Please help me start my new business

I am looking to start the groundbreaking, ultra-nifty "eat-anything" business. Basically, if you send me something and include the proper payment, I will eat that something. The pay scale is as follows:

For one dollar, I will eat:

-Leftovers up to 1 month old
-Shoe leather
-Glass and plastic bottles
-Roadkill
-Magazines, books and newspapers
-One metric ton of AOL cd's

For five dollars, I will eat:

-McDonald's food
-Leftovers of any age, including that weird bottle of Oriental seasoning you've never thrown out and your casserole that has invented time travel
-Jeeps
-musical instruments
-Crayons
-Shampoos and conditioners
-household pets

For twenty dollars, I will eat:

-Taco Bell. The restaurants, not the food.
-Republicans
-Orange circus peanuts
-Copiers
-Anything found under couch cushions
-Oscar Wilde

Please include the item, along with proper shipping, to:

Jack Dragna
2344 Kalamazoo Road
Baton Rouge, LA 70809

Remember, letting me eat your useless objects will not only get rid of them, but it'll help make the world a prettier place. Please, no COD.

Got a good stomach pump?

But I doubt I'll need it. I can eat White Castle hamburgers, so things like glass and Republicans are child's play.

White Castle hamburgers aren't bad. :(

You mean you won't eat Lutefisk?!

WHat about Gravlax? ;-)

but nastyfat dude.

dp