Tell me about your weird COWORKER

Not just a copycat thread...but a real one

I have had some doozies in my past

With ones who take off their clothes to those that don't shower

And on the other side of the coin, those who have to cross themselves obsessively in between sales calls

...those who did lines of coke before sales calls

...those who were more superstitious than the entire nation of Haiti

I have had some strange ones

Your stories?

and my boss is deranged. :D

I worked with a secretary, in Southern California, who couldn't remember if it was morning or afternoon. She would have to place one sticky note on the telephone saying "Good morning" and another one for "Good afternoon." :crazy:

The weirdest part? Once, when that secretary was going to refill the coffee pot, she gave me the strangest look as she asked, "Do you ever think of killing your parents?" It really freaked me out. Oh, oh, and she would spend 30 minutes at a time in the restroom & come back with freshly applied lipstick, applied extremely generously over and around her lips. I can still visualize that bright orange lipstick. The woman was truly insane.
:scared:

She's in her 60s and extremely hard of hearing. She'll go strolling down a corridor doing the "walking fart". She also frequently "skid marks" her clothing so severely that it's visible on the OUTSIDE.

Actually, now that I think about it, she's not weird, she's just incontinent! I feel sorry for her...

I worked with a narcoleptic woman years ago. We'd hear her computer beeping and all look up to see her asleep on her keyboard.

at the State Hospital that swore a spider she caught in the employees bathroom had blue eyes


she took it home with her

That place attracted weirdos

about anything and has to top anything someone else does. He tells lies about things for absolutely no reason. Like he told me several times he was allergic to peanuts, that if he eats one he will die. Around Christmas time someone brought in some peanut brittle and he ate most all of it himself. He claimed to be alegeic to bee stings and claimed he has to carry an antidote with him at all times, he's not. The guy is 35 years old and has worked at least 20 jobs for two years each. He told me one day he had never worked around a steam boiler then the next week he claims if he had 100 more hours on boilers he could get his steam engineers licence. Somehow in a week he got 1900 hours boiler experience.

Here are a few jobs he has done:
Electrician
TV repairman
Owned a computer repair shop
Had a tanning bed repair business
Was a lumber jack
A truck driver
Worked in a coal mine
Worked in a salt mine
Ran a water treatment plant
Plucked chickens at Tyson
Assistant plant manager at Tyson
Programed the Tyson Corporate computer systems
Worked as a welder on an oil pipeline (actually claimed to worked on the Alaska Pipeline done before he was born)
Was a plumber
Assistant Plant manager in a saw mill
Survived two years just cutting and selling firewood.
Was a professional gambler
He can tell stories about his Army career all day (was in the Army 2 weeks)
Built houses
Diesel Mechanic
Diesel Shop manager

What is amazing is I think he actually believes all his stories himself. We all know he is full of crap because his father in law works there too and tells us he is full of crap.

She's a nice person but she just makes shit up all the time. And she's not that busy so she likes to try to tell you elaborate bullshit stories (like all the "priceless" civil war relics just sitting in her basement) when the rest of us have work to do.

I guess our HR reps lectures on the dress code while wearing shirts with her boobs hanging out and visible midriff isn't weird, just hypocrisy. Hence her nickname of Major Burns.

Except I was never in the Army -not even for 2 weeks

At 35, how did he manage 20 jobs @ 2 years each?


I confoozd.

Oh, let's go with the most offensive one. At my last full-time job, one of the admin assistants had her desk right outside my office door. She'd eavesdrop and comment on my phone conversations, use my office as a place to hide from the office manager (her boss) whenever she felt like it no matter what I was doing, and act like my best buddy and then try to get me in trouble by gossiping about me to others (telling lies). I never could decide which of her two most loathsome actions was the more repulsive: coming into my office (while I was at my desk), shutting the door, and applying deodorant a couple of times a day (!) or stating she hoped someone took a shot at Michael Moore when he was speaking in our city.

When she was assigned to our work group our boss asked us to stop using perfumes, deodorants & alcohol-based cleaning products. For most of the people it was no problem - having an extra body was more important than the slight inconvenience - but one guy absolutely refused. Using copious amounts of cologne was supposedly a "matter of hygiene" for him. The woman tried to move her desk repeatedly, trying to find an location where she wasn't effected - but it got to be too much; being ill, not being able to work, often calling in sick, and she was eventually fired.

The inconsiderate guy still works there.

I can't begin to tell you more about her weirdness -- but I think this will suffice.

so many I don't know where to start.

Gonna try and cull them and get back with you on that.

I was the quiet guy who never said anything.

The lady who kept a bottle of rum in her purse 24/7. She told our co-workers her husband had knocked out her tooth but she told me she'd attacked him and he, while trying to defend himself, accidently elbowed her and loosened the tooth. She told me this after I caught her twisting her tooth to get it out. Oh, and I walked in to see her scratching her own eye so she could get some time off work. She succeeded too. Got paid time off, paid medical bills and a scratched cornea.

The guy who would show me pictures of him posing shirtless, wearing goggles and aiming a handgun. My kids were little then and I dressed up one halloween as a witch for a class party and had to stop by work to drop off installer paperwork. He not only bought a broom and gave it to me, he wrote a short story about me, witches and brooms. He was really creepy.

Then there was the group of fundies. Suffice it to say they were labeled bible toting SOB's and you didn't want to ever place yourself in a situation where you were alone with them. Bible in one hand grabbing your ass with the other.

Oh gosh, this thread just made me remember 3rd leg Harry and 3-hooker George. :rofl:

on the job . She was a close friend , but she was as weird as they come .

she said "Midget do you believe someone turned me in for drinking? " at which time she pulled a half pint of 100 proof Smirnoff out of her purse . took a couple of long draws off of it marched upstairs to the bosses office and convinced him that she had quit drinking.

That is one of her tamer antics.

For some reason my friends called me midget back then --I am 5ft 7 in
or was before I started shrinking, That was weird

in the Merchant Marine. We were all rather weird. I could tell you some stories, but it'd cost you a few beers.

Have to go with this one..she literally kinda leans to the left and backwards when she scoots around the office...and hums elevator music aloud. Very "aloud". You hear her long before you see hear.

Weirdest thing she has done: we have magnetic name labels that we put on a huge multi shelf filing cabinet (the kind that looks like a bookshelf when you open the front of it). She "couldn't find" one person's label so she pulled out a large black sharpie--not the erasable kind--and wrote that person's name in LARGE BLACK BOLD LETTERS on the front of the very tan, faded filing cabinet door. Um, yeah, too bad the name labels change daily and NO ONE has a permanent spot/slot.

If you look hard enough at it you can still see the outline (a year after we tried to scrub it off).

I worked with a guy in college who introduced himself by interrupting a coworker and I and saying, "My girlfriend is from Puerto Rico. She can cook rice. She hasn't cooked rice in awhile since she's in a mental hospital for using crack." At the end of the year I was offered a promotion and raise if I came back the next fall but I turned it down since they refused to fire him or let me fire him if I became his boss.

Then there was the guy who would make a big deal out of carrying his Bible around but liked reading it while watching scrambled cable channels during his break.

At the same job there was a guy who brought a bottle of Remy Martin with him and started drinking on a company vehicle. The driver didn't notice but some passengers did and soon after the ride began they asked him to pull into a nearby gas station. When the van stopped a few people got out including the drunk guy. While the people in the van were ensuring the proper people were notified about the staff who had been drinking he stood in front of the van, finished the bottle, pissed in it, then continued drinking. I was off that day but I was working about a week later when he came in with a bottle of Remy Martin and quit. Thankfully from what I've heard his life is on track now and he's doing a lot better.

Then there's the flagrantly illegal stuff...

That show for me is hilarious yet scary and surreal.

My brother came to visit me at my (former) office and said "You work in a combination of Office Space and The Office." Which is was pretty much spot on.

one of the most memorable was the guy who kept Cheetos in the pocket of his coat so he could feed the birds. Why Cheetos? They have a lot of loft if you throw them high into the air for the birdsto snag on the fly. The problem--they would get wet and start to smell terribly. One day, I was walking down the hall and encountered the guy in his reeking coat and told him point-blank--you need to wash your jacket. I noticed a couple of days later that he had followed my suggestion.

When this guy first started working at the office, some of the women tried to take him under their wing because he absolutely did not know how to dress for an office job. One brave set even took him shopping. It was to no avail. Years later, he still wears run-down athletic shoes, shapeless trousers, stained old "dress" shirts. The kind-hearted souls who tried to civilize this guy have long-since given up.

We also had the nervous farter. We are pretty sure that his sphincter muscle was destroyed by the stress of our job. Either that, or management sent him to us as a test of our will to file a hostile work environment complaint.

I also had the good fortune to work with a woman who did not know the alphabet. We made her a chart with the abc's on it so she could refer to it whenever she needed to sort documents for filing. This was pre-computer days. She was a very nice person, and while we were disappointed that she had limitations for the work we needed, we would never have fired her. Where else would she ever find a job that paid enough for her to support her family?

He's this really weird dude with long hair that makes light sabers in his spare time. He knows a lot about very obscure things. I think he goes by the odd name of darktirade.

Thankfully I don't seem to get the same hours as he does. He's too distracting.

;)

I had a big pile of classified documents - people who had been briefed to a black program. I had them all entered into excel, their names, SSNs, the date they were briefed, everything. It was an ongoing thing done over the course of years, we were required to have those documents with the original signatures.

She "sorted" the data base one day. Not the entire thing - just some of the columns. None of the data was connected to the right person after that. She swore she hadn't done it. I had to get the forms and prove to her it was no longer right - not a thing in it.

Then I made the mistake of leaving her unsupervised for a bit. She used that time to white out ALL the forms except names and signatures, and hand write their new information from her version of the data base on them.

Can't remember if that was before or after she wanted to come in my office and pull down her pants to show me the giant bruise on her ass. When I told her very firmly NO, she assured me it would be okay, she could lock the door so nobody would walk in on us.

she ate only cheese and meat and then about two weeks later told us she had to see a speciaist because something was wrong with her innards. she told us she hadn't had a bowel movement in a while. Another coworker who shared our office was in hysterics and finally said "how about eating some fiber, that should fix you up"

The same gal had a life like a soap opera and had a knack for picking the worst of possible men and then trying to reform them. We really got tired of her escapades.

my favorite though had to be the guy whose wife had convinced him to go to her homeopathic specialist when he got a bad sinus infection and this guy prescribed arsenic powder. So when he didn't come to work for 2 weeks and ended up in the hospital with arsenic poisoning and pneumonia it was hard not to figure our why he didn't divorce his wife and sue that "doctor"

Serious right-wing fundie nutjob. We got along fine as long we didnt talk about religion or politics but if those subjects did come up, watch out. :yoiks:

completely bald, that wasn't the weird thing tho, no what was weird was the 3 different wigs he wore - the just cut, the growing stage and the needs a cut one. Sad thing is, he would actually announce to the office that he was going to get his hair cut and low and behold the just cut wig could make an appearance.

We all knew he was bald. I mean, come on dude, you have NO EYEBROWS!

He also had some other weird tics, like smacking his lips, and the such like. My coworkers made merciless fun of him, which I wouldn't take part in, even though my boss, whom I otherwise liked was the main instigator. One time they set him up on a 'blind date', which wasn't, but they hid across the road while he was waiting for the date that wasn't coming and took photos, which then circulated around the office. Assholes.

The really sad thing a few years later, after I'd quit and gone to medical school, I saw him at one of the clinics in the psych department, so I looked up his file. Unsurprisingly he had more than a few issues with his appearance. I felt really awful for him.

is covered in fur. :)

I guess to call him a coworker is a stretch. He pretty much just sits on my lap and tries to prevent me from working. But he's soooo cute! :loveya: