California to Secede

Dear President Bush:

Congratulations on your victory over all us non-evangelicals. Actually, we're a bit ticked off here in California, so we're leaving. California will now be its own country. And we're taking all the Blue States with us. In case you are not aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, and all of the Northeast.

We spoke to God, and she agrees that this split will be beneficial to almost everybody, and especially to us in the new country of California. In fact, God is so excited about it, she's going to shift the whole country at 4:30pm EST Jan 19. Therefore, please let everyone know they need to be back in their states by then. So you get Texas and all the former slave states. We get the Governator, stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Eliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay. (Okay, we have to keep Martha Stewart, we can live with that.) We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Opryland. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard, you get Ole Miss. We get 85% of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get all of the technological innovation in Alabama. We get about two-thirds of the tax revenue, and you get to make the red states pay their fair share. Since our divorce rate is 22% lower than the Christian coalitions, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms to support, and we know how much you like that.

Did I mention we produce about 70% of the nations veggies? But heck, the only greens the Bible thumpers eat are the pickles on their Big Macs. Oh, yeah, another thing, don't plan on serving California wine at your state dinners. From now on its imported French wine for you. Ouch, bet that hurts.

Just so we're clear, the country of California will be pro-choice and anti-war. Speaking of war, we're going to want all Blue States citizens back fom Iraq. If you need people to fight, just ask your evangelicals. They have tons of kids they're willing to send to their deaths for absolutely no purpose. And they don't care if you don't show pictures of their kids' caskets coming home.

Anyway, we wish you all the best in the next four years and we hope, really hope, you find those missing weapons of mass destruction. Seriously. Soon.

Sincerely,

California

:evilgrin:

I thought i've read this like 5 times already

it's new to me

I won't miss you, I'm going home................

Just today, the R controlled Senate disregarded the Constitution, the Board of Elections, and a court order and seated Dana Seum Stephenson for the 05 Senate. She, daughter of sitting senator who switched from D to R in 2000 to give the Repubs the first R majority in the senate EVER, won her election by 1,000 votes only to be disqualified because she did not meet the constitutional residency requirements. Not sure yet if there will a court challenge...it's a mess! I don't belong here...

I'm listening to a Dire Straits CD at work because NPR keeps reporting on the senate hate-fest.
I hate everything

good riddance.

Any any of those horrible Fundamentalist Radical Clerics like Falwell, Robertson, Dobson, etc in free areas of the union or all they all in The Theocratic Red States?

witty and cool:hi:

I think a few ads showing what a liar he is might do the trick. He lies all the time - big whopppers.

to the people, I mean, since we're starting fresh and all.