THE SALAD PIZZA LETTERS

Here is the thread from which the idea originated...

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x2337046

This idea wouldnt be possible without the assistance of GrpCptMandrake who took my thread and ran with it!

In following up with this thread, I would like to get a letter writing campaign going where on the same day we all send letters addressed to Bush at the White House with our most mundane, inane facts of our day especially our boring calls. I would love to have each letter end with "Please delete this phone call from your records."

Would people do this? Can we spread the word and pick a specific day? Its a funny idea, but I think its an interesting way to protest...

of the scene from "Miracle on 34th Street" where the postal employees bring in bag after bag after bag of letters during the courtoom scene.

It would be hilarious and have a real impact.

Of course, I always make it a point to say "Anthrax" in all my phone calls now, just to keep Agent Fred in his toes.

ring ring "Hey buddy, remember when we used to listen to that metal band ANTHRAX in high school? Alright dude, talk to you tomorrow...!"

who will be cruising along in conversation and just drop in "Sarin gas" and keep talking, sorta like the Kevin Nealon "subliminal" dialog a few years back on SNL.

:rofl:

I end all my calls with an...oh by the way, fuck you George Bush**. I figure I may as well make their boring jobs a little more entertaining. It did not do much for my aged fundy Uncle though. I think I confused him.

Maybe there is one person who could collect the mail in DC and make a real scene getting them to the White House?

must be in CODE!!!

:rofl:

Operation TIPS in our cellphones.
So thats what comes up when we call each other.

We typically will pepper all those buzzwords into our conversation like the Anthrax thing.
It makes us laff.

Gee have ya heard the new album by Anthrax?
Yeah: it's tha bomb!
What'd you do yesterday?
Oh, went to the Home Despot and bought tons of fertilizer for that big project I'm working on for next Spring.
After that I rented Dead Presidents to watch after I work in the basement.
That's where I keep my lab ( the puppy I got for the Holidays.)
His name is Little Georgie. He made a huge mess of everything . Damn : I could just kill that dog.

Well, i'd better run so I can get prepared for The Big Game!
I sure hope you aren't going to New York City on New Years Eve. When that thing drops it is going to be pandemonium!


Then we sign off by saying we have to go answer the door. Some guy in a suit.
har-dee-harr

Especially the part about the lab. Our lab's in the basement, too! :spray: :rofl:

I put it on the IPOD from ITunes for the subway ride in. Thanks for the shoutout. Unfortunately, the cast cuts off after about 35 minutes.

BTW, I loved the phone sex with Gannon letter. Classic.

Dear George,
Today I talked to my dad for a while, but I had just woken up from a nap, so I don't remember everything we talked about. I do remember he said he liked the Christmas presents I got him. I think I told him I was doing some laundry, although I don't remember if I specifically mentioned that it was towels that I was washing. If I remember any other details, I'll write you back.
If you really need to know exactly what we talked about, we spoke about 1:10 EST. I remember the time because I asked my dad what time it was. If you do check, would you mind writing back and fill me in on the stuff I can't remember because I was still half asleep? I would really appreciate it.
Livvy

Thank you, Mr. President, for caring about us Liberals.

Lean Cuisine Rosemary Chicken which is 5 more points and I can add an extra 3 points if I want to stay on track for today bomb.

Be sure to have the requisite number of fruit and vegetable units and hydrate with 8 glasses of water in order that you may be adequately ANTHRAX....

For all to see...
It'd be a hoot if a bunch of people started doing it on a regular basis

Should show up here soon http://www.congress.org/congressorg/bio/letterslist/?id=20004

Since you're so interested in people that are against you... here's my day

This will save some taxpayer money so you won't have to eavesdrop on my conversations or monitor my emails.

I woke up at 5am and gave my daughter a bottle.
I slept until 7 and then got ready for work I drove to work... a little icy mist in the air but traffic wasn't bad I've been sitting here at work now since about 8 reading all sorts of stories about all the damage you and your cronies have done to our country. Looks like your friend Ken Lay is in some deep trouble. Oh and it looks like the Taliban are, in fact, not defeated as you once stated. More of our troops are being killed in Iraq for the war you lied us into. I also read that Chertoff said that FEMA isn't a response agency for disasters. Would have been nice if we knew that earlier!

I think I'll go read the NY Times article about how your illegal spying may actually free a bunch of terrorist suspects.

You're doin' a heckuva job Georgie. I'll be sure all of my friends update you on their daily activities. Should save millions. You should send the savings down to Louisiana... I seem to remember a little storm that happened that you're ignoring.

http://www.congress.org/congressorg/bio/userletter/?id=20004&letter_id=574556086
Can the NSA Please Find For Me A Call I Accidently Deleted From My Answering Machine?

To:
President George Bush

December 28, 2005

So many published reports give the impression that you are isolated from the public and you don't understand its problems. I found out recently how wrong they are. Thanks to the National Security Agency (NSA), you know ALL of our little problems!

With this in mind, I could use your help. Could you ask the NSA to go into its archives of phone taps on my lines and have them tell me the persons I called or talked to me yesterday? I accidently deleted an important one that related to a family obligation I have.

It is embarrassing to have lost my notes on who called me or what that special request was, but I am sure the NSA can help me out! I am only talking about calls made on Tuesday, December 27th. Thanks for all your help!

Bolingbrook , IL

:evilgrin:

:rofl: Who knew we would someday use our government as a pocket notebook.

I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow and lost that little card they give you. You know the one I am talking about. Anyway, my dog Cheney licked the answering machine and erased the confirmation call. Do you think you can have Rove or McMuffins go through my calls and find out the time of the appt? I believe the call came in around 1:30 on 12/26. Much obliged. Get back to me as soon as you can. Those missed appointment fees are a bitch. Thanks and keep defending freedom...

they are required to check it out and answer your request.

ask one for me?

Dear President Bush: In September, I bought a filing cabinet from either Office Max or Office Depot. I'm not sure which one, because where I live, the two stores are awfully close to one another.

Anyway, I can't find the receipt, and I want to return the filing cabinet for a refund. It is a poorly-built piece of crap.

Could you please tell me where I put that darned receipt?

Thanks! I know you won't let me down!

Dear President Bush:

As you may already know, I got a cell phone call today at 1:50 p.m. CST from my friend who just landed in California. She is chaperoning her daughter's high school band on their trip to the Rose Parade. All that background noise you heard was the airport baggage claim area on her end, and on my end, the anti-theft alarm in Sam Goody which kept going off. I was in there with my son who wanted to buy two CDs. Sorry for all the noise and distraction. The kids are having a good time. My friend's husband, Steve, had an earache on the plane, but he's better now.

Yours truly,

LW

Dear President Bush:

In the spirit of full disclosure, to make sure you have all the information you may need to protect us, I am not going to judge whether or not certain activities may or may not be terrorist-related. I am just going to report everything, and entrust that judgment to your far more able hands.

I picked up my phone (land-line; black in color) today. Previous to picking up the telephone, I had been listening to a tape of a Dorothy L. Sayers mystery on my tape player, which is approximately 10 years old (Motorola). I had opened the curtains (Martha Stewart) of the bedroom, and noticed that a great deal of dust had collected on the windowsill and elsewhere around the windows. I secured a damp cloth and a product called "409" and, spraying the 409 on the windowsill and other dirty areas, I began to scrub it with the damp cloth. I succeeded in getting most of the dust off the windowsill and other areas.

I rinsed the cloth and placed it in the basement near the washing machine (Maytag brand).

Oh, yeah. So, anyway, as I said, I picked up the phone right after all this, and it was a call from The Insurance Brotherhood of America. This organization calls me at least once every weekday, usually earlier in the day than this, though. The substance of the call was: "Hello! This is the Insurance Brotherhood of America". That is the entire substance of the call and that is the entire substance of any/all other calls I have received from them, because I always hang up at that point.

In the spirit of thoroughness, though, I guess I should include my remarks which I made after hanging up--though they were not, strictly speaking, a part of the conversation. I said, "Goddammed Insurance Brotherhood of America! When will those scumbags stop wasting my time with their stupid automated bullshit calls!"

Your trusting citizen,

No Exit

He had the temerity to sue an insurance company! (Me, I've never sued anyone! No sirree, it's not ME who's "costing everyone money with frivolous lawsuits"--it's those sleazy plaintiffs like Trent Lott.)

Me: "Hello".
Elderly friend: "Hi!...
Me: "What's up?"
E.F.: "Nothin' much... well, I walked to the Western this morning. I needed to get some milk. Well, so I saw that older lady--you remember the one I told you about who lives in one of those apartment houses on XXX Avenue..."
Me (fibbing): "Yeah."
E.F.: "Well, she's the one that, that other time, I saw her on a bench and I sat down to get some shade, and she started talking about how these younger girls dress... remember? She's the one that said the clothes are so tight, they look like a sausage? Well--"
Me: "Oh--that woman. Yeah."
E.F.: "Well, I saw her today. She was out in front of her apartment watering her plants. She has the most beautiful wax begonias..."
Me: "Oh!"
E.F.: "Well, I got back from the Western. Lugging that gallon of milk is always fun... but I guess it's good exercise..."
Me: "Yeah. I oughta start walking to the store, myself."
E.F.: "Well, I just have to get out of here sometimes. I get so sick of that TV..."
Me: "Yeah. It can be boring."
E.F.: "Oh, and I saw a Red Bird outside at the bird feeder this morning..."

Oh, yeahhhhhhh.... we'll cure those repukelicans of EVER wanting to hear ANY phone conversations again!

Someone in the OSS had a brilliant idea to hire a taxidermist to stuff dead rats with Plastic Explosive. The ersatz rat bangers would then be delivered to the French Resistance. Nobody would closely examine a dead rat, so they could be left in plain sight. The plane carrying the first shipment was lost, and when the Germans examined the wreckage, they found all of the explosive filled rats. A call from Gestapo Headquarters went out to the French population to deliver any rats that were found to Gestapo HQ. Having a sense of humor, the locals complied by delivering them by the wheelbarrow full, some still twitching. The order was soon canceled and the operation was deemed a great success.


Don't be surprised if you hear next week that they stopped a plot to hide Plastic Explosives in rats.

Apparently J. Edgar was a stickler for proper grammar and typing form. He liked FBI memos to have a certain width of margin around them. At some point, he saw a memo or two which did not have the correct-sized margins, and he began writing on the offending memos, "Watch the borders!"

Someone supposedly took this the wrong way, and FBI agents were supposedly on heightened security at the Canadian border.

I don't know if Snopes claims this one is an urban legend. I seem to remember reading this on TheSmokingGun.com. I think I believe The Smoking Gun more than I believe Snopes...

I've seen them pull some beautes. LOL

I boxed up the Christmas stuff. Then, we went out to a nice
cafeteria for an early dinner. We passed on dessert, because
as "terraists", we need to get ourselves in much better shape.

Now, here is the part Bushco may need to pay closer attention to:
We went out shopping for a new hard drive, as the one I am using
now is acting a little weird. Perhaps all the government agencies
spying on me have mucked it up.
:argh:

With a larger hard drive, and more memory, Slumpy better be hiring
additional personnel just to keep up with me.

Here's what I am using now...

:rofl: :rofl:

DU'ERS ARE SO CREATIVE.

Dear George,
I know you're probably busy 'reading', but I have a favor to ask. The phone guy is coming out next week to check on a static problem, and I wonder if you can have your guys 'take a break' next Thursday between noon and 5:00 pm so they can get this straightened out. I promise not to say anything naughty until at least 6:00 pm.
I'm sure this will benefit all concerned. As you've probably heard, the reception has been awful.
And if there are any long distance calls on Thursday afternoon, please let me know so I can complain to the phone company. Can’t trust those guys, you know.
Thanks in advance!

I was wondering when this thread would get the 5th vote. I still think sending these using congress.org is the way to go.

http://www.congress.org/congressorg/bio/userletter/?id=20004&letter_id=574619591
My Mom's Dog

To:
President George Bush

December 28, 2005

You may have picked up on the word "attack" on my phone today. Just so you don't have to listen to the whole interminable conversation, my mother and I were just discussing whether her new dog would attack strangers who come to the door. We decided he would probably just bark, but who knows what he'd do if he smells fear or danger?

Oh, and I spoke to a customer about "the job" but we were talking about an ad I faxed to her, so you don't have to worry about that.

As for overseas calls, I occasionally chat with a friend in England. The words "Bush, WMDs, liar, impeach, wiretaps" were probably mentioned by one or both of us at some point. That's not illegal yet... is it?

I'll let you know if any more buzz words slip by my lips. Have a nice threat detection day!

St. Louis , MO