I JUST FOUND OUT THEY'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT REPLACING MY FART VALVE!!!

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Hell... I might call the whole thing off. It's not like my HEART valve has an
international reputation to live up to.
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I went in yesterday for pre-op testing and education/information. I passed
all the tests... so it's a go for Monday morning (so far). This is a heart
transplant hospital, so if a heart becomes unexpectedly available for
someone on a waiting list -- all "routine" procedures are put on hold.
Or if there's a cardiac emergency, etc -- but, barring the unexpected...
7:30 AM Monday morning.
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Learned some of the nuts-and-bolts of what to expect. They're going to
intubate me (breathing tube for anesthesia and emergency resuscitation)
and they're going to (YUCK-YUCK-YUCKO) catheterize me for urinary
output. Anyone who's ever had that done knows it SUCKs.
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Therefore, for maybe the first 24 hours or so after the operation, they'll
keep me in a dreamstate 'til they can remove the airtube, at least (they
can get rid of that damned catheter, too -- that's uncomfortable as hell).
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I'm going to be pretty sore -- they're cracking open my chest for this. But
Demerol is a wonderful lover to have wrapped around you.
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Two days in ICU, pretty incommunicado with the outside world, I would expect.
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Then maybe up to a week in a regular ward. Then another 5-7 weeks of home
recuperation.
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Luckily, I had short-term disability insurance from my job (and long-term,
if it came to that), so I should be able to keep from going homeless while
out-of-work).
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It will be a slower healing process than I had hoped for... and not a linear
type of progression. I'll have good days and bad... but in about a month --
I should have (compared to now) BOUNDLESS energy and be able to
function (relatively) normally and have a life and stuff.
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:woohoo:
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It should lower my blood pressure and (a bonus I didn't know about until
yesterday) probably allow me to stop taking all but two medications on a
daily maintenance basis. My water pill (for a while, but the new valve may
make even THAT pill unnecessary) and a serious... SERIOUS blood thinner
(Coumadin) that I've been on for awhile now -- but this artificial valve will
make it a lifelong commitment -- without it my blood cells will recognize
the valve as an alien invader and form clots all along it -- almost insuring
a stroke not too far down the road.
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But patients, doctors and nurses are all telling me how much I will marvel
at the amount of energy I'll be enjoying once again.
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You should see my smile at that thought.
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That's all I can think of now. Kali and CaliforniaPeggy will probably be in
touch with me when I'm back on THIS plane of existence again -- and
hopefully they'll pass along word of how many new sexual harassment
lawsuits I'm facing each and every day due to my unaccustomed vitality.
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:woohoo: :woohoo: :woohoo:
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So, if all goes well, I may be able to return to cause trouble here again
somewhere around the 25th of May, give or take a coupla days. I'll still
be here through this Sunday night.
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I'm kinda dreading the pain and discomfort... but EAGER to get started
on having that "life & so-called times of MiddleFingerMom" again.
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I can't think of anything funny or snarky to say, so I'll just say: I'll be sending you all the vibes I can muster up, and awaiting your return.

God bless Peggy and Kali for being there and keeping us informed.

You're going to do great, too much life and heart for any failure.

:loveya:

D....E....M.....E....R....O.....L!!! Best wishes.

Rest. Heal. Come back soon.

Thanks to Peg and Kali for keeping us informed.

(and not that other thing) and you passed all the tests.

Don't be so quick to poo-poo that procedure you initially thought you were getting! Your fart valve could be tuned up while you're under anesthesia, and you could become this century's "Le Petomane"!-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=evwLzR57wsc

All silliness aside- I hope your surgery and recovery goes smoothly.
The lounge will be rather subdued when you aren't here to keep us in stitches, so get back here quick!

Beware of making the hospital staff laugh, or you'll laugh, and you'll be a bit sore for that at first.

Good vibes for you and your ❤, MFM.

Happy surgery and recovery to ya.

I doubt you'll need much luck, if you want the absolute truth--the heart docs are VERY good at what they do. After a quad bypass last year, my 80 year old mom was up and sitting in chair in the ICU the next day--yeah--the docs are THAT good. I saw several other people progress equally well, so I don't think my mom was an isolated "rapid healer."

I want to mention to you that there is an alternative drug (new to the market) that is supposed to be as effective as Warfarin/Coumadin without requiring all the frequent blood tests, and more important, without so many side effects. I assume your docs know about it, but it might be worth asking about it. The only reason I know anything about it at all, is because we are friends with one of the drug reps for that company. He and I sat at a dinner party and discussed it one night over a most excellent grilled pork, and I remember saying that I wished that drug had been on the market when my dad was still alive because he absolutely HATED those blood draws all the time.

I'm sure they are talking to you about cardiac rehab when it is all over. I want to echo whatever they have said about the benefits, because it will help you come back up to speed faster. I've seen it first hand in not just my mom, but also with my husband and my father.

We'll miss you while you are gone, but this is something you need to do for you.


:hug:


Heal quickly!




Laura

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...is a $4 generic and the substitute is expensive. Much SAFER -- Coumadin, if
not kept within certain levels, acts like rat poison and can cause internal
bleeding.
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And I'm having trouble affording to pay for my $4 generics -- so maybe in the
future, I can switch.
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And the blood draws are now simple finger-sticks (like a diabetes test). Besides,
the nurse who does those tests is really cute with attitude.
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You wanna ruin the only love life I have right now?
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:rofl:
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I did cardiac rehab once before and quit. I had more energy, but that level of
exercise wore me out so much, I was missing work BECAUSE of the rehab.
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I'll be on medical leave-of-absence... so it won't matter as much if it leaves
me drained now.
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Thanks for the suggestions and the kind thoughts and wishes.
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Maybe you won't break this one. :)



I know you'll come through this with flying colors my friend. Best wishes for complete success and a speedy recovery. :pals:

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...it's not my ASS they'll be working on.
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:rofl:
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And thank you. :pals:
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Hey, sweetie...

So, that's the good news...I LOVE it!

You know you'll be in my thoughts and heart throughout your time away...

And that I'll be in touch just as soon as the powers that be allow me...

And remember: pain and discomfort mean that you're alive!


:loveya: :hug: :loveya:

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Thank you for your kindness (kindnessES)!!!
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I need to correct you on one teeny-tiny little point.
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Pain and discomfort mean:
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a) More Demerol
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b) More Demerol
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c) More Demerol
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d) All the above
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Bedtime for me now.
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:hug:
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Hope all goes well. See you on the flip side.

:hi:

in your recovery. You'll be missed. :hug:

great price too!

replacing a fart valve would be a pain in the ass.

My ex-husband had this and he is many years older than you. He stated he was so sorry to have waited so long to have it done and has boundless energy etc. Invited me for the weekend....I declined..LOL.

:spank: we all know THAT isn't in need of repair, more like harnessing for national energy needs:rofl:

All the very best and I share your appreciate for good drugs. Hurry back. The fart valve joke can only keep me giggling for a while.

enjoy the demerol and your new energy, which means you will post more.... right?:pals:

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I'm dreading the discomfort (OWWIE) but EAGER for the eventual results.
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Not to mention...
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Om mani padme tagteam bedbaths hummmmmm. Om mani padme tagteam bedbaths hummmmmm.
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"Nurses!!! Oh, N-U-R-S-E-S!!!!!!"
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"Washy-washy!!!!!"
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Yeah... installing a PIG heart valve woulda been pretty redundant, huh?
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Uhmmm, you do realize none of us will be here, right? And if we don't get Ruptured, well, it's Rapture Lootin' Season!!! :P

Good luck with the Master Control Valve, or Mainline Valve, or whatever it is :D

And while you're gone, I'll post some of these goodies from Basil Wolverton's "Culture Corner":

You'll be fine..make sure you follow cardic post care...a small pillow is going to be your best friend for your chest for coming weeks

He was not allowed to drive for weeks afterwards (possibility of car airbags deploying), and had a wicked cough which irritated his chest which they cracked open

It really takes about 3-6 months to get your energy back..

We'll be anxiously awaiting your return.

Best of luck to you...I am sending blessings to you and yours for a speedy recovery!!