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SFX: ringing cell phone John F. Kerry: Hello. voice on telephone <Texas twang>: Hello, John? JFK:Um, yeah. Who is this? voice: It's Dubya, John. How are ya? JFK: Well, I'm fine, Mr. President. How did you get this number? GWB: Oh, the boys at Langley got it for me. How are things there at the Carlysle? JFK: They're great, Mr. President. We're really keeping an eye on those exit polls in Pennsylvania and Ohio, you know. It's looking good for us there. GWB: Well now, that's just fine. (short pause) I think it's time you and I had a little talk, John. JFK: Er, what do you want to talk about, Mr. President? GWB: Now, you've fought hard in this thing, John. Sometimes, you've said some things that I didn't care to hear, but for the most part, you've been a good sport about it all. John, it's time you and I had an understanding. JFK: What do you mean, Mr. President? GWB: What I mean, John, is that you are going to lose tonight. Florida and Ohio will go my way, and there is nothing you can do about it. JFK: But, the exit polls.... GWB: Don't fall in love with those exit polls, John. We have an active Get Out The Vote program this year, and we'll get as many votes as we need <ironic chuckle>. JFK: But,... GWB, cutting him off: "But," nothing, John. The die is cast, as the fella said. Now, we live in the greatest country on earth, and it's important that Mr. and Mrs. America keep faith in her. That's where you come in. JFK: Now wait a minute! I will not be complicit in any scheme to mislead the American people, and I will not concede this race if I am the winner. Do you understand me? GWB, with forced calm: John, I think it's time for you to come to Jesus. Do you know what that means, John? JFK: (silence) GWB: (deep breath) John, I shouldn't have to explain this to you. You know, as President I can get my hands on all kinds of secret stuff. Private cell phone numbers, military records, even stuff about the Kennedy assassinations that would curl your hair. (pause) John, do you remember those Swift Boat fellas? JFK: Um, yeah. GWB: Well, those fellas got me to thinkin'. They made a mighty big fuss about you not releasing all of your Navy records. You never did sign that form 180, did you, John? JFK: Well, er, no. GWB: That's what I was thinkin'. (pause) Sure would be embarassing if those military records that you held back were to be leaked out. Now, you and I both know that what you did back then was just a "youthful indiscretion," but some folks might not see it that way. Some folks are kinda closed-minded; might not understand that a fella grows up over the years, and wouldn't repeat the mistakes of his youth. Lotta folks are not "in the way of understanding," as my pastor used to say back in Texas. JFK, whispering hoarsely: OK, what do you want from me? GWB, coldly: You know what I want, John. All I want is a gracious concession, and your promise not to contest the election results. You and your family get to keep your dignity, and the country gets to "move on." That's the name of one of your groups, isn't it? Fits, I reckon. JFK: But, you're asking me to subvert the electoral process, and to surrender. GWB: Don't think of it as a "surrender," John. Think of it as a "gracious withdrawal from the field of battle." Live to fight another day, and all that. As for subverting the electoral process- well, we're both about 44 years too late for that. JFK: (silence) GWB: Well, John, it was good talking to you. You and the missus will have to come over to the White House for dinner one night. Take care, now, and God bless. SFX: phone signal disconnected
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