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D.C. HIGH SCHOOL – End-of-Semester Newsletter
By Nancy Greggs
As another school year draws to a close here at good ol’ D.C. High School, it’s time to look back on the accomplishments of our students before we head off to our summer vacation.
Academically, DC HS made its mark this year in the district-wide Science and Mathematics arenas! Congratulations to our Young Christians Club whose “The Earth – 6,000 Years Young” diorama dazzled the regional judges. (Didn’t Adam, Eve and the Baby Jesus look swell with all of those dinosaurs?)
Alas, no prize was awarded, but those in-the-know have had a peek preview of next semester’s project (“How the Sun Rotates Around a Flat Earth”) and we’re pretty much counting on the top award for that effort.
Our Math Club (the infamous “Square to the Nths”!) made it to the finals this year, with their presentation on “How the Economy is Booming Only Nobody KNOWS It”. (This scribe must admit she couldn’t follow their logic at all – but then, I’m NOT a mathematician!)
It was yet another disappointing year for our football team and its captain, Donny Rumsfeld, whose strategery on the field-of-play has yet to win us any games. But you can’t ignore the boy’s enthusiasm! As Captain Rumsfeld always says himself, “There are the things you know, and the things you don’t know, and the things you thought you knew but didn’t, and the unknowable things that just keep getting known by everybody else but us.” Better luck next year, Donny – we KNOW you can DO IT!
And speaking of school sports – we sometimes fail to recognize the fine work done by our cheerleading squad, without whose support our athletes’ endeavors would seem hollow indeed. So here’s a BIG DC HS CHEER for team leader Annie Coulter, whose “Death to all Libruls, that’s what I said, the only good Librul is the one who’s GOOD and DEAD” routine did us proud at every competition!
It’s always sad to bid adieu to our students who, through no fault of their own, are leaving us to pursue other academic pursuits. Jackie Abramoff, Kenny “Boy” Lay, and “The Dukester” Cunningham will be studying for their GEDs in other educational institutions next semester, and we wish them all luck in their new surroundings!
It is also time to express our gratitude to our student officers and volunteers. Kudos to Billy Frist, who headed up our annual charity drive. We didn’t raise as much money as we’d hoped or expected. But spirits were raised when Billy’s sister graciously drove all of our hard-working fundraisers to a local eatery in her brand new SUV, and picked up the tab to boot! I guess that in the Frist household, charity really DOES begin (and end) at home.
For a while there, it looked like our Student Council presidential elections would be too close to call! But Georgie Bush managed to win an overwhelming majority of votes at the beginning of the school term, and has done a remarkable job, in spite of his many absences from class. A special DC HS ‘tip of the hat’ to our election scrutineers, Jebbie Bush and Kathy Harris, for ensuring a fair vote count, and to our political history teacher, Mr. James Baker, for consenting to the change in the student bylaws that formerly barred our lower academic achievers from running for office!
For those students wishing to join next semester’s Gun Club, we urge you to sign up now. Club president/instructor Dickie Cheney is reporting a large drop-off in membership, and the group may have to be discontinued as a result. Hey, kids, accidents HAPPEN – please don’t let one minor incident prevent you from enjoying a great sport! (And best wishes to Dickie Whittington on his road to recovery)
I know everyone is looking forward to the prom next week, but let’s remember that abiding by the rules makes for a much more enjoyable evening for all attendees. If you do not have an official opposite-sex escort for the dance, please do not attempt to gain entrance. As we all know, prom night is a sacred date between one boy and one girl, and we don’t want that traditional union to be threatened into extinction by a few rabble-rousers.
Alcoholic beverages will be served, but due to concerns over frivolous lawsuits against the school, ID MUST be presented to ensure that only students who have politically high-placed parents will be allowed to imbibe and drive!
Student Achievement Awards were handed out in our annual assembly last week, and for those of you who missed the ceremonies, this year’s honored recipients included Billy O’Reilly, who easily walked away with the Journalistic Integrity Award for his school newspaper piece, “Massacre at Malmedy”, Ricky Santorum, whose “Snatching Defeat from the Hands of Assumed Victory” won him the coveted Essayist Award, and our own Martha Ann Soon-to-be-Alito (YES, they’re ENGAGED!) whose performance in our annual school play left the audience in tears, walked off with our Thespian Award.
Of course, our clever Yearbook Committee endowed their own ‘honors’ as well, including Condi Rice being named “Most Likely to Shop for Shoes in a Disaster”! You kids are just too much!!!
Of note:
Thanks to Wal*Mart for their generous donation of the American flags for our Memorial Day Picnic (and by the way, those ‘Made in China’ labels were as easy to remove as they promised they would be!)
Also thanks to Halliburton Inc. for our fabulous new gymnasium, the first multi-billion dollar gym in the country! While costly, the new venue will be a source of pride here at DC HS long past the many decades it will take to pay for it!
So farewell, students. Have a FABULOUS summer vacation, and see you next year!
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