What we can expect if Kerry wins in '08...

(Aside from flying pigs and a blizzard in Hell, that is)

• Nov 5th, 2008: Any Senate or House candidates who lost their seats due to election fraud are quietly pressured to drop any protests, lest they look like sore losers. This happens even though it means losing control of both houses of congress.


• Jan 20th, 2009: In his inaugural address, President Kerry calls for bipartisanship and cooperation with the GOP. He immediately announces his support for an anti-gay marriage amendment, and says he is "studying" the effectiveness of prayer in schools.


• Jan 21st, 2009: President Kerry issues pardons to ALL Bush Admin officials accused of crimes while in office. He refuses European and U.N. calls to investigate war crimes or to extradite offenders to the Hague. He does this, of course, in the cause of national unity and healing.


• Mar 28th, 2009: President Kerry is himself accused of war crimes during his service in Vietnam. He ignores these accusations because they are clearly bogus.


• Jun 5th, 2009: With the Iraq War still raging, Kerry calls for a drawdown of 100,000 troops starting in 6 months. The Republicans counter by calling for an additional 100,000 troops in the next 6 months. Kerry compromises by agreeing to drawdown zero troops, but to do it within three months. Everybody's happy.


• Jul-Dec, 2009: NAFTA, CAFTA, for-profit health insurance, the bankruptcy bill and crushing wage inequities continue unabated, since fighting against them may damage President Kerry's re-election bid. Progressive Democrats who object to this are politely asked to sit down and shut up.


• Jan 19th, 2010: President Kerry is accused of war crimes during his service in the Senate. He ignores these accusations because they are clearly bogus. Meanwhile, Richard Mellon Scaife begins buying up strips of local tv time for purported "infomercials".


• Apr 10th, 2010: Al Gore is quietly asked to stop campaigning against global warming. Kerry 2012 workers start buying up all copies of "An Inconvenient Truth". Meanwhile, President Kerry announces an initiative for a 1% increase in CAFE standards over the next 20 years. After pressure from Congressional GOP members and industry lobbyists, Kerry agrees to make the increases optional.


• May 24th, 2010: "The Passion of the Swift Boaters" opens nationwide. John Kerry -- played by an aging Pauly Shore -- is depicted as living on a strict diet of dead Cambodian children. Kerry ignores these accusations because they are clearly bogus. Congressional Republicans begin quietly drawing up articles of impeachment.


• Jul 4th, 2010: In an Independence Day speech, President Kerry attempts to tell a joke about puppies, but instead says "Die you American Devils" while waving the North Korean flag. Presidential speechwriters beg Kerry to give up further attempts at comedy.


• Nov 2nd, 2010: Republicans score a sweeping victory in the mid-terms, holding both houses of Congress and gaining a 2/3rd majority in the Senate. President Kerry congratulates them on their victory and says he hopes they will continue to work with him in the spirit of bi-partisanship. Several Republicans are hospitalized for what is reported to be "excessive laughter".


• Jan 3rd, 2011: The 112th Congress convenes.


• Jan 3rd, 2011, two minutes after midnight: John Kerry is impeached by the House of Representatives for the murder of Vince Foster. He is immediately convicted in the Senate and removed from office. For good measure, Vice President Obama is also removed.


• Jan 4th, 2011: House Speaker Richard Pombo, re-elected in 2010, is sworn in as the 45th President of the United States. He immediately appoints James Inhofe as his vice-president.


• Mar 13th, 2011: John Kerry forms an exploratory committee to consider a run for the presidency in 2012. 84 threads are started on Democratic Underground in favor of his candidacy and flaming anyone who disagrees.

He has solid ratings from all progressive groups for votes on the Senate floor.

Why insult him with such venom?

What if he becomes the presidential nominee? Will you vote republican?

This is a smear worthy of the swift boat vets.

and this poster has to make FALSE PRESUMPTIONS to reach far enough to SMEAR him.

Guess someone has decided to fight against the anti-corruption, open government wing of the Democratic party that has been led for 35 years by the actions of John Kerry.

I am so SICK and disgusted by the COVERUP wing of the Democratic party who constantly attacks those serious about government corruption.

The efforts put forth againt Kerry by the coverup gang who want to prevent the opening of the books that will hurt alot of past lawmakers is telling in an of itself.

Did they lose money when BCCI was closed, or something?

I am a published novelist--I write fiction for a living. But even I could not come up with something so fantastically creative and utterly divorced from anything resembling reality. This is really amazing work. :)

Wasn't an original, but pretty stupid: here.

I was being graciously sarcastic. But it was amusing, though I'm not sure what entertained me more--the ridiculousness of the post itself, or getting to snark about it. :D

I think Kerry would be a lousy candidate and a lousy President. You take quite a bit of artistic license, but I think it works.

:)

But some of what you write is clever.

I've heard that he often visits here, maybe he's posting now as well?

What makes you think Hillary, who has probably known the score since the first attempt in '93 but hasn't said a peep, would do any better?

Or anyone else? Kerry has fought these guys before. Nobody else seems to have the stomach for it.

It's perfectly possible to offer substantive criticism of a potential Kerry run without stooping to this kind of shit. You only end up making your case look weak.

to those of us still stinging from that lightening quick concession after working our guts out (in spite of being less than thrilled with the candidate), well, it was also fun to read.

Julie

anyone but revisionists.

the last time there'd been questionable voting issues it was contested for about a month.

Sorry BLM but I will always be sore about that. I hadn't yet to begin to recovery from the election effort, votes weren't even done being counted and out came that sickening speech (I'd wager your perspective has it more as "brilliant" or something~we see Kerry through much different lenses) from the candidate I'd hauled ass full time for that I hadn't really believed in in the first place.

I "fell in line" like a good soldier and regret it. Say whatever you like, there are many, many more who feel just like I do about it.

Julie

a legal case to make, told Kerry there was no legal case to make in court to extend the process. Gore had ALL the math in his corner to continue - Kerry had all the math against him.

So, you either HAVE proof that legal evidence was there to stop a concession, or you don't and choose to revise what happened that day.

And if you want to make the case that Gore would NOT Have conceded if he had the same math that Kerry had, please do so. And try to make the case that Kerry would have conceded if he HAD The math that Gore did. Only THEN could you begin to honestly compare the two.

post it at Freeperville. You'll be an instant hero among the wingnuts!

... you've managed to be as over-the-top as the rah-rah Kerry-is-god contingent here. Only in the opposite direction :)

This would not be acceptable if it were anyone other than Kerry. It is NOT funny and it repeats every RW lie about Kerry, especially the idea that he flip flops - when in fact he is someone who has repeatedly stood for what he believes.

He has been the most persistant person in suggesting how we should leave Iraq.

He has been a strong environmental advocate from the 70s - Al Gore was not the only person on this. By the way, Kerry has recommended Gore's film in his Faneuil Hall speech and in an email to his list.

He voted against CAFTA and wrote an amendment that the AFL-CIO backed that dealt with the labor and environmental issues - it lost 10/10 in committee.

He was the Senator who has demanded that the Intelligence Committee do the promised WMD part 2 report and mentioned the DSM as showing that Bush lied us into war. Maybe you should look at the names of the 11 Senators who signed it. (Hint: Hillary didn't) If there is ANY Senator I trust to insist this be investigated it is Kerry. It is clear that he takes being lied to on the most serious issue possible as an extremely serious non compromisable issue. (He was the Senator who pursued BCCI because it was the right thing to do.)

I bet the Freeps would love this thread you started. Put down the pipe and take that thumb out of your mouth.

Your stabs at Kerry are classic Repig tactics. You make stuff up, convince yourself of the lies and then spin further on the lies until it becomes gibberish.

Congratulations!

What a surprise.

I couldn't possibly say enough bad things about this piece of shit post- and no I'm not in the Kerry camp.

Petty, lying, flamebait, counterproductive, etc., etc.

Flame Bait.