Nigerian President pledges end to reliance on fuel imports

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Nigerian President pledges end to reliance on fuel imports

Lagos (Platts)--25Jun2007

Nigerian President Umar Yar'Adua said Sunday his administration would
accord top priority to boosting local production of petroleum products and
ending the country's nearly 100% reliance on fuel imports.

The statement came after trade unions this weekend agreed to halt a
crippling general strike called to protest increased gasoline prices.

The government said last week that subsidies on fuel prices have risen to
Naira 750 million/day ($6 million/day), forcing it to raise gasoline prices by
15%, a move that triggered the four-day strike.

In Sunday's statement, the President said the sharp increase in subsidies
on domestic prices of petroleum products was due to the "near-total reliance
on imported petroleum products in spite of our status as one of the world's
biggest exporters of crude oil."

<snip>

I have come into Possession of your Name and secret e-mail address as it was forwarded to me by my most trusted Associate and oldest Family Friend, National Automated Sales Lead Data Associates of Singapore, a man of unquestioned Loyalty and Integrity. Mr. National Automated Sales Lead Data Associates of Singapore expressed the highest Admiration for you and assured me that you are a Discerning Man and/or Woman of Character, Taste, and Discretion.

Here is my Dilemma, with which you may be able to render me Assistance:

A most thoroughly despicable coup d'etat, having removed me from the High National Office into which I was lawfully installed by the previous junta, has forced upon me a series of uncomfortable Contingencies to which I must acquit myself. Having in my possession $1,000,0000,000,0000,0000,000,00000 (One Gajillion US Dollars), I must forthwith transparently exchange this Muniflorous Accountenance post haste, or face the ignominy of a lengthy Prison Sentence and certain Termination of my Earthly presence and bodily Functions.

Therefore, I propose a mutually Expeditious and Plenipotentiarily profitable Transaction.

The sum of the entire Gross Domestic Product of the United States of America and its Possessions and Trust Territories (exclusive of all losses, encumbrances, liens, blandishments, and legally-imposed defalcations) will be placed in a standard #10 Banking Envelope and sent to my Address within 14 synodic Diurnal Periods. This is strictly for the purpose of establishing Good Faith with the Banking Authorities of Chosen States and Non-Governmental Organizations of itegritudinous mien; it shall be returned to you In Full upon completion of this numismatary Transaction.

With said Monies, I shall be able to collateralize the return of my Rightfully-Acquired Funds, earned through the sweat of my Christ-fearing brow in the Just and Honorable exploitation of my Fellow Citizens of lesser Wealth and accumulation of Ordnance.

Having then done These Things, you shall receive the Entire Oil Production of the nation, republic, and/or Empire of Nigeria for the next 3,999 years, with which to dispose as suits your will, the entire tendered sum of your Remittance in return, along with a Handsome capital usage fee of $335.83 and a coupon book redeemable for 25 Happy Meals at the McDonald's restaurant, a fine culinary institution of noteworthy hauteur and acclaim, in downtown Lagos.

I shall anxiously await, kind Sir, your Decision in this Contumely and Perspicacious matter.

Most Sincerely and with Protuberant Humility,

I remain,

Your Most Humble and Obedient Servant,

Mbotu Obesanjo Dalai Mandela-Luther-King,
Fourth Special Assistant to the Adjunct of the Assistant Undersecretary of the Treasury of the People's Empire of Nigeria
155th Heir to the Established Thylacine Throne of the House of Maxwell (Nigeria), Pty.

--p!

Nice one p!
:rofl:

Thanks, I'll post a link here whenever you-know-who mentions Nigeria.