JESUS - EXTREME MAKEOVER EDITION!!!

JESUS - Extreme Makeover Edition
By Nancy Greggs

If you want to talk about the hypocrisy of the present day “Fundie” Christians, you’d best be prepared for one very LONG conversation.

They claim to live their lives according to the Good Book, while simultaneously supporting a president and an Administration that ignore the poor, the sick, and the homeless, and support their policies of pre-emptive war, enriching the wealthy, and torturing whoever BushCo happens to be pissed-off at.

It should seem obvious to anyone who has read the teachings of Jesus Christ that were He to surreptitiously return to earth in present times, He wouldn’t fare very well in today’s political climate.

Aside from the obvious immediate reaction – i.e. “Get a haircut and stop wearing that God-damned dress!” – the poor Son of God and his Apostles would be less than welcome among those who claim to be his loyal constituents.

Imagine the hapless Savior showing up in the US today. In the present 24/7 news cable news cycle, His radical teachings would immediately garner a lot of publicity. You can picture the Fox-TV News Headline: “Do Unto Others? Love They Neighbor? Where does this crackpot GET OFF?”

And it would just be a matter of time before He ended up on CNN, defending his whacko ideas to the likes of Carol Linn (“But you’re only Jesus Christ. What would YOU know about Christianity?”), followed by a week-long Anderson Cooper special: “The Lord – He Doesn’t Have a Prayer”.

When asked about his political views, Christ probably wouldn’t have very many positive things to say about the Fundies’ favorite son, George W. Bush. And ya gotta know, Jesus, that the way the political wind is blowing these days, that’s gonna cost ya.

I don’t deign to speak for The Lord, but based on two thousand years worth of documentary evidence, I’ve got to figure that He’d have a few words to say about thousands of dead Iraqis, dead Katrina victims, and dead US soldiers who were sent to the Middle East to fight a war based on lies. (He always WAS a stickler for that “do not bear false witness” stuff.)

When you think about the people that Jesus tended to hang with back on the ol’ Jerusalem block, such a choice of companions would not exactly sit well with the Bible Belt crowd, nor with today’s average Republican. His friendship with Mary Magdalene would be enough, in and of itself, to get the Savior of Man run out of most Fundie enclaves on the proverbial rail. And what about Thomas (aka “Doubting” Thomas)? If he didn’t believe Christ had risen after seeing him with his own eyes, how much credence would he have given to this Administration when it trotted out its WMD stories?

Judas, now maybe that’s a different story. I’m sure the GOP wouldn’t have too much trouble ‘turning’ him. He’d probably hold out for more than thirty pieces of silver this time around, but maybe a weekend of golf in Scotland, or a yacht (“The Jude-stir”) would make him see the light.

Were the incidents described in the New Testament to happen today, the Fundies would have to engage in some of that ‘revisionist history’ we hear so much about, to whit: “When asked about paying tribute to Caesar or to God, Jesus plainly said, ‘Oh, just give it ALL to Caesar. He’ll throw some of it Jerry Falwell’s way, and Jerry will make sure that God gets his cut.’ Or, ‘Jesus saw the money-changers in the Temple, and insisted they be compensated for their efforts with an $20-million dollar ‘golden parachute’ at the taxpayers’ expense.’”

Call me crazy, but I don’t think Jesus would be too happy with the way things are going under the Bush Regime. Stealing from the poor to give to the rich, handing out tax subsidies to the oil companies that are destroying the planet his Heavenly Father so painstakingly created, funneling millions of dollars into the bank accounts of greedy corporations that outsource jobs to countries where people labor in inhumane working conditions, shutting down hospitals and social programs that look after the sick and the needy – nah, he wouldn’t be buyin’ any of it. And don’t even get Him STARTED on the subject of torture unless you’ve got a veritable eternity on your hands to discuss it. Believe me, on that topic, he knows whereof he speaks.

No, were Jesus to show up on our shores today, he would HAVE TO BE STOPPED. The Fundies and the GOP would be hell-bent (you should pardon the pun) on discrediting Him and his band of hippie buddies before he got The Word out to the masses.

And it would all so easily be done, because these people have it down to a science.

Judas would appear in some well-placed TV ads produced by the Swift-Crucifixionists for Truth. The paparazzi would sell their pictures of Jesus on the beach with a photo-shopped topless Mary Magdalene to the tabloids, and the American Family Values people would hang him out to dry for promoting wanton drunkenness with that water-into-wine fiasco.

The Sermon on the Mount would be canceled due to last-minute technicalities with the necessary permits. And Halliburton, having been awarded a no-bid contract to supply loaves-and-fishes at every public gathering (at a non-negotiable $10,000-per-person), would launch a lawsuit aimed at bankrupting an unsuspecting Christ.

Eventually, after being declared a classic nut-job by O’Reilly and Limbaugh, Jesus would have his house searched (without a knock at the door, no less a warrant), and would be arrested under the Patriot Act for subversive behavior. Amnesty International would be fighting with Rumsfeld to have Him freed from Gitmo pending trial, and the Virgin Mary would park herself in a lawn-chair outside of the Crawford ranch, asking uncomfortable questions about what Noble Cause led to the arrest of her only son.

Presented with such ripe-for-the-taking Forbidden PR Fruit, the Right-Wing and the Fundies would be singing “Jesus Loves Me – But I Don’t Love Him” all the way to Golgotha.

So while the Fundies patiently await the Final Judgment, when Jesus will return to the earth and lead them all to their Just Reward, Christ has no choice but to lay low in his heavenly domain, attempting to stay out of the trouble they would undoubtedly cause him were he to attempt a comeback.

In my humble opinion, if Christ were to come back to judge all and sundry for their deeds, I have an inkling there’d be some major ass-kicking done – and the Fundies and their president would be on the receiving end of the whuppin’.

But that’s just me. I’m sure the Republicans and the Fundies have a different view of things. And who would know the word of Jesus better than they do?

"Jesus is coming. Look busy."

In a very good recent novel, The Messiah of Morris Avenue by Tony Hendra, Jesus returns in the guise of a young Hispanic drifter to a United States in which the fundie right wing controls the government. Eventually, of course, he is executed by the fundie government after being tried and convicted of sedition and heresy, which are now capital offenses. I really liked this book. http://www.henryholt.com/messiahofmorrisavenue/

Thanks for the heads-up! Sounds like my kind of book!

and call him a commie.

And if you think the RW are having a field day with the "Cut & Run" talking point, imagine what they'd do with "Turn the other cheek" ...

:hi:

I must have tried about a dozen times.

You ought to be compiling these essays for a book, they are so good!

TC

book form.

She is amazing!:applause:

Yes, Nance, YOU!!

That he came to set families against each other. And, while he did say that "whatever you do to the
least of these you do to me," he also admonished his disciples that they had better put worship
of him ahead of helping the poor, who will always be with you. How do those sentiments not square
with present day conservatives and Bible thumpers?

All in all, JC's proported actions in the Bible would be spun to show what a normal, human guy he was.
The original compassionate conservative!

I'd say that ol' JC would fit in quite well with today's fundy crowd.

"Whatsoever you do to the least among you, so you do unto Me."

That pretty much says it all. And let's take a look at the LEAST among us these days:

Iraqi civilians

Katrina victims

Uninsured Americans who don't seek life-saving medical attention because they can't afford it

Americans who can't afford life-saving medication because of the Medicaid Drug Plan

People detained and tortured at Gitmo, Abu Ghraib, secret 'prisons' the US is running around the world

The homeless

The mentally ill who wind up in prison

The working poor

The jobless poor

(Need I REALLY go on?)

Both are right, IMHO.

:evilgrin:

PRINCE OF PEACE
> (Leon Russell-Greg Dempsey)
>
> Try and judge me by my time and changes
> And not mistaken words, for I say many.
> Listen closely to my song and watch my eyes;
> There's not much time to speak, there's hardly any.
>
> Never treat a brother like a passing stranger -
> Always try to keep the love light burning -
> Listen only to his song and watch his eyes
> For he might be the prince of peace returning.
> Yes, he might be the prince of peace returning.
>
> Love the blind and wounded as you would yourself.
> And the businessmen in cells collecting pennies -
> Judge their wealth by the coins that they give away
> And not the one they keep themselves from spending.
>
> Never be impatient with the ones who love you;
> It might be your own self that you're burning.
> Listen only to their songs and watch their eyes,
> For he might be the prince of peace returning.

"Judge their wealth by the coins that they give away ..."

My perception is that Jesus isn't the focus of the fundies.

http://www.reformation.net/ <---Coalition on Revival.

The fundies claim a Born Again status but continue to live in the old rags. They claim Christ but keep living under the Law of the Old Testament. If the fundies put their focus on Jesus, the Prince of Peace, they would no longer be the danger they are to us and the world.

have nothing in common with the Church of Jesus. If there is one theme throughout the New Testament, it is that of love...the love of God, Jesus' love of all mankind, and to live your life in love of both God and your 'neighbors'. These are the things that the original church was based on..the teachings and lifestyle of Jesus (the church of Jesus). Fundies are concentrated on the 'laws' of the Old Testament, dogma, and Dispensational premillennialism (a 'theology' that was put together in the 1840's), so they are churches about Jesus.

But you're much better at it!

Kickerooni!

I can imagine it now. "Bush, Cheney, Fawell, Robinson, Baker and all you others that have used me for your own personal gain, front and center please. I'd like a word with you"

with what is going on these days. Good article.

They are so unlike your Christ.

Man, that Ghandi guy, he was like a freakin genius or something! ;-)

Jesus lived in a time when governments were as vile and corrupt as can be imagined. Herod the Great ordered the killing of all children in Bethlehem under the age of two to protect his reign. Taxation was at the whim of local corrupt tax collectors. What did Jesus say or do about these governments? He pulled a coin out of a fish and said to give to Caesar what is Caesar's and to God what is God's. He only got angry at the money changers in the temple. These were folks who made you "pay" for the privilege of worshiping/sacrificing to God. Even Paul the Apostle stated that Christians were to obey the government as being ordained of God.

Jesus's main mission on earth was to teach that God loves us and wants to reconcile with us with the ultimate sacrifice of his life on the cross. The feeding of the hungry, the "social" work, and so on, was to facilitate the mission. It is hard to teach when your pupils are hungry. When Jesus "confronted" Matthew the tax collector, he did not rant about all corrupt tax collectors. He confronted the individual Matthew and loved him and encouraged him to go "straight". Jesus constantly confronted individuals and then selected several to follow him and learn from him so that they could continue the great commission after him.

Today, too many people emphasize the secondary issues (feeding, social work, etc.)(these are very good things) and forget the great commission (Jesus came to seek and save the lost). They also forget to confront individuals about their sin and to encourage them to go straight even as Jesus did.

When you think about it, what is more important: your place on earth or your place in God's eternity?

... but here is a prime example of how people interpret Christ and his meaning differently.

"Too many people emphasize the secondary issues (feeding, social work, etc.)" I do not see these things as 'secondary issues'; I see them as THE issues.

Although I was raised very strict Catholic, I left the church because I do not accept that Jesus died on a cross for my sins, or anyone else's. I believe that our 'sins' are our own responsibility.

So I look at the New Testament as documenting (whether accurately nor not) a legendary man who taught peace, tolerance and understanding. This, of course, is only my personal view of things. But the Gospels do not speak of a Jesus who sermonized, spent his life in preaching or prayer. He spoke from the streets, not the pulpit; he lived among the common men and women of his time, not closeted in the Temple.

To put it in the popular vernacular, "He didn't talk the talk. He walked the walk." And he taught by way of example.

If asked to summarize what the "Mission" of Christ was, whether Divine or simply mortal, I would say it was this one, all-encompassing thing: "Greater love hath no man than this, that he lay down his life for his brother." In other words, the 'Mission' is not worship of God, it is EACH OTHER. Nothing more, nothing less. (And if you want to see it in more traditional religious terms, it is our caring for each other that constitutes 'worship' of God).

As for your query: "What is more important: your place on earth or your place in God's eternity?" I believe they are one and the same. What I do with my life on this earth IS my role in God's eternity, and it is my execution of that role that matters above all else.

And here's another very relevant book you might find interesting: "The Great Transformation" by Karen Armstrong. A short review:

From Publishers Weekly
"Having already recounted "a history of God," the redoubtable Armstrong here narrates the evolution of the religious traditions of the world from their births to their maturity. In her typical magisterial fashion, she chronicles these tales in dazzling prose with remarkable depth and judicious breadth. Taking the Axial Age, which spans roughly 900 B.C.E. to 200 B.C.E., as her focal point, Armstrong examines the ways that specific religious traditions from Buddhism and Confucianism to Taoism and Judaism responded to the various cultural forces they faced during this period. Overall, Armstrong observes, violence, political disruption and religious intolerance dominated Axial Age societies, so Axial religions responded by exalting compassion, love and justice over selfishness and hatred. Thus, the central Buddhist and Jain practice of ahimsa, doing no harm, developed in India in reaction to the self-centeredness of Hindu ritual, and Hebrew prophets such as Amos proclaimed that justice and mercy toward neighbors offered the only correct way of walking with God. Accounts of the world's religions often present them as discrete entities developing apart from each other in a vacuum. Armstrong's magnificent accomplishment offers us an account of a violent time much like ours, when religious impulses in various locations developed practices of justice and love." http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0375413170/sr=1-1/qid=1150848813/ref=sr_1_1/103-9168665-7791868?%5Fencoding=UTF8&s=books

"Armstrong traces the development of the Axial Age chronologically, examining the contributions of such figures as the Buddha, Socrates, Confucius, Jeremiah, Ezekiel, the mystics of the Upanishads, Mencius, and Euripides. All of the Axial Age faiths began in principled and visceral recoil from the unprecedented violence of their time. Despite some differences of emphasis, there was a remarkable consensus in their call for an abandonment of selfishness and a spirituality of compassion. With regard to dealing with fear, despair, hatred, rage, and violence, the Axial sages gave their people and give us, Armstrong says, two important pieces of advice: first there must be personal responsibility and self-criticism, and it must be followed by practical, effective action.

In her introduction and concluding chapter, Armstrong urges us to consider how these spiritualities challenge the way we are religious today. In our various institutions, we sometimes seem to be attempting to create exactly the kind of religion that Axial sages and prophets had hoped to eliminate. We often equate faith with doctrinal conformity, but the traditions of the Axial Age were not about dogma. All insisted on the primacy of compassion even in the midst of suffering. In each Axial Age case, a disciplined revulsion from violence and hatred proved to be the major catalyst of spiritual change."

In other words, the central tenets of all the great world religions that arose in the years BCE are love and compassion and justice -- concepts that developed in reaction to the extreme violence of the times during which these religions evolved.

I would suggest a simple "word for word" reading of the Gospel of Matthew or Mark would show you specifics that Jesus actually said that would further enlighten. A lot that Jesus said is very disagreeable to us. He even stated that he was God. That would tend to make his words more significant if he were divine.

The last verses of the Book of Matthew show the final words of Jesus to his disciples. These are very enlightening.

As for here on earth or eternity, I would offer up the thief on the cross. Jesus offered him something wonderful. The book of Hebrews chapter eleven offers up the persecution of the prophets who looked forward to a heavenly country. Interpretation is not necessary for these passages. They are written as simple history.

"Interpretation is not necessary for these passages. They are written as simple history."

You accept the Gospels as 'written history'. I do not.

To accept the Bible, or any of its parts, as 'history' is a matter of faith - a faith which I do not share.

But I appreciate the faith of others, and respect it as such.

a lot of it that the Bible is reliable history. Moreover, the Bible as a book of antiquity has more manuscripts for it than any other book of antiquity.

Time and again, archaeologists have spoken up against the accuracy of the Old Testament. For example, up to 1876, scientists disputed the historicity of a people known as the Hittites in the OT because no archaeological evidence existed for them. However, in 1876, Hugo Winckler dug up a site and announced to the world concerning the existence of the Hittites.

There is much in the Bible that is plain history and thus verifiable. Many events has been verified. There are some minor disputes to be resolved but some archaeologists use the Bible as an important resource in archaeological digs. So for the history in the Bible for me, it is not a matter of faith but of knowledge based upon verified facts. Of course, there are events that can only be verified by eye witness testimony and written records. This is a matter of which witnesses are reliable and which are not. You can use internal evidence in documents to ascertain their reliability. So again, this is at a higher level than simple faith.

The Gospels were written at a time where there were thousands of witnesses to the events that were recorded. Major errors would have been repudiated by these witnesses.

So for me as a chemist and computer scientist, there is sufficient evidence for the reliability and accuracy of the Bible so that I can accept it as history. However, the religious doctrine cannot be verified this side of heaven, so I have to accept that by faith.

I've always said that as an atheist and a liberal, I'm a much better Christian than a lot of those who purport to be...

Nicely done post!

Fundies worship the dead Jesus, not the living Christ. To them, Jesus came for one purpose--to die on the cross for their sins and provide them with their very own get out of hell free card. (but they are the only ones to get them because Jesus is THEIR personal savior!!!) All that stuff about loving one another and doing for the least of them--just gets in the way of the big picture, personal salvation. (and it's kind of hard to do--much more fun to judge others and decide who ELSE gets to go to heaven with you)

They take their teeny-weeny minds into the very complex and often contradictory Bible and find really abhorrent verses, quote them out of context, and base all of their faith teachings on them. (It really is time to give Leviticus a rest.)

Thank you so much for taking many of the thoughts I've been wrestling with and saying them so incredibly well.

:thumbsup:

nt

But we all know that the bible lies about Mary Magdalene, and I've long suspected (just based on what I've read, that Judas was doing as he was asked and actually DIDN'T betray Christ). As it turns out, I may have been right all along. Go figure. ;)

So let's leave those two out of the equation for the moment.

It's pretty obvious that the Fundies have more in common with those who originally crucified Christ than the legacy he wanted to leave behind. And that's no joke.

Jesus. Liberals would line up behind him. The fundies would crucify him again in a heartbeat.

It's as simple as that.

... in the context of "popular belief", or the accepted folklore.

But viewed in today's terms, Jesus would be considered your classic liberal, and his views would be very much aligned with the Democratic party as opposed to the GOP.

And he'd probably be a regular DU poster, with EVERY discussion thread he started winding up on Greatest Page, day-in, day-out. Most Viewed Journal, all the time. Adding his two-cents to the 'caption this' photo threads BEFORE they were even posted; commenting on every Reply that started with "Jesus F%&ing Christ" with a "Hey, I HEARD THAT" post BEFORE you could hit the "Post Message" button ...

but aligned with the Democratic Party? Not so sure. At least not the way the game's been played out recently. Jesus did't duck and cover when things got hot. He definitely showed the difference between a pacifist and a coward... ;)

I had to LOL at the rest of it though.

As far as popular folklore goes--leave it to me to wonder about the Mary Magdalene and Judas stuff from a comparatively early age. I KNEW they were bullshitting me, I just wasn't sure how.

I read the Da Vinci Code yesterday and had to check out Da Vinci's Last Supper painting. After reading it, I can understand why so many people were so upset by it. VERY interesting indeed.

Fiction, sure. But I don't think much of the historical stuff was.

I should have said He'd be aligned with Democrats (rather than the Party) which seem to be two different things, unfortunately, too often than not!

I LOVED the da Vinci code -- read it a while ago, and as a novel, thought it was a well-told tale.

Here's my take on the so-called 'controversy':

The Catholic Church (and other 'religious' groups) have opposed the book and the movie on the basis that it might 'shake the faith' of Christian believers.

My response to that is: If your faith in your religion is shaken by a novel or a film, how strong WAS that faith to begin with?

I would take it a step further: Suppose you are a true Christian, who has based your religious beliefs, and the conduct of your life, on the teachings of Christ. Now suppose that you find out he was not Divine, but mortal; he was not the Son of God, but a mortal born of a woman in the natural way. He did not die for your salvation, but lived, was married, had children, and died in the natural course.

If you truly BELIEVE in the guiding principles of his teachings, how are they diminished by his being mortal rather than divine?

If you honestly embrace his words, how are those words lessened by being spoken by a man, not a god?

If Jesus was mere man and not the Son of the Creator, would you not see the hand of Divine Providence in the fact that such a MAN existed, a MAN whose message survived for thousands of years and whose example still inspires centuries after his death?

I am not a Christian, nor do I believe that Jesus was divine. But I do believe that there is a higher Being, and I stand in awe of his ability to touch our souls through his inspiration of our fellow human beings, who in turn inspire US to love one another.

IMHO, THAT is the message. Over and out.

Almost all of Earth's major religions boil down to one suggestion. "Don't be an asshole."

And the simple fact is that our quality of life has a lot more to do with how we get along with our neighbors than how we get along with a transcendent deity. IMO.

Makes it sound pretty simple, doesn't it?

And I'm not a Christian either. I consider myself a pantheist/humanist.

The modern conservative/fundie churches have become that which Jesus wished to overthrow: a corrupt, oppressive occupier. They are the new Romans. Jesus would be no more welcome in their churches than he was in the Roman-co-opted Temple.

(I ran across this article several days ago and saved it to my computer. To find the original, one may need to go to their archives. It is a good read.)

http://www.counterpunch.org
June 14, 2006

Jesus, Political Insurgent?

Decoding the Coders of Christ

By Rev. WILLIAM E. ALBERTS

The real conspiracy surrounding Jesus is not the cover-up of his marriage to Mary Magdalene, but his theological transformation into the "bridegroom" of the Christian Church (Mark 2: 18-22). Jesus was a Jew not a Christian. He was not about dying so that believers everywhere could inherit eternal life, but about liberating the Jews in his land from Roman occupation. His crucifixion was not about resurrecting the dead but about reviving the living. His sacrifice was not about heaven or hell for all people in the future, but about release and renewal for the Jewish people in this life. The great conspiracy is the early Christian Church turning his model of liberation from an oppressive state into one of accommodation to the state.

It is safer today, as in the past, to believe that Jesus died for the sins of the world than to join in seeking to rid the world of political, corporate and military sins that deny other people their birthright of freedom and fulfillment. Safer because many Christian denominations have allowed themselves to be integrated into and "blessed" and co-opted by the ruling status quo. The real deception of traditional Christianity is its reinterpretation of salvation as an individual matter, apart from institutionalized political and economic realities that greatly determine who, in the gospel words of Jesus, may actually "have life, and have it in its fullest." (John 10:10)

Ironically, Jesus himself seems to be the greatest threat to Christian Churches: his risky model of intervention-of speaking truth to power structures and acting it out-on behalf of oppressed persons. This risk appears to partly underlie institutionalized Christianity's most deceptive conspiracy: that of immortalizing Jesus in order to immobilize his dangerous model of liberation. The threat his cross poses as a model is removed by turning it into a monument and worshiping it. Vicarious identification with his struggle may be substituted for involvement in similar, hazardous ethical struggles today. Here the power is in the prayer. The stature is in the statue. The right is in the rite.

The personal appeal of saving one's own soul for all eternity replaces the more caring and challenging commandment to love one's neighbor as oneself. A gospel of personal redemption may also protect one from seeing how one's own institutionalized blessings may be another's curse-gained at another's expense.

-snip-

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