guilt

i am gay and am not out to many people and my cousin came out two years ago as a lesbian. today when i was talking to my grandma about her. my grandma said she is a shame to the family. i said nothing. i feel like i need to say something next time but because i am gay it is harder for me to stand up for other gay people i do not want my family to suspect. am i just being paranoid. :dilemma:

But, what I would do is sit down with grandma and as why your cousin is a shame to the family. If she says the Bible, ask her if God would allow love between 2 people if it was wrong. Other than that, I have nothing.

zalinda

and you pay it in soul dollars. Pay enough and you will likely be spiritually bankrupt. That is an awful place. It is a terribly sad and soul bankrupt your grandmother has come to. True, she probably doesn't know better but that doesn't make it much less awful.

As a polyamorist who runs a support group, I've watched many of my friends turn themselves inside out trying to keep their authentic selves from their families. I've also watched many of them grow in strength as they became honest. That said, some of those friends have had their families disown them, so there are risks. Risk to soul vs risk of loss of family. It's an extremely hard and painful decision.

I understand your fear, but standing up your cousin will only reveal to them that you are an enlightened, compassionate person. It has nothing to do with your sexual orientation.

It's just a different cost. You either pay the cost of silence and lies, or the cost of confrontating bigotry and hatred. Neither option is a good one, and only you can decide which way you want to go.

I almost always think that being honest and out is the better path, but I'm willing to confront people, and leave people behind if necessary. That's not something that anyone can or should push upon someone else.
:shrug:

I hope you find some supportive people in your family. I hope you can help your cousin. And I hope you end up reaching a place where you can come out.

but there will likely be another opportunity to defend others as assert yourself.

You will know the right moment to swing open the closet door.....

In the mean time, relax... and build a network of "true friends", as you will need them when the "Guess What?" conversation arises with your family.

you should start defending your Cuz, as you just might need that ally. Granma has got to know that her bigotry is passe', and enlightened people can love Jeebus without casting stones. remember the golden rule, make sure she does too,.They are easily shamed by JC.

Most were accepting. My grandparents on my father's side were not. I did not push the issue with them, deciding that it was not worth a confrontation. I continued to be civil to them, and they to me. I think you will have to decide whether you think it is worth it to confront your grandmother, it just wasn't for me.

:hi: Welcome to DU!

The decision to come out is really hard. I'm not out to everyone--to my friends and the world at large, I'm out, but not to my family, because they are hardcore born again Christian and just would not get it.

Have you thought about coming out to just your cousin? At the very least, it sounds like the two of y'all could give each other some much needed support.