Really bad parenting advice:

1) Make sure your children understand your love is conditional.

Add your own, please...

be as important to you, ever, as me, your mom/dad

http://maddox.xmission.com/beat.html

Love your kids? Prove it by beating them...

(its a joke people, try not to get offended.)

That guy is one funny mo-fo! Thanks for the link ... I'm ordering the parts for my homemade Segway right now! :-)

Segway articles.

are locked under the kitchen sink.

Never let those bad feelings out, just keep stuffing them in, stuffing them in, stuffing them in, deep down inside and never let them out!

It'll make a MAN out of ya'! :evilgrin:

...who said, "Nearly all parenting problems can be solved with duct tape."

Actual quote from my dad. ;(

"You're too fat and ugly to ever have a girlfriend!"

...give them everything they want.

Never saying yes to your kids may be worse.

"Nakedness is wicked!!"
"Sex is bad, bad, bad"

......NOT showering with your sister is a waste of hot water! :evilgrin:

as you're trying to teach them how to ride. Make sure you yell at them that "they're just not trying hard enough."

Oh, and if you run for student council, tell your kids that they're going to lose before they even get started.

:(

I don't remember if my mother ever said that directly but it was implied and said in other words so many other times. I now realize how much this has handicapped me. I missed out on pursuing several things that I would have liked to do when I was a child/teenager. I also have had an emotionally difficult time learning and doing things that take me longer than most people, such as when I learned to drive, which was not something that I was naturually talented at. I am also questioning what it is that I really want to do because in the past the answer was that I do things because I can do them well, and I like doing well. I realize that this is so wrong, but I don't think that my mother has realized that yet. Her own father instilled that in his children's heads.
Because of my mother's focus on achievement and being angry with me if I didn't do well in everything in my life, I often thought that her love was conditional. I don't know if that it is true but it seemed like it. It makes it difficult because I have relationships which are much more unconditional that I have trouble forgiving myself and thinking that everything is alright between them and myself, long after I have been forgiven.

it recently came up at our table after dinner. The kids were doing their homework, and my 8 year old (a brilliant child already in the 4th grade)had written half of a really lame book report and was whining about having to finish it. My husband wanted her to start over, and told her that it was "half-assed".I argued that I would be happy if she would just finish the damned thing. My husband protested, and I replied, sagely, that "anything worth doing is worth doing half-assed". I can't remember whose words they are.
P.S. My husband's father was a dork and used many of the tactics I've read above. However, his children are all high achievers. My father was funny and kind and laid back. We are all underachievers. Oh well, we're all liberals and we're all happy.

Make sure they know that "another one" their favorite. Oh, and call them by negative labels as much as possible and then use your kid as your therapist. And when your kids grow up, make sure to never help them with anything and carry lots of grudges all while playing the victim. :grr:

The good child (three years older and precocious and jealous of hell of the newcomer), and the bad child (little brother with asthma and real true ADHD and smarter than about anyone I know). Then, we all strive to fulfill our roles.

Hey, fun for the whole family! Be so good that it about drives you to distraction! Be so bad that you get lots of attention! Then, try to be gooder for the attention! Then try to be badder for the attention!

Would someone please just write a book about it?

I have great parents, and I love them so. Family dynamics are a strange thing, and real. Who knows what we do, thinking it inconsequential, and our children carry it with them for their lives.

Some parents, though, are jerks. Friend, we'll do better if we can.

Edit: can't spell ADHD correctly. Have some mercy upon me.

You're the parent. You don't have to apologize for anything.

"If you choose to live with your mother, that means you don't love me".

Fucking bastard.

Some really sad examples in this thread.

youll never amount to anything. Either youre smart, handicapped, or just really stupid in which case you always fail.

courtesy of one of my relatives... they, by the way, do have kids

"What?! I told you all about that when you were 5 years old!"

Never be satisfied. If they bring home an A, demand to know why they didn't get an A+ Let them know how much you sacrifice for them and how disappoint you are that their best effort falls short of your expectation.

oh, you got a 97 -- where'd the other 3 points go?

that there IS:

A) a *kid pound*, and that

B) you know exactly where it is. :evilgrin:

at someone else's home, and your kids start tearing apart the host's houseplants, leaf by leaf, say wearily, "You know you're not supposed to do that" and then ignore them.

(True incident. The houseplants were mine. :-( )

... from the Ultimate father, Homer Simpson.

From the Hungry, Hungry Homer episode:

Homer: Welcome to real life, Lisa. You can't fight City Hall, a.k.a. Blockoland, so don't even try

Marge: What kind of thing is that to tell your children.

Homer: It's what I always tell them. I told them that twice yesterday, and then again as they were going to sleep.

so they don't get conceited.

"You don't need to plan for the future, because the Second Coming of Jesus is going to happen any day now. The Bible says so (insert convoluted fundie reasoning here). Therefore, planning for your future implies lack of faith in the Bible, which means you're going to hell."


MDN

Especially in public. Try to humiliate them too, because humiliation is a good tool for modifying behavior.

that would mean I'm a bad parent.