as you don't want to ENCOURAGE that sort of thing by cracking up.

When I finally contained myself enough to speak I said "Damn, Susie! Your not just one of THOSE, you're a NASTY one of those!"

Which set us off all over again.

1) "It's problem free, for lot's of pee, Hakuna Matata"
2) Fire f*cks
3) One time my wife had our oldest in the back seat as she drove to the mall. It was around the holidays, so she had to circle around for a while to find a parking space. She spied a person getting into his car, put her signal on, and waited as the guy combed his hair and looked at himself in the mirror. She then yelled "Aw come on you DICK!". From the back seat came "dick dick dick dick dick..."

So the next day she tells me the story, again with our oldest in the back seat. As she tels me the story she whispers the word "dick". From the back seat again comes "dick dick dick dick dick..."

4) We pull into the gas station, and my oldest yells from the back seat at the top of his lungs at the car in front of us "come on buddy it's the big pedal on the right!"

5) My wife had both boys with her while shopping at K-Mart. My oldest decides to introduce himself to the cashier. "Hi. My name is Jack. This is my little brother PeePeeMan."

6) My younger brother came up to me one day and asked me "what is a wa? I explained I had no idea what he was talking about. He finally explained I always was saying Excuse My Wa (excusez moi) and wanted to know what a wa was.

Later,
JM
There are so many more, I could go on and on.

what a riot.

...and bi-lingual no less. Very funny. Thanks

PeePeeMan. That could come in really handy when I need a good insult.

idiot driver, since I had my two year old in the back seat, so I am gripping the wheel and thinking homicidal thoughts, when all of a sudden, my daughter sighs loudly and mutters, "Well turn if you're gonna turn already, asshole..."
Which is EXACTLY what I was thinking and dared not say *lol* so I guess I must have said it at some point in her presence...she obviously remembered it well!!

I have a black coffee mug with the Linux Penguin on it. She calls it the "Lix" mug.

JJ was 1 1/2 when he said this. Whenever he would do something like throw his food on the floor or something else I would look at him and say "Your going to drive me to drink" And he said "juice??"
Oh Yeah I couldn't move after that one.

has a hard time with the word fish. It sounds like he is saying shi*. It is really embarrassing when we are in the grocery store or a restaurant and I ask him what he wants for dinner and he shouts "Catshi*". LOL

The other day he cracked me up while I was reading through some posts here at the DU. When reading a post by underpants, my son saw his animated gif of the underpants and he said "look mom, man pull-ups!"

in their own way.

The oldest, now a school teacher - could not pronounce her name "Chris" and every time someone would walk up and ask her her name, she would say "Piss Andrews"

The second one, now a physical therapist, had bouts with tonsillitis before we finally found a doctor that would remove them, would say, "Mommy, I have enchiladas!"

My third - now in high school, came home from daycare to tell me she was "learning spinach." She is now taking ASL, as she didn't fair well in middle school Spanish class.