A kind of odd religious conflict I'm having, seeking some advice (ended up long and kind of rambling

OK first some background: I was baptized Catholic but don't really have any connection to the church, even culturally. My parents are actually a mixed Catholic/Lutheran couple (very common in this part of the world), and my extended family is closer to 1/4 Catholic than 1/2 Catholic since I know that about half on my mom's side aren't practicing or even nominal members anymore. My dad the Lutheran isn't very religious or much of a churchgoer at all, hence why me and my brothers ended up in the Catholic Church, but my mom still took us to Lutheran churches growing up a bunch too, and after I was confirmed I probably went to more Lutheran services than Catholic ones somewhat ironically, since these were my teen years and more formative I see myself more as a cultural Lutheran. Lately my mom has admitted to me that even she herself goes to the Lutheran church more than the Catholic one (largely because it's closer and has a more convenient schedule), which shows her opinions on the matter. So the Catholic church means nothing to me. I say that in a positive way since up until very recently I was one of those stereotypically bitter types with a lot of anger, but lately I've managed to release most of that, and without getting into detail the person who helped me the most with that is actually a sex worker who advertises her services in the back of "alternative" weeklies, really goes to show how God can work through the most unexpected people!

After I graduated high school and left the house I basically decided that I was still a Christian but didn't need to go to church, so I didn't unless I was visiting family (It says a lot to my mom's open-mindedness that she agreed to respect my wishes to never attend Catholic services, even though this often meant things like going to Catholic midnight mass before Christmas with me and the rest of the family on Christmas instead of just getting us all to go to the midnight mass) That's the attitude I took until fairly recently when I decided that while I wasn't going to become a regular churchgoer, it did have a sense of community that I wanted to be a part of. Since I identify as a cultural Lutheran, a Lutheran church would make most sense, but honestly I find the Catholic-esque Lutheran services to be pretty boring often. I hate to admit it, but I largely agree with that little girl in Jesus Camp who was mocking how Catholics and mainline Christians just recite things like "We worship you o Lord" without passion at their services instead of getting into and intense like the Pentecostals do. I mean considering I love going to see bands like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SgL7Fh6ZjnI (I was actually at that show, though you can't see me in the video!) and seeing how much passion kids put into that, it seems like there should be a little more passion honoring God. I think the site for an emergent group I found once said it best when they said "Don't feel committed to go to any church that you find boring, as its bearing false witness. God isn't boring and we are not boring, so why should our worship be boring?" So I've realized I actually prefer the evangelical style of worship, which is part of my dilemma.

Sporadically having gone to a few churches over the past couple years, I've found one which on paper would be ideal for me. It has a youthful congregation (was started by a bunch of 20somethings about 5 years ago, the main pastor is still only 33), very casual, no one dresses up, plenty come in T-shirts and jeans, their website mentions a commitment to social justice and they make a point of how the lobby serves "fair trade" coffee, the services are interesting, no boring organ music, mindless recitation of Bible verses or meaningless sit, stand, kneel rituals, sermon topics aren't condemning, mostly feel good topics like "Loving others as God loves you" and for one example, while the pre-2008 election sermon's topic was Jesus and Politics in the world today, the pastor refused to endorse sides, mentioned that he has friends on both sides of the spectrum and said that while he definitely had a favorite in that election we weren't going to find out who it was (and made a joke about how he had to make sure to wear a gray shirt today and avoid his red or blue shirts to not give what might seem like a coded message.), so they aren't trying to politicize religion for the left either which strikes me as just as tacky as the religious right.

So what's the issue? They're affiliated with an evangelical "denomination" which is closer to a loose affiliation of churches, but as I understand is often VERY conservative in less progressive areas unlike mine. They're also a "charismatic"/Pentecostal group, and while as stated above I admire a lot about their style of worship, these people have been known for some crazy things, speaking in tongues type craziness to the point where they've even been condemned by other evangelical leaders (look up the "Toronto Blessing"). Nothing of that matter happens here, just the kids waving their arms and swaying sort of thing, but it's a little discouraging. I've seen other forums warn people about other churches of this group as basically being cults and to tell involved family members to get out now. Now I know that it's not like that HERE, but I'm thinking it's like having a Republican candidate who might seem like a good person and is fairly liberal on the issues, but they're still a Republican and thus you just can't vote for them. I should note that this church is so detached from that conservative theology that their site has a listing of social groups started by church members which include a beer-tasting and Texas Hold 'Em night groups, even though most Pentecostals considering all alcohol consumption and gambling to be a sin. But the issue is still there.

Then there's also the fact that I feel like a bit of a hypocrite condemning my mother for affiliation with the Catholic church for their views that I found abhorrent, and for which she mostly didn't disagree with me on, but simply felt like it was OK to remain involved despite deep disagreements. This sort of started our rift. But I can easily see her privately complaining about my hypocrisy if I told her I got involved with a sort of Pentecostal church. But honestly, I'd rather just not go than go to Catholic-esque services, even in a more progressive denomination. So I'm wondering if I should forget this place and just look for a more mainstream denomination with a similar style (and I have no doubt one exists where I live, I live in a big liberal city full of progressive churches. There isn't much you CAN'T find here.)

And yeah, you can see how long and rambling it was, warned in the subject. I thank you if you read the whole thing. But thoughts?

I was raised a liberal Methodist by my mother, who is an old-school Kennedy liberal in the best tradition. She herself was raised by ultra-ultra-conservative Baptists in Alabama. So you can imagine how switching to the Methodist Church was an annunciation of escape on my mother's part.

I went through periods of doubt and uncertainty, but I still consider myself a Christian. Solid. I believe in God, and that His Son, Jesus, advocated for the oppressed and downtrodden.

I had the odd fortune to fall in love with, and marry, a conservative evangelical. Now, I didn't compromise too many principles in doing so; she loathed B*sh, opposed the Iraq War, and is about 95% against the death penalty. Her big political broom is abortion. She's really against it. Otherwise, I would peg her politically as a right-leaning moderate Democrat.

I attend her church, since she can't bring herself to attend a liberal church. I was really leery about attending a Pentacostal church at first, wondering if they were going to dance with snakes, or something. And it turned out, there are a few things I really object to, like speaking in tongues. But, by and large, it has been a positive experience for me; one I think God nudged me into. I think he wanted me to grow to love people with whom I otherwise would have nothing in common. The pastor is a brilliant theologian, from whom I learn more and more all the time.

And it helps that I'm not the only liberal who attends this church; during Election 2004 season, I saw a few "Kerry-Edwards" bumper stickers in the parking lot.

As far as your story goes, sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be a part of the vast community created by the Catholic Church. The Protestant denomination is too splintered, too fractured to ever feel like a solid community. I would love to feel that sense of community, family, and Universal Church with my own congregation, but I don't. At the same time, I would love to attend a small, liberal church that maybe met in someone's home, as they did in the days after Christ's crucifixion. A church dedicated to advancing Jesus' unmistakeable progressive message to all of the oppressed and downtrodden in the world, and to give them hope.

I don't have any advice to give you. Just a word of agreement. I understand what you're talking about...

at others, good music but intolerable doctrine; and so on

I was raised Lutheran then lost interest for a long time. The leftwing Catholics brought me back. But, of course, I think there are all sorts of problems with Catholicism: I generally like the Catholic social teachings, for example, but don't have much use for the institutional sexism of the Catholic hierarchy or its authoritarianism. I'm back in a Lutheran church for now, and mostly what's keeping me there is the simple fact that I like a lot of the people -- which is not the same as saying that I always agree with them, because (quite frankly) my own views are often quite nontraditional

You have to decide what you're really looking for. What I want from a church is not necessarily that I agree with everything and everybody but that I somehow leave the service recharged for the week. I've decided that an essential aspect of the Judeo-Christian tradition is this: G-d somehow appears to us in human form, often unclearly and unrecognized, so it is our real task to apply all of our religious intent to our interactions with other people, whether or not we agree with them, whether or not we think they give us enough credit for our efforts &c&c ... The churches that I've liked always seemed to help me with that. For example, the Catholics, whatever their problems, generally provided homilies that really challenged the congregation morally: beyond the standard anti-abortion sermons, I heard sermons against the death penalty, against homophobia, against indifference to beggars, &c&c -- and the congregation was not always pleased

They are very accepting of just about everyone & everything. Makes for some interesting events....not boring ruts.

They are practical people. No dyed in the wool dogma. Mostly good people trying to help their
fellow humans cope with the stresses of modern life. From what I saw it was a magnet for folks
disillusioned with ancient, ridged perceptions that wanted to make a better world.

moved to a different reply.

I think they are great people with great ideas behind them but I believe in Christ and the Resurrection and I'm not going to any church that doesn't celebrate that. Beyond that I've heard Unitarians often tend to be kind of apprehensive toward Christians even if they are theoretically welcome, I've heard about congregations getting pretty upset at finding out their minister is a Christian and I can't blame them really. They probably see it as that there are hundreds of churches out there for those who believe that, so please leave us this one.

And I sort of feel like this would be like if I had a friend who was really into opera and I went with them to one of those shows like the one in the video above instead of one of my friends who liked the same music. It wouldn't be as fun, he just wouldn't be into it. Same if I went to an opera. If I'm going to go to church, I want to worship with people with that same belief. I don't have any problem if you don't share it, but if it isn't so present at church I don't see the point of going in the first place.

-- Bluto, "Animal House".

The individual congregation matters far more than the denomination. Some Southern Baptist churches are welcoming and tolerant. Others are close-minded, bigoted and just plain mean. I suspect the same could be said for most denominations.

If you like your church, enjoy fellowship with it's people, and generally agree with its teachings, then rejoice and be happy. You've found your church home. The brand name doesn't matter.

Sure, things could change and you might have to move on someday. But that is true no matter where you go.

vs. what and who I really am.

It takes a lot of time and work to undo the craziness and guilt of the insane religious philosophies that get shoved down our throats literally from the moment we are born. I'm not sure if we can ever totally eliminate these things from our consciousness, but I believe we can weed a substantial amount out, enough to regain free will if we work at it.

I don't believe anything just because it is what I was/am told I am supposed to believe, or because I am afraid of going to hell because I don't believe it.

I believe things because these things are what I have discovered to be true for me.

If you love something, set it free; if it comes backs it's yours, if it doesn't, it never was.

Be true to yourself.