Why is Mother's Day such a trigger for me?

Is it because I resent my job as a mom? Is it something about being single that makes it sting more? Is it because my teen has never gotten me a card or tried to teach his siblings how to care for ME? Is it cellular memory from my abusive marriage?

I dunno but it seems like I am MORE exhausted, MORE emotional, MORE frustrated, MORE Fed up with having to do this job ALONE than ever.

Need to feel some relief, I guess only time will help...maybe I will feel better by next week... :cry:



(ya, struggles with kids teacher making me feel like a bad mom, fighting with my teen over simple chores, and body pain and hormones probably aren't helping matters either...dammit, May was supposed to be an "easier" month! )

to be about feeling appreciated, and you don't feel appreciated. I suspect that you feel taken for granted, and that hurts even more around Mother's Day since there are certain expectations surrounding it.

I think that you'd also like the members of the family to understand what you as a person are going through. It's really difficult for children to truly understand everything that their parents do on their behalf, but that doesn't take away the fact that you do do them and that you're a person with feelings as well as being their mother.

Maybe I'm wrong, but this is what I personally would be feeling if I were in your shoes. Much love to you, FirstLight. :hug:

My mother abandoned me at a party when I was three (I've forgiven her.)

Thank you for hanging in there and for loving your children.

Your children will understand you one day, I promise. And they love you now.

On edit: :hug:

I totally understand Crikket. I was abandoned as a 4 year old. terrible early history. In a children's home and then adopted. Never had children, I guess too traumatic. So Mother's day is bittersweet for me. I love my adopted Mom immensely but in the back of my mind is always a question of early trauma and Birthmom. Oh, and the media has everything so hyped up like we are all supposed to be perfect/loving/uncomplicated...and let's face it, none of us are. Being a single Mom is a tough job..but you are doing it. Your children will honor you, if not now, soon.

Don't listen to the hype. I know you don't really resent being a mom--if you did, you wouldn't relish the snuggles and all ;) --but it's tough when the kids don't have anyone else around to teach them to respect you and honor you. (And don't think for a minute that having a guy around automatically makes everything all right--there are plenty of boyfriends and husbands who don't know enough to do that either.) So you know what? YOU have to teach your kids to honor you. It's weird, I know, and it might seem forced, but that's the only way they're going to learn it. My parents were divorced when I was 7, and my mom (always the stronger parent--sumbitch, she was--and is--a force of nature) was quite clear about how I should respect her. And she was right. And I learned! (And yes, I honor and respect her now--not because I was told to, but because I recognize that she's always done her best for me.)

So if you want your kids to do stuff for you today, SPEAK UP! Teach them what Mother's Day is all about...and then teach 'em that every day should be Mother's Day!
:rofl:

You're a great mom, FL--never doubt it. :hug: :hug: :hug:

MG, you're right...I know. (I think sometimes it is body memory too, had Devin about a week after mother's day and the abuse was really bad back then, so I wonder if the whole trigger is lying under the surface sometimes)

Thanks guys, I am grateful I can come here to vent when needed.

MG- you are right, i do have to teach them not to dump on me. It is the thankless mom job that we all have, but we have to make sure the kids respect us for who we are and how much we try to make life good for them... amen!

I had to delegate the jobs this morning to make is easier, but it went pretty effortlesslY. TOO CUTE...

and I have my egg (oldest cooked), toast (laney buttered) and fruit garnish(devin cut with a butter knife) all plated and ready to go...

so much love in one meal! :D :hug::grouphug:

and I was feeling unappreciated, I took one Mother's Day off. I think maybe I let my husband take me out to breakfast, but I said I wanted the rest of the day to myself. And I just went off and spent much of the day outside, alone, reading, and thinking. I lived in Boulder, Colorado, then, so it was a very pleasant place to spend the day by myself.

I also realized that I was not spending enough time on myself, I was letting me get lost in being a mother and wife. No more. I took a creative writing class that summer at the University in Boulder, and while I did not become a famous, successful writer, that reconnection to myself and my own needs made me a better person, and maybe even a better mom.

The other thing is that it's too easy to swallow the hype around all sorts of holidays. Life is not a TV commercial, and don't for one minute ever think that it is, or could be. Since I've been without a TV for two years now, I really forget how much everyone else is shaped by what they see there. And even though it may not seem connect to Mother's Day, my first advice to everyone is Turn Off Your TV.

More than just self-nurturing, but also recognizing several things that "mothers do" that we can do within to balance our spirit with more feminine power...

Mend- heal, give bandaids to your soul hurts, kiss your own booboos and allow for the tears when you fall down.
O - Hold the container, be a circle of safety for your own process
Tough - Like a momma tiger, fight for what you believe in and create a container to hold your greatest desires for yourself.
Hold - Incubate your desires and your words that create your world. Let things co0me in their time, not in your impulsivity.
Encourage - be your spirit's best cheerleader, give yourself props when you remember to act from your truth and spirit.
Respect - You can dislike the action, but never discredit the person and spirit that is trying to learn how to be a better human (just like when we reprimand our kids, target the behavior, not the person)

:hugs:

I think there's an imputed virtue to being the all self-sacrificing mother, and even before I had kids I thought that was nonsense. I didn't ever buy into that idea, but I did find I was losing myself, and that's why I did what I did that Mother's Day about twenty years ago.

And on a very positive note, my younger son called me a bit ago to wish me Happy Mother's Day. I don't expect to hear from the older one, but that is truly just fine, as he has Asperger's Syndrome, and while a completely wonderful young man, he's even less tuned into such things as Mother's Day than your average hermit living in a cave is. :)

I'm continuing to have a very pleasant day all by myself.

received made me tear up a bit. I know the feeling of being overwhelmed with single mothering, and I'm glad you came here to vent. I just wanted to add a hug and to say I'm glad the day started going a little better.
Hugs and love to you.
:hug:
:grouphug:

My son is Bipolar and has been unhappy his entire life. There's nothing more painful than to see your child in agony. He's 34 y.o. and is living in a van in Portland. I talked to him today and he's actually quite optimistic...buy my heart breaks for him every single day. I want him to come to L.A so I can take care of him. He declined....wants to make it on his own. He's in the process of seeing if his SSI will be approved again. I cried all day long....

Wed Apr-28-10 11:17 AM
Response to Reply #9
10. Thank you!

"Ah....May has some pain and tears...but June..."

http://upload.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=245x115633#115650

Sorry for your upset. Happy Mother's Day, for what it's worth.

You can always tell your kids that you're selling them off for scientific experiments; that often produces good behaviour on their part...

I think a mommy meltdown is sometimes necessary to strike the fear of god into them...

:rofl: It has been effective in getting some more attention to stuff for a few days. But ya, I still get to work on that stupid trigger too.

and ya, so far May is weird. It is snowing again and I wanna crawl back in bed till JULY! :mad:

but it will be 65 by friday, soooo very strange...my poor daffodils don't know what to do!