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Travis Coates Donating Member (489 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun May-23-10 04:00 PM
Original message
Gunman opens fire on unsuspecting targets
Fron the Onion

SAN ANTONIO—A man described by eyewitnesses as "unsettled" and "disturbed" walked into the local Guns Galore Shooting Range early Tuesday morning, paid for a half hour's worth of time, and then calmly opened fire on dozens of unsuspecting targets.

Sources said the man, now identified as Bryon James Woodrich, entered the establishment at approximately 8:30 a.m. armed with a pistol. After a brief exchange with the gun range manager, Woodrich purchased a box of ammunition, showed two pieces of ID, signed in, walked to stall No. 17, and at once began his crazed shooting spree.

"He just kept firing, over and over again—bam, bam, bam, bam, bam," said manager Clyde Jenkins, recalling the chilling scene. "From the moment he stepped into Guns Galore, it was clear that this man only had one thing on his mind."

Witnesses said Woodrich displayed no emotion whatsoever during the 29-minute barrage. Many watched in silence as the gunman unloaded 12 shots at extremely close range into the chest and head of a defenseless target, pausing only to reload. One witness said that the shooter actually exited the gun range with a "look of relief" on his face.

"I should have seen this coming," said San Antonio resident, Carlotta Vasquez, who has known Woodrich for over 10 years. "He's been having a tough time since Sheila left him, and they recently cut his hours at the plant. And he was always talking about needing to blow off some steam, but I never would have thought that this is what he meant. Had I known, I would have tried to be there for him, to say something."

"It didn't have to come to this," Vasquez continued. "We could have gone fishing or bowling or whatnot."

Enlarge ImageA handwritten note on the gunman's refrigerator warned the shooting spree would occur "after he picked up groceries."

Close friends of Woodrich, who is believed to own at least two other handguns and an unknown number of rifles, said he displayed many warning signs in the months leading up to the shooting. A loner, Woodrich was known to be quiet and withdrawn, channeling all his energies into his work and violent hobbies, like hunting.

"I once saw Bryon shoot a beautiful six-point buck like it was nothing," friend Kenneth Schlissel said. "In the end, I guess I'm not surprised he ended up at the gun range."

According to his ex-wife Sheila Mann, Woodrich was "obsessed" with firearm and hunting magazines, which he would frequently read alone in his basement "for hours and hours on end."

"He and his friends were always talking about guns and the shooting range and how they couldn't wait for the weekend to come," Mann said. "They'd argue about who was the best shot and what guns they were going to buy and whose gun was the biggest."

"It scared me," she added.

After exhausting his final two clips, Woodrich reportedly fled the premises still carrying the loaded weapon. He was then seen entering a bank, a gas station, and a fried chicken restaurant before returning home and voluntarily disarming himself.

Thus far, no charges have been brought against the deranged shooter, nor has the gun range taken any extra precautions to prevent a similar incident in the future.

In fact, some residents, like Guns Galore assistant manager Ken Marshall, said they only have themselves to blame.

"Looking back, it was only a matter of time before something like this happened," Marshall said. "Bryon pretty much comes in here every Tuesday."

http://www.theonion.com/articles/deranged-gunman-opens-fire-on-shooting-range,17468/
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xchrom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun May-23-10 04:07 PM
Response to Original message
1. Recommend
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X_Digger Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun May-23-10 04:14 PM
Response to Reply #1
3. You do know you're recommending a piece of satire about a guy going to a shooting range, right?
Just going and putting holes in paper targets?

*snort* the knee-jerk reaction makes me chuckle.
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Travis Coates Donating Member (489 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun May-23-10 04:56 PM
Response to Reply #3
5. You Blew It Man
I wanted to see how long it would take her to figure it out
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X_Digger Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun May-23-10 05:12 PM
Response to Reply #5
7. I know, but it's a lost cause..
This poster rarely (never?) makes a second comment in a thread.
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east texas lib Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun May-23-10 08:17 PM
Response to Reply #1
11. Yuk- yuk!
;)
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OneTenthofOnePercent Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-24-10 06:00 PM
Response to Reply #1
17. I don't know what's more funny, the OP or the 1st reply. ROFL. (n/t)
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Taitertots Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun May-23-10 04:09 PM
Response to Original message
2. Come on, those targets knew what was coming
Hanging around in such a dangerous area, it was only a matter of time. Lined up on the wall like that, they were practically begging for it.

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frebrd Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun May-23-10 04:22 PM
Response to Original message
4. Yep, it was bound to happen!

:)
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pnorman Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun May-23-10 04:58 PM
Response to Original message
6. I'm "almost" always able to recognize an Onion article,
by the first paragraph or so, occasionally by the headline itself. But I fell for it hook and sicker, until I came to the bottom line! Partially, I blame The Onion for deliberately masking the satiric markers!
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ManiacJoe Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun May-23-10 05:52 PM
Response to Reply #6
8. You seem to have missed the first line. :-)
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pnorman Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-24-10 03:19 AM
Response to Reply #8
13. Perhaps I'm not cynical enough!
We seem ro be entering an era where Life Imitates The Onion!I can't really recall a time with so many examples of grotesque savagery! And all ere TRUE!
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jazzhound Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun May-23-10 07:49 PM
Response to Original message
9. F'in hysterical........

Yeah.......the article is pretty damn funny, but the knee-jerk reaction of our first poster is what made me snort my beverage.

Drink coffee.....or anything at your own risk on this forum!
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PavePusher Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun May-23-10 08:01 PM
Response to Reply #9
10. Coffee... in... sinuses... BURNS!
Edited on Sun May-23-10 08:01 PM by PavePusher
:spray: :spray: :spray:

Damnit, that's three times in one day!!

Remind me, why do I hang out here...? :evilgrin:
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krispos42 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun May-23-10 11:52 PM
Response to Original message
12. *snerk*
:rofl:
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Remmah2 Donating Member (971 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-24-10 07:41 AM
Response to Original message
14. Incredibly pathetic.
The guy didn't pick up his brass.
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gorfle Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-24-10 12:53 PM
Response to Original message
15. I hate the Onion.
I hate satire in general.

I hate wasting my time reading the first few sentences literally only to find out I was duped.

Fuck that noise.

Say what you mean and mean with you say. Enough with the coded pig-latin bullshit.
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Katya Mullethov Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-24-10 02:32 PM
Response to Reply #15
16. Says right there
Fron the Onion . I didnt even get past the "fron " part aforin' I had it figered out .
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