I hope this is ok to post here, i could use some advice.

Hi all, maybe you can help me to help 2 of my friends, last week 2 of them came over and we were talking about various things when it turned to religion, my friend Donna is a lapsed Mormon and my friend Sharon is catholic and i am a agnostic bordering on atheist and i did not instigate or engage in the conversation until the end when i asked them maybe if they could just agree to disagree

The discussion turned heated over Mary and things went downhill rapidly, my friend Donna called me and told me she's angry with Sharon who imo was pretty reasonable but Donna is just pissed so what i thought was i would buy each of them a book about the others religion and see maybe if it could help them to understands each others faith and position a little better. Good idea or bad idea? And could any of you recommend a good book on either religion?

These women are both my dear friends and i cannot stand for them to end their friendship over this.

Please and thank you.

I'd get a book that described many different faiths, and suggest they read it all. Perhaps reading about Unitarianism, Bahai, Buddhism, Hinduism, etc, would allow them to see that there are many different ways of thinking about spirituality.

and also, "the cosmic great mother" by monica sjoo. that should make things interesting.

different faiths are able to respect or tolerate the other's beliefs--if they want to start a rumble over some theological sticking point, to the point where it affects their friendship, then perhaps they ought not be encouraged to be friends--anyway, it's probably more than just religion that's getting in the way, IMO. That may just be an excuse to expose some resentments or hidden ugly feelings. Preserve your friendship with each of them, and don't get drawn into taking sides, but let them deal with it, or not, as they please. I'm not usually on this forum, just like to throw my .2 in. Good luck!

not ruin their friendship.

differences wouldn't even come up beyond the superficial (unless it was a very close, honest and safe relationship where you can get all philosophical, like in college), out of a fear of hurting each other's feelings or alienating each other. Is it possible they just aren't that into being friends, and you've been the glue that holds them together? I've had "friends" that I only saw with other friends. I have no idea, just throwing it out there.

we have several get to gethers every year and we go out for dinner a few times a month and generally just enjoy each others company.

in my various friendship circles in life decided to wreck it or get oversensitive over a perceived slight. I don't have much in the way of an answer, although I don't suspect that trying to delve more deeply into theology is going to be helpful--this is personal friction and hurt feelings, to me, not "let's explore the role of the Virgin Mary throughout history", or whatever. Someone got her feathers ruffled, and someone did the ruffling, and it's up to them to call each other and patch it up. They may not want to, in the end, but good luck--I hope they can get over it.

My grandmother, like a lot of Protestants in her generation, was highly prejudiced against Catholics. Yet her oldest and dearest friend was devoutly Catholic. My grandmother would sometimes roll her eyes when her friend talked about praying to some saint or not eating meat on Friday, but their friendship lasted 70 years.

If they were really friends, the religious differences wouldn't matter.

It might just blow over on its own. If things haven't gotten better relatively soon, maybe you can try to patch things up. First thing though, you have to make sure why each is angry at the other.

On an unrelated note, who is that in your avatar?

:D

The picture was a little distorted to make out who it was, too!

I re-avatar'ed it for you, if you want to use it:

could resize this for me, my photoshop is broken i really want this pic as avatar? Oh please, please please and thank you.

You could all read it and discuss it afterwards. It's a very interesting, thought-provoking book about why humans are religious.

as well.

I like Robert Grave's The White Goddess, and Barbara G. Walker's The Woman's Dictionary of Symbols and Sacred Objects.

It sounds like they're arguing without any background in religious history or it wouldn't have been so rancorous.

seem like a bit of an attack. Ya know, people just shouldn't fucking GO THERE--you don't talk politics or religion unless you both agree, or are both thick-skinned enough to disagree.

And they're adults? Yikes.

and me clinching in the middle trying to mediate it.

Not as lapsed as she thought, I guess.

and if this is all that it takes to end it, it was on shaky ground to begin with.

I'd wait until and unless I were asked for help, and then I'd suggest the books. Otherwise, I'd butt out and let them settle it to avoid being caught in the middle.

You could end up with two friends you see separately or two friends you never see any more.

There is no problem (except maybe one that is venereal in nature) that strippers can't solve.

Not that your friends are dummies or anything but these books are usually good introduction to any topic. They are easy read and good reference. But perhaps they will use it to find flaws and attack each other so it might backfire. :-)

After that, did they start in on the angels on the head of a pin thing? Because I know the answer to that one!

(PS: on a slightly more helpful note, I don't think giving the mormon a book that explains from a catholic POV the church's position on the BVM is going to help. Catholic Marian devotion is derived from western european goddess worship, and there's no getting around that. And telling the catholic about J Smith's life is not going to help her respect mormonism any. Try to stay out of it if you can.)

regarding Mary's role in religion?

You are right. It's not worth ending a friendship over. Agree to disagree.