Pleeze, Mr. Prezident, Let Me Help

Dearest Prezident Bush:

Let me start by saying I have been your biggest fan and supporter from the minute you stepped into the Oval Office after those Supreme Court fellas told you it was okay for you to be the prezident even though you didn’t win it fair and square.

It hurts my heart to see the trouble you seem to be having of late with your war and all, and I thought I might help you out with a few suggestions that I think are good and smart, and based on the common sense the Good Lord give us all.

Firstly, I see you are always having a hard time convincing those congress people to give you the money that you need to keep killing people in Irak for world peace and the good of us all.

Now, I don’t think I’m telling tales out of school when I say that a lot of money seems to have gone missin’ during this wartime, and maybe that’s as good a place to start as any.

So my idea is to meet the congress half-way by finding all that money what’s gone missin’ and then asking if they’ll match it, dollar-for-dollar, so you can get on with what you need to do. If you brought it in cash and showed it to them, they couldn’t very well say you wasn’t being a honest man – which I know they say about you all the time anyways. Besides, it could be one of those bypartison efforts I hear you should be doin’ but never done yet, so here’s a good chance to make it look like your interested.

Another idea is to have one of those telethons on the TV, like Jerry Lewis does every year for those cripple kids who some of them don’t have no health insurance and need a bit of helpin’ out.

You could go right there on the television set and show people the pictures from Irak that the librul media won’t show us – you know, the ones of all the happy people, and how good things are going there.

I just know that once Americans see the evidence of all the wonderful stuff what’s been happening, they will open their wallets and send you more money than you can possibly lose, no matter how careless you tend to get with cash once its in your pocket.

Now, I don’t want to be seen as putting my nose in where it don’t belong when it comes to your personal business – and if it’s none of my beeswax, you can just say so – but it seems to me that those oil people you are good friends with are making a pretty penny these days. And being as they are the ones what’s going to profit from all that oil you went all the way to Irak to get them, you might ask them to pony up some money to keep this war going for ya. Just sayin’ – it seems fair to me they should back you up when you need a lil’ extree in that cookie jar they got their hands in up to their elbows.

I have one other idea to solve a current problem what’s reared its ugly head of late, and that’s these diplomats that don’t want to go to Irak and work cause they think its too dangerous even after we all know the serge made everything a hundered percent safe now.

I say let the sissies stay home while you send those boys who tole you from the get-go about how good this whole thing would work out. I have seen that Billy Kristol boy on TV and he sure seems to know what’s what, along with that Wolfowitch guy who could probly use the paycheck since he got fired from being a teller at that big bank a ways back.

I can’t remember all there names, but I am sure you know the ones I mean. Who would be better’n them to go over there and show everybody how they ain’t afeared to be in Irak, cause all the fine stuff they said would happen has now come to pass right in front of everyones eyes?

Once those boys get over there and everyone sees all the flowers and candy what gets thrown at them by the very people they made all those plans to liburate, I can betchya those sissies who turned down the job will be cryin’ like babies at not going to get what was coming to them when they had the chance.

The nother thing that seems to be upsetting you of late is all these investigations those Democrats are holding, and the time what gets wasted with it.

I don’t understand why you can’t just give ‘em the stuff their asking for, cause you know and I know there aint nothing there what’s wrong or unchristian, so let them look at those papers you got and be done with it.

I remember you sayin’, when Sadim Hoosein wouldn’t let the inspectors into his country, that “a innocent man has nothing to hide”. Well, maybe its time for you to take your own good advice, cause it’s the only way these people are gonna be proved that you didn’t do nothing wrong.

Well, I have rambled on. But I just wanted you to know that their are still people out hear like myself, who believe in you and every word you speek, even at those many times we can’t really understand what your saying.

I also realize that I'm plain uneducated folk just like yerself, and don't always know stuff like why you can't capture that Osama fella right smack-dab in the middle of making one of his movies your always showin', or how me gettin' shopping is gonna make the country safe as anything from those Muslin folk who will be at the mall when I get there.

Thing is we all want you to secede in your plans to make our country safe from evil-doers who send anthrax in the mail, and try to bring baby formula on planes that could end up blowing us all six ways to Sunday somehow (I won’t press on asking how that last one works, cause I know a high confidential secret is probably involved here).

Anyways, may the Good Lord give you everything you deserve – and then some, just for good measure.

Yours Most Truly,
Mrs. J.Q. Republican
Proud 26-Percenter ... 25-Percenter ... 24-Percenter!

... and I guess it shows.

and here I thunk you was reading over Hannitty's sholdder while hes righting to the preznidet!

P.S. -- One of Boudelang's spooks lives in my town and writes letters to the editor, replete with the requisite misuse of there, their and they're. Fingernail, meet Blackboard!

so stop thinking that!

he iz a grate american hero! He protected us from godless commies coming in over the gulf of mexico, till he got called up higher to help a republican lose an election. We all know that his records have been doctored by the crazed liberals to make it look like he ran away, but he is a great american hero...he has steel ballz, he is a MAN's man. He would go and fight in Irak, but then the country would be out a great hero while he was there. He could walk on water if there were a reezon to do it.

president bush has the strength of 10 men, and his wife did not "marry" a turkey baster and have them two luciouos dawters, and even if she did, well nevermind.



(God, it is hard to write like that...:D )

Tear out the pages, roll them up and smoke 'em. While watching O'Reilly reruns. Backwards. In black and white, of course.

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

:rofl:

:spray: :rofl:

I always wondered if a "word processor" was anything like a "food processor": grind 'em up in bitty pieces and mix well (I used to own a computer like that).

And pictured "deconstructionists" as operating a literary back-hoe. Blam! There goes Dickens. Bring in heavier equipment: we're tackling Tolstoy next.

The Iraq War has most likely made many, many Bush cronies very rich. I'm interested in what thievery Bush has done under our very noses. I'd love a breakdown of the improvements done to the Crawford Ranch, and who paid for each and every one of them. I understand that it's a virtual self supported city.

Someone has slipped Koolaid into her travel mug, or maybe Homeland Security has replaced her.

Oh, wait, could she be using satire, our Nance? :toast:
Late night comedians in need of writers, take notice.


--Recommended--

Replacing striking workers? Not our Nance. Shame on you for even suggesting that.

K&R#5

:thumbsup:

over at freep republic under a pseudonym and see how many freepers we can get to agree...:rofl:

This is a lulu!

That was friggin hilarious. Who knew you could also write such good comedy, Nance? Thanks a million for my Sunday morning belly laugh. You hit this one out of the park!!!!!!!!!!!

Lord amighty. Glad to hear someone else don't pay no never mind to those tree huggin librul bleedin hearts. Our prezidint has been talkin to the Lord and doin what hes been told. Things are workin like the Bible says and I'm jes pleazed as pink preparin to be raptured up.

... home to the Lord in that Final Blessin'.

That being the case, would you mind leavin' me your valuables? Is that not the Christian thing to do?

:rofl:

and gawd sayve Prez Boosh to!!!11!!