WillyBrandt's Truly Tasteless Jokes Thread

Hopefully this won't get locked. But let's put up your favorite tasteless jokes! Sick is fine, but please nothing bigoted or racist.

Starting off with my favorite:

Two deaf guys are roommates. They're sitting around one Friday night thinking of something to do. One signs to the other: "Hey, let's go out and find some girls."

They hop into a Mustang, start cruising, and soon enough pick up two hotties. They then park on Lover's Hill, with a couple in the front and a couple in the back. After things get a bit steamy, the one in the back seat taps the one in the front: "Hey, do you have any protection? A condom?" The reply: "No, I thought you did!"

They cruise to the pharmacy, and the guy in the back gets out--goes in--and five minutes later comes out empty handed.

"What happened?" the guy in the front asks.

"Well, I went in but he didn't know what I was trying to buy."

"Do this. Take this five dollar bill. Go inside, go up to the counter, and put your dick on the counter. Put this five dollar bill next to it and he'll give you what you need."

"Good idea!"

So the guy from the backseat goes in, and five minutes later comes out empty handed again.

"What happened?"

"Well, I did as you said. I went inside, went up to the counter. Then I unzipped my pants and put my dick on the counter. I put the five dollars down. The guy just looked at me and smiled. He unzipped his pants, put his dick on the counter: it was bigger than mine so he took the five dollars!"

Two military planes are flying in a loose formation. One is an F-16 flying at very low speed, the other is a C-17. The F-16 pilot gets a little cocky, as fighter pilots do, and radios the C-17.

"Hey heavy, wanna see something really cool?"

The C-17 pilot replies, (with an eyeroll) "Yeah sure, whaddya got?"

"Watch this!" Then the F-16 pilot puts the spurs to his jet and proceeds to do a nice little aerobatics show for the guys in the lumbering transport plane. After about 5 minutes of showboating, he finally cuts throttle back and radios the C-17,

"Well, what did ya think of that? Bet you wish you guys could do that."

The C-17 pilot responds, "Man, that's nothing, I can do something WAY better that that little stunt."

"Oh yeah? Well I gotta see this."

"Ok, just watch."

After another 5 minutes of watching the C-17 fly straight and level, the C-17 pilot gets back on the radio and says,

"What did ya think?"

"What did I think? You didn't do jack shit."

"Sure I did. I got up and stretched my legs, went and took a piss, grabbed a cup of coffee, and bullshitted with my crew chief for a few minutes."


Ok pilots, fess up, that was a good one!

Two leprechauns named Shamus and Amos went to a convent and asked to speak with the Mother Superior.

Shamus, red-faced, asked the MS, "Your Superior, do you have any nuns living at the convent that are two feet tall"?

The MS looked at Shamus, and shook her head no.

Shamus, with a panicked look on his face, said, "Are you exactly sure there are no nuns two feet tall?"

The MS looked at Shamus with a blank stare and shook her head no.

Shamus and Amos at this point decided to leave. As they walked down the hall out of the convent, Amos said to Shamus, See, there I told ya, you slept with a penguin last night!!!

Pimple doesn't come on your face until you're 12.

that I can't ever tell it to anyone :)

because it was so sick...