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Not sure if I told you this, but there's a new Chick Tract up

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jmowreader Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Apr-05-10 12:43 PM
Original message
Not sure if I told you this, but there's a new Chick Tract up
"The Royal Affair" is at http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0283/0283_01.asp. It's the story of David and Bathsheba, with Jack's usual editorializing.

From this tract we learn:

* Jack doesn't know how Senators handle affairs
* Women in Biblical times cut their hair short and feathered it
* Bathsheba is a PIECE, mon!
* All babies are in the Christian heaven, including the ones who were conceived and/or born to non-Christians
* Jack didn't draw this; Jack can't draw.

Oh, and you can get a copy of all 100 current tracts in one box for $15.95. Jack says "Witnessing is FUN with Chick Tracts!" And so is laughing at Jack's lunacy.
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LeftyMom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Apr-05-10 01:00 PM
Response to Original message
1. How much for a box of the batshit crazy out of print tracts?
I can't even find Dark Dungeons on ebay, and Lisa's $50. :(
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Blue_Tires Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Apr-05-10 01:02 PM
Response to Original message
2. Bathsheba is a hottie...
no wonder David couldn't pull out in time...
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LynneSin Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Apr-05-10 01:06 PM
Response to Original message
3. THOU ART THE MAN!!!!
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gratuitous Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Apr-05-10 01:09 PM
Response to Reply #3
4. It's a terrific story, full of intrigue and plot twists
But I'm sure Mr. Chick has done his usual job of accentuating the mundane and eliminating the interesting. The message always seems to come down to "Be God's best friend or He'll kill you forever!" Thanks Jack, but I have enough psychos in my life without wanting to spend eternity with one.
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Orsino Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Apr-05-10 01:33 PM
Response to Original message
5. "He stole her."
Okay, Chick gets that David both coveted and committed adultery. But convicting him of theft requires believing that she was property.

Nice Freudian slip, Chick. You're busted.
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8 track mind Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Apr-05-10 03:18 PM
Response to Original message
6. found this jewel on the 'net
The Jack T. Chick Parody Archive!!


http://www.weirdcrap.com/chick/archive.html
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RedRocco Donating Member (253 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Apr-05-10 04:03 PM
Response to Reply #6
7. my Chick favorite parody
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8 track mind Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Apr-05-10 10:45 PM
Response to Reply #7
10. LOL!!!!! n/t
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pokerfan Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Apr-05-10 05:33 PM
Response to Original message
8. Chick is the most elaborate and successful Poe ever!
Poe's law: "Without a winking smiley or other blatant display of humour, it is impossible to create a parody of fundamentalism that someone won't mistake for the real thing.

Jack needs to do (a tract about) Lot's daughters next.
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jmowreader Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Apr-05-10 10:22 PM
Response to Reply #8
9. I think he already did
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Bucky Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Apr-05-10 10:51 PM
Response to Original message
11. "He butchered Fluffy!" How evil can you get?
Tell it, Nathan!!
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unpossibles Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Apr-05-10 11:29 PM
Response to Original message
12. man, I totally was not expecting that ending!
How does he keep us guessing like that?

I was going to the store one night and a woman tried to give me one. "Gospel tract?" she asked. I politely said "no," and she tried again with "it's about Jesus."

I almost stopped and acted like I had somehow never heard of this Jesus fellow, but didn't want to be rude or enter into a prolonged conversation so I didn't.
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quakerboy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Apr-06-10 12:13 AM
Response to Original message
13. Ya know, he is totaly right
Thats it, no more adultery for me.
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MiddleFingerMom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Apr-06-10 12:13 AM
Response to Original message
14. You ALL stand so ready...
.
...to convict Jack Chick of the crime of providing nothing of REAL worth.
.
I grew up in smalltown Michigan with such a limited access to, shall we
say, pictorial fantasy illuminators, that some of the Jack Chick tracts
provided me with some of my hottest fantasy material.
.
Convict Jack!?!?!?!?
.
Nay, I say... NAY!!!
.
Let Jack off!!!!!!
.
.
.
.
.
.
(thanks, Jack)
.
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Commie Pinko Dirtbag Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Apr-06-10 12:19 AM
Response to Original message
15. "One day, when David should have led his armies into battle, he stayed home instead."
Help me with the Bible here. Did the battle go on with some general at the lead or was it called off?
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nuxvomica Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Apr-06-10 07:18 AM
Response to Original message
16. It looks like he cast some dead movie stars in this one
Tyrone Power is David, with Ingrid Bergman as Bathsheba and William Holden as Uriah.
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Blue_Tires Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Apr-06-10 04:18 PM
Response to Reply #16
17. yeah, i was trying to place those faces...i knew they were rip-offs of actors
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Tommy_Carcetti Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Apr-06-10 04:20 PM
Response to Original message
18. Apparently Goliath looked just like the Michael Clark Duncan character from The Planet of the Apes
Who knew?
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