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Until they go to church, and hear about an invisible man who died a bloody, horrible, violent death at the hands of conservatives, and then about him and his daddy and virgin momma ("what's a 'virgin', Mommy?") and Casper the Friendly Ghost, and about how god "loves" them, but if they do ANYTHING to piss him off he won't hesitate to THROW THEM INTO THE LAKE OF FIRE, WHERE THEY'LL BURN FOREVER AND EVER, AMEN, but he LOVES them unconditionally as long as they do EXACTLY WHAT HE SAYS. Which includes DRINKING HIS BLOOD AND EATING THE FLESH OF HIS BODY. AND NOT EVER, EVER SPITTING IT OUT OR THROWING UP, CUZ THAT WOULD PISS HIM OFF SUPER, SUPER BAD!!!
They'll also learn about Sainty Claws, who wears a red suit (like the DEVIL!) and has magic reindeer to pull his magic cart fulla name-brand gifts and visits every home on Earth on xmas day--UNLESS YOU'VE BEEN BAD, AND YOU GET A LUMP OF COAL!! But, hey, that's about the full extent of his punishment powers, which, compared to the other guy, may be disappointing, but you don't get killed and TORTURED FOREVER AND EVER TILL FOREVER AND EVER.
Then the Easter Bunny comes along, he's a giant rabbit, he doesn't need a chimney to come down, and he brings candy and eggs and sometimes, children–if you've been very, very good–more name-brand™ shit made in China by Communist slaves, which are now America's friends, because they make the crap we buy, and it breaks, and so we buy it again, and buy more and more of it, FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER, AMEN.
No, far better to learn who to hate this week, so if you find one you can taunt and bully "it" and get away with it, and maybe even get a gold star in church.
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