I've Run into a Slight Religious Dilemma at Work (Advice Requested)

First a little background information: I work the front desk at a medium-sized local hotel, the owners/managers are a first generation immigrant couple from India, and practicing Sikhs. By practicing, I mean they have a little station set up near the back-office, where they burn incense and quietly pray to their Guru for a few minutes each day during normal work hours. I have no problem with this -- the incense smells nice, and they never try to force their religious views on any of their employees. It's their business, so they can pretty much do as they please, no problem. Almost all of their employees come from different faith traditions, from the Hispanic Catholic housekeepers to a Muslim Iraqi immigrant night auditor to a Mormon morning shift front desk agent, to the rest of us who are less than religious and don't mind working Sundays. They are tolerant of all our diverse backgrounds, and for the most part religion never gets discussed in the workplace, as it probably should be.

Well, the owners have three children: a 14-year-old boy, an 11-year-old girl, and an infant, and often times the mother will pick the older kids up after school and bring all three to the hotel where they either go watch T.V. in an empty room or mess around on the business center or back-office computer, surfing the Internet or playing games, or doing their home-work in the lobby, while the mother folds laundry in back. Normally the front desk person doesn't interact with the children, except maybe to spin the toddler around in the swivel chair to settle him down when he's being particularly obnoxious.

But just this past week, the 14-year-old son was working on a PowerPoint presentation for school on the back-office computer, and asked me for some assistance, knowing I was pretty computer savvy, having helped set up the business center computer and having got rid of a nasty fake anti-virus mal-ware program that took our main front desk computer hostage due to someone downloading an ActiveX control in Internet Explorer that they shouldn't have. So it was no big deal.

Well, it turned out his school project was all about Christian hip-hop music, with an emphasis on certain lyrics and what they meant to believers. We got to talking a little bit, and it soon came apparent that he took an acute interest in this, and was really quite fascinated by the whole phenomenon. He explained how some kids from school introduced him to that genre of music, and how he liked the "flow" of the tunes. I asked him if he thought there was any truth to any of the lyrics? His response: maybe. I asked him why he didn't choose to do his presentation on any of the many native Punjabi/Sikh tunes, quite a few of which he had ripped from his iPod to the back-office computer. He just shrugged. I made the off-hand comment that he should never feel ashamed or afraid to share his own faith tradition, especially if other kids were pushing their Christian bias onto him. He nodded, but I could tell he was really struggling with the concept.

And herein lies the dilemma... if the topic comes up again at work, should I share with him my own personal experience, observations, and reservations about Christianity? Or should I just let the cards fall where they may? It's clear he's being pressured by other kids at his school and very badly just wants to fit in, but it really pisses me off to see the majority faith spreading this way. I don't think his parents are quite aware about his dabblings with Christianity, and I doubt they'd object if I gave him any reason to abandon such urges and stick with his native Sikh traditions. Of course, it's quite possible that I could inadvertently plant that seed of doubt, and he could end up becoming an agnostic or (gasp!) atheist in no small part due to my meddling.

Should I just play it safe and keep my distance from this whole situation (like with a 10-foot-pole) and just let his soul end up where it may? Or should I share my views with him if he brings up the subject again? He obviously values my input, I just wish I wasn't in this prickly position in the first place. I'd just hate for evangelical Christianity to claim yet another innocent victim, if I had every opportunity to stop it. I mean, I strongly feel we need more religious diversity in this country, not less, and I'd hate for him to grow up to become a fundie or something, if I could have possibly put a damper on such silliness and nipped it in the bud.

Oh whatever should I do?

...on the topic of spirituality, or lack thereof. And to do that legitimately, one needs to be exposed to lots of different ideas and viewpoints. Eventually we will select the one (or the elements of several) that suit us best. And of course those viewpoints can change over the course of a lifetime.

I think you're right to worry about peer pressure affecting the kid, but my advice would be to make it clear to him that you're open for discussion of the topic with him *if he wants to*, and then leave it at that. I'd not bring it up again unless he approaches you first. I think you've already done a good thing by pointing out that he's not obligated to believe as others do, whether those others are his family or his friends at school.

If he's dabbling in other religions, that's his parents' cross to bear...if you'll pardon the expression.

:headbang:
rocktivity

but feeling that he can't talk about HIS religious beliefs at school.

a fourteen-year-old. He wants to find ways to distance himself from his parents and show that he is becoming an independent adult. Many kids of this age try on different belief systems.

Also, he has the cultural divide in his life. He needs to show that he is more American than his parents.

This may be a passing thing. I would keep a distance for awhile. If you notice anything really alarming, alert his parents. If his family is close-knit enough, they will find a way to deal with it. In a few years, he will get to make his own choice, regardless of peers or parents.

You sound like a good person. Stay out of it for now.

Fourteen year olds often start to examine other faiths, other philosophies, other ideas than the ones that their parents "forced" upon them.

It might actually make more sense to just address this fact with the young man, letting him know that the teen age years are often a time when it is difficult to not object to family traditions and practices. But once a person is an adult, they usually see that they weren't being "forced" to embrace this way or that, in terms of religion, but were being taught what the parents had adopted for themselves.

First, you are an employee and discussing religion at all with the kids of your employer could cause a problem if they are not ok with it.

Secondly, it is really up to the parents to discuss religious issues with their kid at this age. If he has questions, answer them politely, but you walk a very fine line stepping on his parents toes currently, which could cause a problem culturally/and because you are their employer.

Thirdly, just because you disagree with Christianity doesn't mean Christianity is bad. You have your opinion just like his friends at school have theirs and his parents have theirs. Your opinion is no more valid or correct than anyone else's, though you do seem heavily biased against Christianity so it seems like where would be no room for a reasonable discussion if he has questions or concerns.

Thirdly, just because you disagree with Christianity doesn't mean Christianity is bad.

Thats YOUR opinion, not a statement of fact.

Your opinion is no more valid or correct than anyone else's

Again, thats YOUR opinion, not a statement of fact.

though you do seem heavily biased against Christianity so it seems like where would be no room for a reasonable discussion if he has questions or concerns.

Not only YOUR opinion, again, but you display YOUR bias.



Your entire last paragraph is a dismissal of the posters ideology, and an insult to the posters intelligence, and has no bearing on whether he should or should not interact with his employers child.

You should have stopped at #2, you were doing so well.

an atheist to be prosthyletizing the kids. Bound to be well received.

What the fuck, man?


You are so blinded by your hate, you can no longer even be honest.

your default retort when you have no other response. One only needs to take a look at your many threads to understand what is really going on here.

Isn't there a commandment against that in your teaching somewhere?

"prosthyletizing the kids".

Keep putting more make-up on clown.

Man, you and humblebum just like to make shit up.


So blinded by your hate that you cannot even recognize when someone is trying to agree with you.


I should have known better.

I learned the hard way, and I'm not just talking about religion...you do NOT get into personal stuff with the boss's family. Be friendly, be polite, be engaged, but do not be anything other than a professional who works for them.

Why? Well, think about your family. Do you fight with your family? Have you EVER fought with your family? Usually, the answer is "yes." When bosses begin thinking of their employees as "one big family," you get the good and the bad that goes along with it, and that doesn't need to be in the workplace.

I applaud what you said to the kid, but really, don't push into this.

lol You already know the answer to your own question.

other than to say hello and goodbye.

It's nice you're helping him with the project but your input should be only with the technical aspects of his project - not with its content.

He's a minor. He's the son of your employer. It goes without saying that you should not be giving him unsolicited advice or attempting to influence him with your opinion on sensitive topics without the consent of his parents. ESPECIALLY on religion. Add politics to that, too. And sex. And most everything else.

Respect their privacy and keep your job safe. The kid has parents; trust in their judgement to raise him.

I guess I'll just do my best to avoid the subject in the future if it ever comes up. (I'd never bring it up myself in the first place, obviously...) If he asks my opinion, I'll just politely tell him that it isn't my place to advise on such matters.

I suppose its his religious journey to make anyway, wherever it may end up.

who dabbled in Christianity when they were in that terrible middle school through high school enforced conformity period of their lives. Most of them wisely discarded it when they got to college or got out in the world and conformity didn't mean so much any more.

Just tell him the truth, that you can help him set up the computer but you're probably not going to be the one to tell him what he needs to know about Christianity. Punt, in other words.

What happens now isn't likely to have that lasting an effect. Probably the most the Christian kids can expect from him is lip service.

Firstly, you don't want to get into tense situations with your boss or colleagues if that can be avoided. Secondly, it is ultimately up to the boy and his family and they may well resent any outside interference, just as they might if it was a case of the boy's choice of girlfriend, career plans, or even hobbies. Also, many youngsters get interested in exploring all kinds of religious and spiritual matters, which may have anything or nothing to do with their beliefs as an adult. This boy is already aware of religious diversity, so it is not as though he needs to be made aware of the fact that not everyone has his friends' beliefs.

It's likely that he is somewhat caught between the cultural backgrounds of his parents and his adolescent contemporaries, and is trying to deal with these conflicts. If this is the case, it's probably best for you not to get involved.

your feel compelled to show the kid what you think is right but you dont want to overstep your place as an employee. I personally would answer the kids questions but I dont think thats necessarily the smartest thing to do in this case. So, Id go with the other posters' advice and just politely demure. Good luck.

Don't proselytize other people's children.

It's not like I'd go out of my way to try to convert him completely over to my point of view or anything, just share my reasons why he might want to reconsider taking Christianity very seriously, not challenging his family's faith or anything.

But your point is taken -- I mean, how would I feel if instead of me it had been the Mormon front desk worker, and he used the opportunity to preach to the kid? That obviously wouldn't be very kosher either.

So yeah, I'm just going to back off and try to avoid the issue, even if he goes out of his way to ask me my opinion on the matter. Hopefully he never brings it up again.

I think you've found a balanced and correct approach.