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That redone resume is a VAST improvement over the first one - it reads far more professional, and is way more interesting than the first one.
That said, you have some issues. Not awful issues, but the deal with a resume is that you need to stand out above the crowd and get noticed - and it's the little shit that will get you noticed.
The little shit that will get you noticed (sounds silly, but it's true) 1. Consistent formatting 2. Every word spelled correctly 3. One space after all punctuation - not two, not zero. One and one only. 4. Perfect grammar 5. Making it look professional: formatted beautifully, printed on quality paper with a quality printer 6. Personalized for the specific job at the specific company that the resume is being sent out for 7. No goddamn buzzwords or adjectives unless absolutely necessary 8. Bullet points are the suck; narrative is WAY more interesting, and also gives you a chance to prove that you can string sentences together. If you're in sales, that's important.
Resume readers want any excuse to toss one before reading it.
If you give them a resume that's grammatically pure, formatted beautifully, everything spelled correctly, with an interesting narrative and easy to read they'll go "Holy shit - look at this - this guy ACTUALLY FUCKING CARES about his resume; I bet he'll actually care about the quality of work he does as well!"
My suggestions: 1. ALL CAPS is annoying as hell
2. San serifs fonts are unprofessional
3. Take out the lines - let white space define the boundaries
4. No bullet points. Just say what you did in the job. And don't use empty words like "competent in" or "experienced with". I'm "experienced" with driving semis in the sense that a semi hit me once. For example, you have the line "Performed markups and markdowns to facilitate inventory turnover". That could mean many things. Does that mean that the boss told you take the pricing gun out and mark some stuff down to $5.00 because it was shit and he wanted it out of the store before anyone noticed, or does it mean that you were in charge of deciding if and when and by how much to price down older inventory because you also knew that new stock was coming in soon and you needed to make room for it?
Anything that you were in charge of, led, or were responsible for - spell it out. Say it. Show me that you are competent with something, not just say "competent in". For example, "At XYZ store I started as an assistant sales associate responsible for selling ABC products, stocking inventory as it was depleted, and balancing the cash drawer at the end of the day. In six months I was promoted to full sales associate with responsibility for ordering and maintaining inventory for such and such a department in the store, discounting merchandise when we needed to make room for new products, and balancing the daily cash drawer for the entire store and making deposits. After promotion to Acting Manager a year later, I hired and trained new employees, negotiated relations and provided conflict resolution between employees and also between employees and management, oversaw the accounting for the store, met with executives to set sales goals for the store and then was responsible to implement those goals with my staff, and slid cans of frozen grape juice at old crones."
And then, in those narratives, if you did anything extraordinary, list that as well, such as fastest promotion in store history; had the best sales record for 2005; led the store to be the company's highest grossing store in 2007; invented a more efficient way to layout a department or the entire store; helped to introduce new product category and led our store to be the biggest seller in company; even as store manager, still made sure to understand how every product worked and what the features were so I knew what we were selling and could help out on the floor when needed and resolve customer issues more gently and knowledgeably. Stuff like that. List any and all awards (employee of the month, highest sales, least doctrinal, best store spirit, most crones knocked down, etc).
5. Use a consistent font size throughout - headings can be bigger, that's fine; but, for example, in your school listing, "Southerland Secondary" is a large size than Vancouver, BC (and there's also a LOT of space after that comma). You also have a half-line of space between the "Secondary" line and the "Graduate 2001" line. And that should probably be "Graduated". And if you have a degree from that university, list it.
That's it - looks to me like you've done some great stuff at the store you worked at, and are clearly competent and able to do so. But that resume has to shine above the others so that you get noticed, because in this current economic environment, I'm sure you have a lot of competition.
Also, customize it for every specific company and position. And ESPECIALLY tailor your cover letter to be about each specific job you're seeking. Show them that you aren't just generically looking for some kind of sales job in some kind of store that deals with computers. Let them know that you read their ad and know who they are, and why you are the right fit.
You might also want to put something in there about how you deal with customers and customer service - I don't see anything in there about that at all, and that seems pretty important for someone who's going to be selling stuff to folks.
Good luck!!
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