advice please

my 21 yo son is failing miserably in college. when i try to help him by reminding him of homework et al, he gets pissed but still has not done it. we have gotten him counseling to help him through this but he lied to her as well. my thoguhts, he gets 2 weeks to find some kind of full time work at which point he will have to pay 100/week rent. he has already paid for a vacation in august which i am sure can throw a monkey wrench into this whole thing.

Good luck!

Rent is an excellent idea.

He needs to sink or swim on his own. I have no idea how you do that, unfortunately.

that college was not his idea but was your idea? He is 21. Did he just start, or is he close to done? At 21, I would not remind him of his responsibilities for homework. It is up to him. A full time job is an excellent idea, since there is no better motivation to get your life in line than to have a shitty job. And...if the job turns out not to be shitty, all the better.

Is he doing drugs? Abusing alcohol? Involved in anything different? New friends? If this is a new pattern for him, something triggered it, and it sounds new. Rent is a good idea, in fact, it is something you have to do since he needs to have some responsibility and $100 a week is reasonable for room and board. Have you decided what you will do if he does not find a job and start to pay rent? Figure that out before you approach him. Don't treat this like an ultimatum, but more as a contract.

One last thing, if things do not go well, the hardest thing you will ever have to do may be a "tough love" situation. Do a web search for tough love parenting. My sister had to go this route for her daughter. I do not know all the principles, but I do know that you have to let the kid suffer from their actions without help from you UNLESS they own up to their problems and admit that they need help. You always let the kid know that you love them and you are there for them when they are ready. It was a hard thing for her to do, but my niece is a wonderful woman and mother now.

Good luck.

I hope the OP will follow it.

unfortunatly, after high school he went away to school and got into a group that was heavy into the drinking. he failed miserably and was kicked out. i agree with the tough love approach. my wife is going to his counseling session with him this week and discuss alternatives.

find a support group to help you with this. It will be the hardest thing you have ever done. Imagine knowing that your son is sleeping in the streets and eating out of dumpsters, and having the determination to let this happen (or whatever situation your son may get into). The end result of allowing them to make their own decisions and live with them is worth it, but getting there can only be done with the help of others who know exactly what you are dealing with. I hope that it doesn't have to get to this. Good luck.

Most universities will no longer allow you to have a F/T job if you're enrolled as a F/T student at the undergraduate level. It's grounds for dismissal. If he's failing out then it might not make a difference but I thought you should know.

he and my wife are going to his counseling session next week and discuss what the best alternative is.